July 30, 2005

Good news...I NOW HAVE A SURPLUS OF SMILES!

YES, IT'S TRUE!!

I have many SMILES left over from my last SEMINAR and I'm giving them out one at a time.
WOULD YOU LIKE ONE?

I also have an excess of joy, which I'm more then willing to share.

BUT DO NOT TRY TO CALL ME! I'm in NATURE learning stuff, and I do not have a CELLAPHONE.

Posted by clamlynch at 5:58 PM

July 28, 2005

I AM Going to visit my mother. And YOUR MOTHER TOO!

Well I AM going to visit with MOTHER NATURE to see if she will fork over some of her SUPER SUCCESSFUL SECRETS.

And Well... YES it will be like MR. H.D. Thoreau, and NO It will not be like MR Ted Kaczynski... BECAUSE I'M NOT MAD!!

I AM HAPPY AND SUCCESSFUL!

NATURE CALLS...AND I AM ANSWERING!

Posted by clamlynch at 9:40 PM

July 24, 2005

FAREWELL OLD UNSUCCESSFUL GUY..... R.I.P.

TODAY i woke up.... and that's GOOD! AND I said GOOD MORNING ME! I then proceeded to do several HIGH KICKS and A quick round of NAKED MAN- IMAGINARY KUNG-FU FIGHT!

I then heard a little voice saying, "what's so GOOD about today? this is a BAD day, and you my friend are a BAD person."

I knew who it was, cause I've heard that voice all my life. But instead of being a powerful, loud, overbearing voice,
it was the voice of a frail old man—and I could hardly hear it!

Needless to say, I was confused— because he sounded so old as if on the verge of death.

THEN I REMEMBERED!
That's the voice of my OLD UNSUCCESSFUL SELF and that old dude (bless his fearful little heart) is on his LAST DAYS.

SO good -bye old man, thanks for helping me get to where I AM today. cause without your HOPELESS ATTITUDE, i wouldn't have gotten in so much UNBELIEVABLE PAIN that i had NO way out of, other then becoming A SUPER-SUCCESSFUL, HEALTHY, HAPPY guy who HELPS PEOPLE HELP THEMSELVES!

Again: THANK -YOU and GOOD-BYE.

Posted by clamlynch at 11:06 AM

July 22, 2005

I need a good RUBDOWN.

Does anyone out there have the name of a good ...whatever those ladies are called that rub you?

I'm sore from HELPING PEOPLE. Plus my car was towed and I had diarrhea. Now, I'm not sure these three things are connected BUT I'm pre-tee sure TWO of them are.
any-hoot, I'm mostly sore in my upper thighs and one of my baby toes.

I'M lying in bed now after a very HOT day (around 125 degrees in HOLLYWOOD), trying out a DYNAMIC new invention I came up with just hours ago.
you take an ADULT DIAPER (if you don't have any lying around you can buy a big box of them at costco for cheap) and you run water over it, then you put it in the freezer for about one hour, then just slip those fellers on your naked body. IT'S VERY REFRESHING.

I ALSO have an otter-pop taped to my little toe.

I am OK.

I'M sure i will be back up to my regular 110% tomorrow.
CAUSE YOU CANT STOP THE SUCCESS TRAIN.

Posted by clamlynch at 11:49 PM

July 21, 2005

PERSONAL POWER POWDER IS ON ITS WAY!

It's OFFICIAL! I'm just finishing up the details with NEW YORK, but it looks like my new powder will be on the shelves of all the MAJOR drugstores by winter.

The marketing plans are getting PRETTY INTENSE because of the totally revolutionary placement of the powder on the body—that being...now BRACE YOURSELF—this powder is placed on your anus/bottom-hole, THAT'S RIGHT!

You see, my new powder has MEGA ALPHA MALE SCENT, or M.A.M.S! Which for some reason only seems to get activated by putting the P.P.P. directly on your ANUS/BROWN AREA.

Now I know SOME OF YOU are a little freaked out by all this medical terminology, but trust me—this stuff works! AND IT'S TOTALLY VEGAN!

MORE INFO COMING SOON!

Posted by clamlynch at 11:15 PM

July 18, 2005

BOY! THIS WHOLE "HAPPINESS" THING IS GREAT!!!

I've really been enjoying this HAPPY time.

It's funny/sad how hard it is to get any SUPPORT in the joy department!

CAUSE BELIEVE ME YOU, when my life was NOT very happy, every Tom, Dick and Harvey wanted to say "AMEN" and "I KNOW, ISN'T LIFE SO "NOT HAPPY?"
Thank GOD those GRUMBLE BEES are gone.
I AM officially banning all CARELESS CROWS, GRUMBLE BEES, SOUR PUSSES and GLUM GUSSES from my life.

also enjoying this NOT SO ANGRY time.

AND

this I DONT MIND NOT HAVIN' SEX time.

plus

this HAVING MY LICENSE TAKEN AWAY PUTS ME IN A COOL, BEING-DRIVEN-AROUND-LIKE-A FANCY-PANTS-RICH-GUY time.

HEY!! I FORGOT... I AM a fancy pants rich guy.
BUT not too fancy to help you have a better life.

CONTACT ME AND FIND OUT HOW.

Posted by clamlynch at 11:07 PM

I LIKE BEING SUCCESSFUL. YOU SHOULD TRY IT!

Sometimes I look into the mirror and say, "Hey funny-face, you got a Ben and Jerry's nose and a Haagen-Dazs beard again— OH YOU GUY!!"

And other times I say, "Man oh Man, this SUCCESS thing is GREAT! Why didn't I do this years ago?"

IF I knew then what I know now I would have done it then, but I DID NOT KNOW. But NOW I do.

A nice CAR, a lot of MONEY, fancy HOME, great HEALTH, friendly FRIENDS, lovely LOVERS! AND so much MORE!
AND that's just ON THE OUTSIDE!
THE INSIDE IS WHAT REALLY COUNTS! Sure, it's easier when you've got a few things, but I'm telling ya, all that stuff will come
once you start CUTTING THE CRAP OUT OF YOUR LIFE!

Its just a matter of time before you start feeling like a barrel clown at the GAY RODEO.

Brave,confident, fun and FAB-U-LUS!

YEEEEEEE-HA!!

Posted by clamlynch at 6:21 PM

July 17, 2005

HENRY POTTER IS STEALING MY "JAZZ"

I did a seminar a few months back in which I coached the people attending on the "WAYS OF THE WIZARD": showing them, to use a quote from the wonderful Doug Henning, " IT'S ALL AN ILLUSION". That you could magically change your life by GETTING THE HELL OUT OF YOUR OWN WAY! And by using HI-JINX and TRICKY TRICKERY you could throw people OFF GUARD and get what you wanted.

I'm not bragging when i say close to a DOZEN people were changed after that presentation.

WELL, i guess one of the audience members was a HOLLYWOOD hot shot who took MY idea and created a movie (and from what i'm hearing, a book after that), and although they've tried to hide the outright RIPOFF of my idea by making me a child and calling me henry potter, It is exactly what MY show was about!

SO: this is an OPEN LETER TO HOLLYWOOD: I am officially hiring a statistician to take down everything i say during my TALKS and i promise you if this happens again I WILL SEE YOU IN JUDGE WUPNER'S "PEOPLES COURT"!!!

Posted by clamlynch at 10:31 PM

July 15, 2005

FINDING LOVE, or NOT

Although I've been accused of having a little too much "SUGAR IN MY TANK", I am a straight man, IE, NOT A GAY MAN.

Don't get me wrong, because if I ever met a guy who I really liked and he just happened to actually be a woman, I would not hesitate to follow my heart.

Plus many of my best guy friends are NFL fans, so obviously I have no problem with the whole GAY THING.

That being said, I AM a man who is open to meeting A DYNAMITE LADY!
I AM also open to NOT meeting a DYNAMITE LADY, because that way I have more time to bring success to OTHERS.
I AM not opposed to meeting a DYNAMITE LADY who might want to help me help others or something like that.

IT really DOESN'T matter, cause DYNAMITE LADY or not I am still gonna be SUCCESSFUL and continue helping YOU!

it just might be nice to have someone to share things with...or not.

I'm just letting it go for now.

Posted by clamlynch at 10:12 PM