October 21, 2005

COME JOIN ME at the WINNERS' TABLE—there's enough for EVERYONE.

Posted by clamlynch at 9:31 PM

October 20, 2005

I THINK I'M LOSING MY MIND.....THANK GOD!

WHAT A RELIEF !

That old MIND with its UNSUCCESSFUL ways and its NEGATIVE VIBRATIONS.

IT'S been a long time coming and it seemed like it would never leave, but i think it's throwing in the towel.

but MAN OH MAN is it going out with a BANG!

IT HAS BEEN TRYING TO "SHOCK AND AWE" ME !

IT'S BEEN WORKING OVERTIME TRYING ONE LAST PUSH TO CONVINCE ME TO GIVE UP.

Sending me "PSYCHO-BOMBS" and laying down "MIND MINES" at every turn.

BUT i see through its BIG TALK and HAIRY-CHEST POUNDING!

TRYING TO BRING ME DOWN with its CONSTANT CHATTER ABOUT:

LATE RENT.
I.R.S.
DISCONNECT NOTICES.
BILL COLLECTORS.
NO LADY FRIEND ( Or SEX )
SMOKING TOO MUCH.
CAR TROUBLES.
BRAIN PROBLEMS.

EVEN GOING AFTER MY INVISIBLE FRIENDS, WITH THOUGHTS OF DOUBT AND UNCERTAINTY.

BUT FOLKS, I SEE RIGHT THROUGH IT.
THESE THINGS AREN'T REAL; WELL, they are real, but not REALITY.
They're just things and crap.
They are TEMPORARY.
THEY ARE HELPING ME GROW.
THEY ARE A REMINDER OF WHAT I DONT WANT.

THEY ARE PROVING THAT THINGS SOMETIMES LOOK LIKE POOP RIGHT BEFORE YOU FLUSH.
AND I AM FLUSHING MY OLD LIFE CAUSE IT'S JUST STINKING UP THE PLACE.

LETS FLUSH TOGETHER!
And jiggle the handle for GOOD MEASURE.

JUST KEEP PUSHING!
YOU'RE ALMOST THERE.

http://www.clamlynch.com/blog

Posted by clamlynch at 10:35 AM

October 19, 2005

THE FREEWAY TO SUCCESSVILLE is BUMPER to BUMPER. But if YOU join my team, WE CAN USE the CARPOOL LANE!

Can you DEVOTE 10 hours a week?

Can you MAKE and KEEP goals?

Are you WILLING to make an INVESTMENT?

Are you DRIVEN to COMPLETE assignments?

Do YOU consider YOURSELF a COMMITTED person?

IF YOU SAID "NO" TO EACH OF THESE QUESTIONS, Then CONGRATULATIONS !

YOU MY FRIEND ARE A LEADER, not a FOLLOWER.

THESE ARE THE KINDS OF QUESTIONS REAL SUCCESSFUL PEOPLE SAY "NO" TO.

And THE FOLLOWERS say "YES!" and "WHO DO I MAKE A CHECK OUT TO?" and "SHOULD I TAKE MY TROUSERS DOWN AND BEND OVER NOW?"

NEXT time someone asks you a QUESTION, instead of ANSWERING them, ask THEM a QUESTION INSTEAD, MAYBE the same QUESTION THEY JUST ASKED YOU!

or

IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU TO DO SOMETHING FOR THEM, ASK THEM TO DO THE SAME THING FOR YOU FIRST!

STAY on TOP.
KEEP YOUR TROUSERS UP.
DON'T BE A FOLLOWER.

COME WITH ME AND I WILL SHOW YOU HOW.

STOP!!!
Do NOT follow me.
THAT WAS JUST A TEST.

A TEST , THAT SADLY, I MUST ADMIT , NO ONE HAS FAIL YET.
I HOPE ME HAVING NO FOLLOWERS, HELPS YOU, BE THE BEST YOU ,YOU CAN BE.
LOVE ME/YOU
CLAM

Posted by clamlynch at 5:56 PM

October 17, 2005

LOGIC is NOT SO GREAT.

I AM more into SYMBOLS and FEELINGS and COLORS.

I Have a lot more faith in things like VIBRATIONS and RADAR LOVE .

LOGIC'S ok in a pinch, with things like:

"IF I DRINK TOO MUCH MORE OF THIS STUFF I MIGHT DIE."
or
"I SHOULD JUST GO TO THE TREASURY DEPARTMENT AND TAKE ALL THE MONEY AND START RUNNING AS FAST AS I CAN."

SURE some logic might help you come to the right conclusion. MAYBE.

LOGIC = NORMALITY = MEDIOCRITY = BOREDOM/DEATH. Which adds up to NOT SUCCESSFUL!

HERE'S WHAT YOU DO if you're stuck on LOGIC MODE.

Try some UN-LOGICAL BEHAVIORS.
Like CRAZY DANCING.

INAPPROPRIATE OUTBURSTS OF JOY.

RUNNING AROUND YOUR HOUSE NAKED WITH A FANCY HAT ON.

or JUST SIT ON THE SIDE OF YOUR BED AND JUST START BLINKING AND SMILING FOR 5 MINUTES.

Also, Try some UNTRUE STATEMENTS:

HEY, I"M RICH!
WOW, AM I HAPPY!
GOSH, LIFE IS JUST SUPER-FUN AND EASY RIGHT NOW!

THESE STATEMENTS WILL CONFUSE THE LOGICAL MIND AND SEND HIM BACK TO SOME DUMB MATH PROBLEM OR SOMETHING.

BUT THE IMPORTANT THING IS, HE'LL BE GONE!

And once all logic has left, YOU CAN REPLACE THAT SPACE WITH FUN, JOY, HAPPINESS, AND
ABUNDANCE!!

START LIVING THE ILLOGICAL LIFE TODAY!

YOU WON'T BE DISAPPOINTED.
OR MAYBE YOU WILL BE?
BUT HEY!! WHO CARES?
THING ARE NOT WHAT THEY SEEM AND LOGIC ONLY CONFUSES
YOU MORE.
I AM sure none of this makes sense.
OR DOES IT?
WHO REALLY KNOWS?
NOT I.

ONLY ONE THING IS FOR SURE!!

I THINK, I LOVE YOU!!
YOURCLAM

Posted by clamlynch at 9:11 PM

YOUR LIFE IS LIKE A STORY, and MINE is becoming a real PAGE-TURNER!

I AM about half way through MY STORY, and it's getting better and BETTER-ER!

NOW DON'T GET ME WRONG—I AM not one of those snobby "BOOK PEOPLE." IN FACT, i feel most books are just filled with a bunch of WORDS and CONFUSING IDEAS THAT are NOT HELPFUL!

I LIKE simple BOOKS about LOVE and UNDERSTANDING and helping others. MY FAVORITE BOOKS have ONLY PITCHERS and maybe a few SMALL words. WORDS like MONEY, PIZZA, CAR or BIG UNDERWEAR.

PEOPLE, we all have enough to DEAL with without CONFUSING OUR MINDS with other people's thoughts and ideas.

DON'T GET SUCKED INTO SOMEONE ELSE'S STORY. Like that one GUMBY episode where he goes into all those different books and gets into all kinds of crazy situations. (OH, THOSE DARN BLOCKHEAD BROTHERS MAKE ME SO MAD!)

ALL i'm saying is WRITE YOUR OWN STORY!

Maybe start slow, like a COLORING BOOK or just work on the COVER ART of your STORY for a while.

start living your own story.
morning glory.

http://www.clamlynch.com

Posted by clamlynch at 8:21 PM

October 12, 2005

IF I TOLD YOU YOU COULD HAVE ANYTHING YOU WANTED, including but not limited to FIRM BUTTOCKS and SILKY THIGHS, wouldn't you say "SIGN ME UP"?

WELL, I'M TELLING YOU THAT!
IT IS ALL MENTAL, AND YOU ARE TOTALLY MENTAL, and so am I.

NOW: close your eyes and IMAGINE two firm BUTTOCKS, or a mountain of CASH, or maybe A NEW HOME or a ROCKET-SHIP!

NOW: open your eyes. "HEY, WHERE THE HECK DID ALL THAT STUFF GO?" you say.

WELL IT DIDN'T GO ANYWHERE. IT'S STILL IN YOUR MIND!

The trick is to get it out of YOUR MIND and into YOUR HANDS.

"NOW THAT'S JUST CRAZY TALK," you might say.

Well—IF HAVING ALL YOUR DREAMS COME TRUE is CRAZY, then I AM THE CRAZIEST, DREAMCATCHIN'-EST, ROCKET-SHIP-DRIVIN' , FIRM-BUTTOCK-ED, CASH MOUNTAINEER YOU'LL EVER MEET.

TRY ME.
WHAT DO YOU HAVE TO LOSE?
FEAR, WORRY, DEPRESSION, LACK, HOMELESSNESS, LONELINESS, HOPELESSNESS, SELF-PITY A BIG OL'OUCHIE PAIN BODY , ACEDIA AND ENNUI ?

Gee WHIZ! You don't have to be AL EINSTEIN to figure out THAT ALL THOSE THINGS ARE BAD!

BUT HEY—IT'S YOUR CHOICE.

I WOULD SAY ,CHOOSE LIFE.
(THE GOOD LIFE )
AND YOU MIGHT SAY : OK!
or YOUR AN IDIOT!

EITHER WAY IT'S NO SKIN OFF MY BOTTOM HOLE.

YOUR A FREE LADY/MAN.
GOOD LIFE, BAD LIFE IT'S UP TO YOU.
WHO'S THE ONLY ONE THAT CAN MAKE YOU HAPPY?

YOU!!

LOVE CLAM

http://www.clamlynch.com/

Posted by clamlynch at 7:57 PM

MOTHER EARTH seems SAD and DISAPPOINTED, and so does MY MOTHER. COINCIDENCE?

MAYBE there's some kinda connection here.

I don't know because MY, MOTHER has not been returning my PHONE CALLS.

All i know is not unlike, MOTHER EARTH, my, MOTHER has been been SAD/ANGRY at ME for a long time and has threatened to "DO SOMETHING" on many, many occasions.

Maybe it's because i was AT WAR with my brothers as a kid.

Maybe it's because I "DIDN'T GIVE HER ENOUGH RESPECT".

Maybe it's because i "WAS'NT LIVING UP TO HER EXPECTATIONS".

Maybe cause I'VE BEEN SO SELFISH my whole life.

ANYWAY, I think my MOTHER would stop acting so CRAZY and DESTRUCTIVE if she would call me and let me show her how i have TOTALLY CHANGED.

I'M NOW ALL ABOUT HELPING PEOPLE. (Not just seeing what i can GET out of them.)
I AM all about PEACE and LOVE and understanding.

Plus, HELLO MOTHER, I AM SUPER SUCCESSFUL NOW!
and i do not need any help (cash) from you or DAD.

SO CALM DOWN MOTHER EARTH,AND MOTHER CLAM and give ME/US another chance.

Posted by clamlynch at 9:25 AM

October 10, 2005

IF You're on some kinda "WISH'N MISSION" you've come to the WRONG MAN! My program IS THE REAL DEAL!

IF wishes were Knishes, I WOULD HAVE BEEN REALLY FAT!

LIKE 900 LBS+ FAT.

LIKE i would be on OPRAH and people would be praying for me FAT.

BUT I AM NOT FAT. (like that)

BECAUSE I DO NOT DEAL IN "WISH'N AND A' HOPE'N" kinds of behaviors.

I DON'T HOPE, I KNOW.

I DON'T WISH, because that would make me WISHEE WASHEE and that wont help ME/YOU get what we NEED/WANT.
NO, NO, NO, I AM SUCCESSFUL BECAUSE I BELIEVE I AM.

And that's some POWERFUL MOJO RIGHT THERE !

Posted by clamlynch at 6:30 PM

October 8, 2005

I AM working on my ASSERTIVENESS and DIRECTNESS. Please be patient with me, OR NOT. Either way is FINE, I think.

REALLY: Consider joining MY TEAM.

AND here's why: YOU WOULD HAVE TO BE AN FRIGGIN' IDIOT NOT TO!

NOW, i'm glad i just wrote that—because it's a perfect EXAMPLE of what NOT to say.

That's me confusing AGGRESSIVENESS with ASSERTIVENESS.

IT happens, and I AM SORRY.

A better way to say it might be: JOIN MY TEAM NOW! BEFORE IT'S TOO LATE.

'Cause then you really will FEEL LIKE AN IDIOT when everyone else is SUCCESSFUL, and you're left holding THE TRICK BAG with your pants down around your ankles, asking strangers to give you some money so you can buy a belt.

*JOIN TODAY.

AND VISIT MY WEB SITE:

WWW.CLAMLYNCH.COM
OR NOT.

YOURCLAM

*Sidenote:
THERE IS NOTHING TO ACTUALLY JOIN ,ON THE PHYSICAL PLANE.
WHEN I SAY :
JOIN,
I AM TALKING , IN YOUR MIND.
BLESS YOU ALL AND HAVE A SWELL DAY.

Posted by clamlynch at 9:30 PM

October 7, 2005

I Have been making much PROGRESS on peace talks with MY OLD SELF.

AND they have been moving ahead nicely.

But there've been some TENSE MOMENTS.

The worst one came early this morning after the "NAKED-with-a-STANDING-AT-ATTENTION-IN-THE-PRIVET-JOHNSON-AREA, Walk-past-the-open-window-and-the-screaming-of-the-old-lady-next-door-INCIDENT."

After a 17 minute SHAME SPRIAL, IN which i was momentarily worried my OLD SELF was getting the UPPER-HAND, I Quickly SPOKE A SERIES OF SUCCESSFUL WORDS and was able to "GET A GRIP" on the problem and bring the NEGOTIATIONS back to the table.

I HAVE been stressing the fact that there is not enough ROOM for all the NEGATIVE OR DOUBTING THOUGHTS and THEY must consider relocating.

I HAVE MADE CLEAR THAT I AM not allowing any more PITY PARTIES between the hours of 8 a.m. and 8 p.m.

I did concede to a 12 minute CRYING JAG once a week, one WORRY WART and 2 large and 1 small RESENTMENTS per month.

I was able to shoot down the DAY OF VICTIMHOOD as well as the 24 hours of straight SLEEP that they tried to sneak through as "A DAY OF REST."

ALL in ALL, the OLD UNSUCCESSFUL SELF is slowly seeing its time IS RUNNING OUT.

AND I AM just tossing it a few bones OUT OF PITY.

IT'S THE LEAST I CAN DO FOR A DYING FRIEND.

Posted by clamlynch at 10:17 PM

October 6, 2005

Why MY FAME will give us ALL more GAME.

LOOK, I DID NOT Set out to be FAMOUS.

I Just set out to try and HELP PEOPLE.

BUT during this PAINFUL "SETTING OUT" Process, i have come to realize a few THINGS.

1. I'm going to need some/a-lot of: MONEY, FOOD, TRAVEL EXPENSES, CLOTHES, GOOD HEALTH (Dental, mental, physical, medication, and eye-wear), A HOME, NICE CAR, LOVE OF A DYNAMITE LADY, AND A BOAT.

2. THESE Things do not just magically APPEAR! One must GET THEM.

3. THE best way i can think of to "get them" IS to Become POPULAR/FAMOUS.

4. THEN once all THE THINGS in number one ( or 1. ) on this list are gotten i will be able to tell you HOW I DID IT !
and you in turn can tell others, and WE WILL KEEP THIS SUCCESS TRAIN ROLLING!

SO IT SEEMS like that's what we need to do; that's where OUR starting point is.
MAKING ME RICH AND FAMOUS and working from there.

IT'S A FOOLPROOF PLAN, FOLKS.
AND I KNOW TOGETHER WE CAN DO IT.

I know some of you are saying "WHAT ABOUT ME? I WANT TO BE FAMOUS TOO!"

FIRST OFF, THAT SOUNDS VERY SELFISH.

AND SECOND, LET'S START WITH ME.
IF WE CAN GET THAT RIGHT, THAN WE WILL KNOW EXACTLY WHAT TO DO.

FIRST THINGS FIRST, PEOPLE.

Posted by clamlynch at 9:17 PM

October 5, 2005

Take some time for YOURSELF. I call MY time my MIME TIME.

FRIENDS,
LET me explain.

BUT first, a quick survey.

HOW MANY OF YOU WANT TO HAVE A HAPPY, JOYFUL, ABUNDANT,
SEXUALLY FULFILLING, HEALTHY LIFE ?

OK.

NOW , HOW MANY OF YOU ARE NOT INTERESTED IN ANY OF THOSE THINGS ?

NOW, FOR ANYONE WHO ANSWERED, YES TO THE SECOND QUESTION, IT'S TIME FOR YOU TO GO AWAY...NOW !

I will wait.

OK! For those of you who are still here, this is how MAKING SOME, "MIME TIME" for yourself works.

WHEN you first wake up in the morning, while you're still NAKED AS THE DAY YOU WERE BORN, Before you have your coffee or cigarette, or medication or morning breakfast wine or ANYTHING.

STAND IN THE MIDDLE OF THE ROOM AND CLOSE YOUR EYES AND MIME OUT YOUR WHOLE DAY. Exactly the way you want it to unfold. LEAVE OUT NOTHING!

(SIDE-NOTE: YOU are going to be doing this in super fast HYPER-SPEED. 'Cause if you did it in just normal REAL TIME, You would be standing naked in your room ALL DAY! and that's just PLAIN CRAZY!)

ANYWAYS...Act out all your wishes and desires, don't EDIT YOURSELF !

Give and receive LOTS of money, help the poor, meet a nice lady, shake hands with NEW IMPORTANT FRIENDS, Take a nap, eat some delicious food, BUY SOME NEW CLOTHES, call people and have PRODUCTIVE MONEY MAKING CONVERSATIONS, Drive your NEW FANCY CAR, INVENT SOMETHING, EXERCISE, BEAT UP SOME BULLIES,
MAKE ROMANCE WITH THAT SPECIAL SOMEONE, Make people laugh, Talk to GOD and get some ANSWERS, HUG SOME OLD PERSON, MOVE INTO A FANCY NEW HOME, PICK OUT SOME NEW BEDDING, DO IT ALL!!

GIVE YOURSELF ABOUT 5 MINUTES For maximum RESULTS.

WHAT THIS does is, it makes all these things REAL, 'CAUSE YOU HAVE ALREADY DONE THEM.
YOU SEE?
NOW you're coming FROM the place of "I CAN" and " IT'S TOTALLY POSSIBLE 'CAUSE I ALREADY DID IT!"

IT'S FUN AND IT WORKS !

(ANOTHER SIDE-NOTE: IF YOU HAVE AN OVERBEARING SKEPTICAL MATE, OR SMALL CHILDREN OR HAVE NO CURTAINS OR YOU SLEEP OUTSIDE OR IN YOUR CAR, YOU MIGHT WANT TO FIND A SPECIAL SECRET OUT-OF-THE-WAY PLACE TO TAKE YOUR MIME TIME.)

TRY IT and YOUR LIFE WILL BE A LOT MORE BETTER/INTERESTING.

I PROMISE .
YOU ARE A SILENT STORM.
LOVECLAM

Posted by clamlynch at 7:42 PM

October 4, 2005

Many LONELY PEOPLE don't have FRIENDS.

MY Friends, i know this from PERSONAL EXPERIENCE .
And that's what separates me from the other "so called" LIFECOACH/MOTIVATIONAL SPEAKERS .
They're all RICH and SURROUNDED by PEOPLE and MONEY and
FANCY STUFF.
They don't know or even remember what it's like to have NOTHING.

BUT I DO.

I HAVE BEEN IN YOUR SOX.

I understand you.
YOU want to be understood.
YOU want to be LOVED.
AND THAT'S OK.

HELLO! IT'S CALLED HUMAN BIOLOGY!

I have 3 pounds of muscle that i affectionately refer to as my ,
SUCCESS BOX.
AND i'm willing to share some of its contents with YOU.

AND HEAR THIS! IF THERE WAS A WAY FOR YOU TO TELL ME YOUR PROBLEMS I WOULD TOTALLY LISTEN.
SO feel free to have an imaginary conversation with me and make my imaginary FEEDBACK to you POSITIVE and HELPFUL.

'CAUSE i am HERE for you, or WOULD BE, but i'm really super busy right now.

AND YES, I JUST MIGHT BE BUSY HANGING OUT ALONE, LIKE A SAD LONE WOLF WHO IS LAYING IN BED EATING A PIZZA AND SOME ICE CREAM AND WATCHING A BAD MOVIE AT 4:00 P.M. ON A Sun. AFTERNOON, WONDERING "WHY NO LADY WOLF
IS CALLING HIM"? AND THINKING "MAYBE CAUSE I GOT THE PHONE TUNED OFF"

WELL,OK, I AM DOING THAT.
AND IT FEELS SO GOOD AND SO BAD AT THE SAME TIME.

MAYBE I SHOULD SAY IT, GAD OR BOOD.
.
YOURCLAM

http://www.clamlynch.com/blog

Posted by clamlynch at 12:32 PM

October 3, 2005

I have been on the BOTTOM and I've been on the TOP...I PREFER THE TOP.

I do like to be ON TOP of MY GAME, 'cause folks, it's where i'm most comfortable. IT is my NATURAL STATE.

ALTHOUGH... i must admit, i sometimes enjoy being BEHIND, cause WHEN I AM COMING FROM BEHIND, it gets me all FIRED UP and MOTIVATED to PUSH HARDER!

HECK, sometimes coming from behind is the BEST WAY TO DO IT !

'Cause when you come from behind and it's all said and done you can look down and see what you've done and feel PROUD!

SO wherever you're coming from, LET ME, HELP YOU,HELP ME, help you fulfill our FANTASIES.

WE CAN DO IT TOGETHER !
YOURS IN ALL WAYS, Clam

Posted by clamlynch at 9:48 PM