November 29, 2005

TRY MY NEW "MAGNET MIND" TECHNIQUE.

SAY:

IT IS GOING TO WORK.
IT IS GOING TO WORK.
IT IS GOING TO WORK.

Now that you're TOTALLY CONVINCED IT IS GOING TO WORK,
LETS MOVE TO THE NEXT STAGE.

And that's called the:
WHAT'S GOING TO WORK? STAGE.

You're going to start practicing my MAGNET MIND style of thinking.

here's an example:

TODAY IS A BAD DAY .

Now How does that make you feel?

BAD, right? THAT'S BECAUSE YOU'RE USING THE WORD BAD and JUST LIKE A MAGNET, IT'S PULLING
ALL THINGS BAD TO IT!

NOW TRY THIS:

TODAY IS A GOOD DAY!

FEELS GOOD, RIGHT? IT'S THE WORD GOOD that's PULLING all the GOOD THINGS to it,
with MAGNET POWER!

MAGNETIZE YOUR MIND!
AND IT WILL PULL TO YOU WHATEVER YOU'RE THINKING!

PLEASE DON'T SAY "THAT'S CRAZY" or "THIS WON'T WORK!"
'CAUSE NOW THAT YOU'RE USING MAGNET MIND POWER,
YOU MIGHT ACTUALLY GO CRAZY or NOTHING WILL WORK OUT FOR YOU.
BECAUSE THE MAGNET WILL PULL IN THE WORD "CRAZY" or "WON'T WORK"
AND DRAW THINGS TO THEM.

SAY GOOD WORDS LIKE:
JOYFUL.
SUCCESSFUL.
PEACE.
MONEY.
GIRLFRIEND/SEX.
ALL BILLS PAID.
NO JAIL TIME.
DELICIOUS FOOD.
RELAXING NAP.
ALL NEEDS MET.
THIS IS FUN.
A FIRM AND HEALTHY BODY.
SOMEONE ELSE'S FIRM AND HEALTHY BODY.
GOOD MENTAL HEALTH.

AND LIKE MAGIC, THESE THINGS WILL BE PULLED TO YOU.

So what if none of these things are actually in your life NOW?
COME ON!
THINK!
THAT'S BECAUSE YOU'RE NOT SAYING THEM!
THE MAGNET MIND HAS NOTHING TO WORK WITH BUT CRAP!

AND CRAP ATTRACTS CRAP, and flies and disease and a bad smell and on and on.
LIKE A WHAT?

RIGHT! LIKE A MAGNET!

STOP ATTRACTING WHAT YOU DON'T WANT!
THE MAGNET MIND WORKS FOR GOOD OR BAD.
ITS UP TO YOU.

USE THE MAGNET FOR GOOD!

http://www.clamlynch.com

Posted by clamlynch at 8:58 AM

November 28, 2005

TRICK YOUR unSUCCESSFUL MIND BY EMBARRASSING IT IN PUBLIC.

NOW MY FRIENDS, THIS IS PRETTY ADVANCED STUFF.

IF YOU DON'T FEEL READY (OR DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD),

I WOULD SUGGEST TRYING SOME OF MY OTHER TECHNIQUES FIRST—

Because this is BIG TIME FANCYPANTS STUFF!

OK. HERE YOU GO.

Next time you're in a public setting, and your bad/negative mind starts yammering,

JUST START LAUGHING!
That's right, you heard me.

JUST START LAUGHING REALLY LOUD TO YOURSELF!

SO WHEN THE BAD THOUGHTS COME AND THEY START SAYING STUFF LIKE:

"NOBODY LIKES YOU, YOU'RE A LOSER, A FRAUD, YOU CAN'T DO ANYTHING RIGHT!
YOU'RE BROKE, YOU'RE ALONE, YOU'RE A WASTE OF SPACE"...EVICTION, DEPRESSION, AND ON AND ON.

YOU JUST START LAUGHING OUT LOUD and SAYING STUFF OUT LOUD LIKE:

"OH YOU ARE FUNNY!"
"OH YOU'RE KILLING ME! FUNNY GUY, YOU'RE CRACKING ME UP!"
"STOP IT, I'M GOING TO PEE IN MY PANTS AND MY ASS HURTS!"

THIS CONFUSES THE MIND AND ALSO HUMILIATES IT IN A PUBLIC SETTING!

AND THAT'S POWERFUL STUFF!

NOW, YOUR MIND MIGHT SCREAM, "STOP IT! WE ARE IN PUBLIC AND PEOPLE ARE STARTING TO STARE!

THEY'RE GOING TO TAKE US AWAY! AND MAKE US TAKE ALL THOSE PILLS AGAIN!"

THAT'S WHEN YOU SAY :

"OK BUSTER, HERE'S THE DEAL: I WILL STOP LAUGHING AND TALKING AND PEEING MY PANTS IN PUBLIC,
IF YOU ADMIT YOU'RE WRONG!

YOU ADMIT:

THAT I AM A WINNER!
THAT I AM GOOD!
THAT I AM SUCCESSFUL and HAPPY!
THAT I AM COOL AND LOVABLE!
THAT I AM GOING TO BE GREAT!"

NOW, Your mind might argue and say: "BUT THAT'S NOT TRUE! THAT'S NOT LOGICAL!
THAT'S JUST WISHFUL THINKING!"

YOU SAY:

"NOW LISTEN—LOGIC'S NOT PAYING THE BILLS MISTER! AND YOUR CONSTANT YAPPING
IS NOT HELPING! AND WHAT'S SO WRONG WITH BEING HAPPY? BESIDES THE FACT YOU WON'T HAVE A LOT TO DO. YOU NEED TO RETIRE ANYWAYS. YOU'RE OLD AND NEED A REST."

YOU MIGHT HAVE TO DEAL WITH SOME STARES, SOME RIDICULE, SOME EXPLANATIONS TO THE
AUTHORITIES.

BUT IT IS TOTALLY WORTH IT!
THAT BAD PART OF YOU WILL THINK TWICE ABOUT OPENING HIS FAT MOUTH IN PUBLIC.

AND IT ALSO PUTS YOU BACK IN THE SUCCESSFUL DRIVER'S SEAT, DRIVING DOWN THE ROAD IN YOUR FANCY SPORTS CAR WITH YOUR DYNAMITE LADY AT YOUR SIDE AND YOUR ASCOT BLOWING IN THE WIND OF YOUR MIND.

SUCCESSFUL DRIVERS WANTED.

Posted by clamlynch at 9:51 AM

November 25, 2005

DON'T TRY TO POP MY SUCCESS-ALLOONS, BECAUSE YOU CAN'T. THEY ARE MADE OF STEEL!

Well, it's a SPECIAL kind of steel that FLOATS.

Like a plane or a rocketship.

I KNOW WHAT YOU COLLEGE BOYS ARE SAYING:

"But planes and rocketships are powered buy FUEL."

OK EINSTEINIUM, I KNOW THAT!

MY SUCCESS-A-LOON IS POWERED BY FUEL TOO! OK?

IT'S CALLED SUCCESS!

And guess what?
UNLIKE EXPENSIVE ROCKET FUEL OR PLANE GAS,
MY FUEL IS FREE.

I/YOU WERE BORN WITH IT.
IT COMES OUT OF ME/YOU.
AND IT NEVER RUNS OUT!
YOU JUST NEED A PUMP.

AND THAT'S WERE MY PROGRAM COMES IN.

I Will show you HOW to drill your mind for SUCCESS,
because people, IT'S IN THERE!

You just have to get through all the crap
that's BLOCKING you from HITTING YOUR SUCCESS-FUEL MOTHERLOAD!

BUT ONCE MY PROGRAM GETS DEEP IN THERE, AND YOU HIT THAT SWEET STUFF,
THERE'S NO STOPPING THE FLOW!

AND the next thing you know (just like JED, from the Beverly Hillbillies),
YOU'RE A MILLIONAIRE!

IN YOUR MIND.

AND THAT'S WHERE IT REALLY COUNTS!
MILLIONS OF THOUGHTFUL THOUGHTS, FRIENDLY FRIENDS AND GOOD VIBRATIONS.
AND NO ONE CAN TAKE THAT AWAY FROM YOU,
EXCEPT YOU.
SHARE THE WEALTH!
YOUR,CLAM

Posted by clamlynch at 10:42 PM

November 24, 2005

TRY WALKING A MILE IN MY FANCY NEW BOOTS.

I Have a NEW WAY OF WALKING.
So I THOUGHT IT ONLY RIGHT THAT all of this NEW WALKING should be done in the FANCIEST FOOTWEAR I COULD FIND.
(And these puppies are TOP SHELF, my friends!)

I have worked so hard helping others.
And if you know me, I AM SOMEONE WHO REALLY WALKS THE TALK.

And since I talk so much... HELLO!
That equals a lot of walking.

I WANT TO BE MORE CLASSY, MORE SASSY, MORE DOWNRIGHT BRASSY!

IT'S LIKE THIS:
WHEN YOU TELL PEOPLE, "YOU SHOULD CHECK CLAM OUT, HE HAS REALLY CHANGED MY/HIS LIFE," and they do CHECK ME OUT—

I WANT TO LOOK THE BEST I CAN, SO THAT YOU LOOK GOOD for
TURNING PEOPLE ON to a guy who has a TOTALLY DYNAMIC
"TURN YOU ON" LOOK.

IT'S A WIN-WIN FOLKS!

IT'S ALL ABOUT TURNING PEOPLE ON TO ME AND MY JAZZY PROGRAM.
And i can't go around in some cheap footwear.

No one will be TURNED ON by that.

WE ARE LOOKING GOOD PEOPLE!
LET'S KEEP IT MOVE'N.
CAUSE THERE AINT NO PARKING ON THE DANCE FLOOR OF LIFE.

GOODMORNING and GOODNIGHT.
LOVECLAM

Posted by clamlynch at 9:11 PM

November 23, 2005

MY NEW CATCH and RELEASE TEACHING IS GOING TO CHANGE YOUR/MY LIFE!

HEY GUESS WHAT?

I AM HAVING A FEELING OF SUCCESS AND JOY!

NOW, AM I GOING TO HOLD ON TO THIS FEELING LIKE SOME GREEDY LITTLE MAN COUNTING HIS GOLD AND LOOKING OVER HIS SHOULDER FOR SOMEONE WHO MIGHT SNEAK UP AND STEAL IT ALL?

OF COURSE NOT!

COME ON IN TO MY GOLD-COUNTING ROOM!

BECAUSE THIS GOLD IS OUR GOLD!

HEY! ITS NOT EVEN OUR GOLD! ITS EVERYONE'S GOLD!

"COME ON EVERYONE, LETS COUNT THIS GOLD!"

NOW PEOPLE, WHEN I SAY GOLD, I MEAN "GOLDEN FEELINGS."

AND I AM NOW HAVING WHAT YOU MIGHT CALL GOLDEN FEELING FEVER!

SO FOLKS, THIS IS WHAT YOU MUST DO (IF YOU WHAT TO BE HAPPY THAT IS—MAYBE YOU DON'T? SOME PEOPLE DON'T. DO YOU? I CAN'T READ YOUR MIND THROUGH THIS COMPUTER...YET.
SO LET'S JUST SAY FOR SHITS and GIGGLES THAT YOU DO WANT TO BE HAPPY).

WHEN YOU FIND THOSE GOLDEN FEELINGS YOU MUST NOT HOLD ON TO THEM.

THE HOLDING ON WILL MAKE THE FEELING DISAPPEAR. YOU CANT KEEP IT, DON'T BE CRAZY!
IT WON'T WORK.
YOU WILL END YOURSELF UP IN THE HOSPITAL WITH
A BAD CASE OF THE STRESS OR THE BRAIN PAIN!

NO,NO,NO,
WHEN YOU GET THE G.F. (GOLDEN FEELING) YOU MUST GIVE IT AWAY AS SOON AS POSSIBLE!!
WHEN YOU GIVE IT TO SOMEONE ELSE, IT STARTS TO GROW!
AND THEN COMES BACK TO YOU .

SO NOW YOU'RE SAYING:

"GOOD! NOW I CAN KEEP IT!"

AND I SAY:

"WHAT ARE YOU, SOME KIND OF IDIOT!"
"THAT'S CRAZY, GREEDY, SMALL, UNSUCCESSFUL, NOT-ENOUGH-TO-GO-AROUND THINKING!"

YOU BETTER GIVE THAT AWAY RIGHT NOW BUSTER!
OR YOU'RE GOING TO BE IN A HEAP-O-PAIN!

THE MORE YOU GIVE THE MORE YOU GET.
IT'S AS SIMPLE AS THAT .

CATCH THE FEELING AND RELEASE THE FEELING.

PEOPLE, I KNOW FROM PAINFUL—AND I MEAN PAINFUL!—EXPERIENCE THAT WHEN YOU ARE SO DESPERATE FOR A GOOD FEELING AND YOU FINALLY GET ONE IT IS SO TEMPTING TO JUST WANT TO KEEP IT, HIDE IT FROM THE WORLD, PUT IT IN A JAR AND HIDE IT UNDER YOUR BED.

BUT HERE'S THE RUB.

WHEN YOU'RE SURE NO ONE'S AROUND AND YOU GO UNDER THE BED AND OPEN THAT JAR, I PROMISE YOU IT WILL BE EMPTY—AND YOU WILL CRY:
"WHO THE HELL STOLE MY GOOD FEELING?!!"

FOLKS, I'M TELLING YOU: THE GOOD FEELING WILL DIE UNLESS YOU SHARE IT WITH OTHERS.

AND THAT'S WHAT I AM ALL ABOUT.

SPREADING THE LOVE AND HELPING YOU/ME HAVE A BETTER LIFE.

I WANT YOU TO FEEL GOOD ABOUT ME SO I CAN FEEL BETTER.

AND I KNOW THAT WILL MAKE YOU FEEL BETTER TOO.

AND THAT'S ALL I REALLY WANT.
I WANT YOU/ME TO FEEL BETTER!

LOVE,ME,NOW!
AND RIGHT BACK AT YA!
CLAM

Posted by clamlynch at 10:07 PM

November 22, 2005

TODAY IS A NEW DAY! It's also a NUDE DAY!

AND PEOPLE, IN THIS NEW/NUDE DAY, YOU CAN WEAR WHATEVER YOU WANT.

On the outside perhaps:
A SHARP-looking SHIRT or BLOUSE?
A TEE SHIRT with a funny SLOGAN/SAYING written on it
with a Sharpie or crayon?
Maybe some fancy SLACKS, CULOTTES, KNICKERS or PANT-A-LOONS?
How about some OVERSIZE UNDERWEAR?
Or a tie?

HEY! WHAT IF YOU WORE TWO OR THREE TIES AT ONCE?

THAT WOULD REALLY SAY:
"THAT GUY'S GOT SOMETHING—HE'S SO SUCCESSFUL HE HAS TO WEAR THREE TIES!!!"

OR

TWO BRAS! ONE ON THE FRONT AND ONE ON THE BACK!

NOW, IF I SAW THAT I WOULD SAY:
"MAN-O-MAN—THAT LADY IS REALLY DIFFERENT AND SPECIAL!
SHE IS GOING PLACES—AND COMING or GOING, SHE LOOKS GREAT!"

NOW On the inside, how about:

AN ATTITUDE OF GRATITUDE?

A INNER-JOY TOP with a OUTER-JOY BOTTOM.

A MENTAL COAT MADE OF POSITIVE ENERGY with A "YES I CAN" LINING.

A NAY-NAY AND YEAH-YEAH BRAIN WRAP?

A "DON'T STOP BELIEVIN'" SONG IN YOUR HEART.

A GOOD VIBRATION WORD MAKER.

THROW AWAY ALL THE OLD STUFF.
THE STUFF THAT DOESN'T FIT YOUR SUCCESSFUL NEW LIFE.

ITS A NEW YOU WITH A WHOLE NEW LOOK.

INSIDE AND OUT!

AND IT IS GOOD.

Posted by clamlynch at 7:15 AM

November 17, 2005

I AM Taking applications for a LOVER/SOUL-MATE.

And ladies, this job comes with plenty of PERKS!

For one :

The fact that you will be starting during my
early SUCCESS STAGE means that you will be totally TRUSTED—
and also remembered as someone who stuck buy me in the HARSH and sometimes PAINFUL getting-the-WORD-OUT-THERE process.

Second:

AS my lover/soul-mate, you will have my full ATTENTION and GRATITUDE—because it has been several years since I have had ANY FEMALE COMPANIONSHIP.

Thirdly:

I AM someone who RESPECTS the ladies
and can show you my SECRET LOVEMAKING techniques,
Which I haven't actually had a chance to try out on a REAL woman.
But let me just say "it's some pretty FANCY stuff."

AND LASTLY:

I AM looking for some one who believes in me and my work.
AGE :25 TO 55 Years
HEIGHT: 5 TO 6ish FEET
BODY: 100 TO 170 POUNDS
HAIR: YES
EYES: 2 OR ONE WITH PATCH IS FINE.
MUST have transportation (bus is ok)
COLLAGE GRAD. (or G.E.D.)
MUST ENJOY TALKING AND listening.
LONG WALKS (or drives)
Love making (with me)
and laughter (not at me but with me)

PLEASE SEND RESUME AND PHOTO or DRAWING TO:

clam.lynch@gmail.com

Posted by clamlynch at 1:26 PM

November 16, 2005

WHAT'S WRONG WITH A LITTLE MAGICAL MUMBLE JUMBLE ANYWAY?

Why not try a little , MUMBLE JUMBLE.
What do you have to lose?
IF it doesn't work, fine—NO BIG DEAL.
BUT HEY, IF IT DOES WORK, NOW THAT WOULD BE REALLY NEAT!

WHY CAN'T YOU BELIEVE IN A LITTLE MAGIC?

A ZIPPITY DOO-DA ,A SMILE , SCOOBEE DOOBEE ,BEEP BOP,SNUGGLE BUGGILLY BAGALLY PEEP POP!!??

A WONDERFUL DAY, WITH WONDERFUL PEOPLE, DOING WONDERFUL THINGS!!

YOU BELIEVE IN FAILURE AND HARDSHIP.
WE BELIEVE IN ALL THE BAD NEWS WE HEAR.
YOU BELIEVE IN LACK AND LIMITATION AND ALL KINDS OF BAD THINGS THAT ARE NOT EVEN HERE (YET).

WHY NOT TRY SOMETHING DIFFERENT?
SOMETHING ENCHANTED, SOMETHING UNPROVEN?

IF IT FAILS, WHO CARES?
MYSELF, I WOULD RATHER PUT MY TRUST IN DOLPHINS AND FAIRIES AND SEXY, DRESS UP COSTUMES OR AN INVISIBLE PRESENCES THAT SURPASSES ALL HUMAN UNDERSTANDING, THAN BIG CORPORATIONS, AND LAWYERS, DOCTORS OR MY DAD'S DISLIKE OF ME, AND HIS HURTFUL "NOT HELPFUL" COMMENTS.

PEOPLE, I BELIEVE IN THE UNSEEN.
HELLO ! ITS CALLED FAITH.
BLIND FAITH.
TAKE THE LEAP.
CATCH YOU LATER.
LOVECLAM

Posted by clamlynch at 1:48 PM

November 15, 2005

TODAY IS THE BEST DAY EVER.

IS that hard for you to HEAR/BELIEVE?

Did you say to yourself "NO IT AIN'T"?

IS it because that might ruin your plans for a CRAPPY DAY?

Well, I feel sorry for you, MR. CRAPPY PANTS.
But listen to me, IT IS YOUR CHOICE.

YOU CAN CONTROL YOUR DAY AND THE WAY YOU EXPERIENCE IT!

OK FOLKS, I JUST GOT UP TO GRAB A SMOKE AND I STUBBED
MY TOE SO BAD THAT ONE OF THEM IS POINTING SIDEWAYS.

NOW I AM NOT A DOCTOR, BUT I'M PICKING UP A VIBRATION THAT THIS IS NOT GOOD.

SO I'M ON MY WAY TO THE HOSPITAL.

DOES THAT MEAN THAT THIS IS NOT THE BEST DAY EVER?

NO WAY!!

IT JUST MEANS THAT MY BEST DAY EVER INCLUDES A BROKEN TOE—and most likely a long painful bus ride followed by a full day of waiting in the free clinic waiting room!

YOU CAN BREAK MY TOE, BUT YOU CAN'T BREAK MY "BEST DAY EVER" ATTITUDE!

MAN! This toe is hurting like a mother F'ER!

Posted by clamlynch at 6:34 PM

IF YOU'RE ANYTHING LIKE ME, YOU'RE WONDERING: HOW AM I DOING?

Well thanks for asking!

I AM DOING WONDERFUL.

WELL, to be totally honest, I THINK IM DOING WONDERFUL.
LET ME EXPLAIN.

After my last post I headed down to the hospital to have my toe looked at.

AND MY FRIENDS, JUST AS I THOUGHT, THE LITTLE PIGGY WAS NOT OK.

OR AS THE YOUNG INTERN AT THE FREE CLINIC SAID, "GROSS!", "YIKES!", AND "OUCH!"

After some X-rays and a vomit-inducing RE-SETTING of said toe,
I WAS GIVEN A HANDFUL OF PAIN MEDICATION—AND WITH THE COMBINATION OF MY MORNING BREAKFAST WINE, IT SEEMED TO GIVE ME A VERY FUNNY FUN KINDA FEELING.

So what I AM tying to say is, the whole "BEST DAY OF MY LIFE" technique that I started my day with MIGHT have actually happened!

BUT I CAN'T BE 100% PERCENT CERTAIN, BECAUSE IT WAS ALL KIND OF CLOUDY. (I DONT EVEN REMEMBER HOW I GOT HOME FOR EXAMPLE.)

BUT IN ALL LIKELIHOOD IT WAS THE BEST DAY EVER.

I THINK.

I AM NOW GOING TO TAKE A BUNCH MORE MEDICATION/HAPPY PILLS AND TRY TO FOCUS ON THE ANSWER.

Posted by clamlynch at 5:08 PM

I HAVE OFFICIALLY QUIT QUITTING! I've also completely STOPPED STOPPING.

FOLKS, I'VE BEEN QUITTING MYSELF FOR YEARS.

BUT TODAY I AM OFFICIALLY QUITTING QUITTING.

It just takes up too much time.

IT HAS BEEN A TRICKY GAME MY LOWER SELF HAS BEEN PLAYING ON MY HIGHER SELF FOR YEARS—TRYING TO KEEP ME FOCUSED ON WHAT'S WRONG, AS OPPOSED TO WHAT'S RIGHT.
Telling me stuff like, "YOU CAN'T BE HAPPY UNLESS YOU QUIT THIS OR QUIT THAT."

THAT'S THE TRICK TO QUITTING!

JUST QUIT IT!

TODAY I STOP ALL THAT.
AND I AM ALSO STOPPING STOPPING THINGS.

I HAVE DRIVEN THROUGH THE CITY (OF MY MIND) AND REMOVED ALL STOP SIGNS.

I GUESS YOU MIGHT SAY I AM NOW UNSTOPPABLE.

And MY FRIENDS, IT IS SUCH A RELIEF!

GIVE IT A TRY.

NEXT TIME YOU'RE HAVING A BAD/UNSUCCESSFUL THOUGHT AND YOU WANT TO STOP,
JUST STOP STOPPING AND SEE WHAT HAPPENS.
IT FREES YOU FROM THE FIGHT AND GIVES YOU MORE ENERGY FOR DOING.

STOP STOPPING AND START DOING!

BECOME A DO DO MAN!

STOP STOPPING AND START LIVING!

Posted by clamlynch at 6:04 AM

November 14, 2005

I CAN'T. BUT WE CAN!

Because without YOU and all your PROBLEMS, I WOULD BE OUT OF A JOB.

YOU all seemed to be SO "NOT OK".
And I am truly GRATEFUL for that.

AND I THANK GOD .
LET ME TAKE A MINUTE TO ACTUALLY THANK GOD. HOLD ON PLEASE.

OK, I DID IT.

I AM SO HAPPY I DON'T HAVE TO BE MY ONLY CLIENT ANYMORE.
BECAUSE WORKING ON MYSELF IS TOTALLY BORING AND NEVER REALLY GOES ANYWHERE—ALMOST ALWAYS ENDING IN A FISTFIGHT OR NAKED ROCKING.

AND I NEVER WANT TO GO BACK TO THE DAYS OF TALKING TO THE MIRROR, THE CAT, and THE CHAIR.

OR HAVING THOSE LONG PHONE SESSIONS WITH MY IMAGINARY PHONE.

NO, THAT'S ALL BEHIND ME NOW.

THANKS TO YOU.

HELPING YOU HAS HELPED ME HELP MYSELF—IN SO MANY WAYS.

GOD BLESS.

Posted by clamlynch at 8:05 PM

WHY DO OTHER PEOPLES "PROGRAMS " SUCK SO BAD?

BECAUSE, MY DEAR FRIENDS—

that's exactly what they try to do.

THESE GUYS TRY TO SUCK THE LIFE OUT OF YOU, USING MIND CONTROL AND PLAYING ON YOUR WEAKNESSES, SO THEY CAN HAVE THEIR WAY WITH YOU.

And then they leave you on the side of the road—naked, penniless, confused, and ashamed.

OH, MY POOR FRIEND! HAS THIS HAPPENED TO YOU?

ARE YOU CRYING?

THAT'S OK. LET IT OUT.

I'M going to get a drink and be right back, OK?
you need anything while I'm up?

OK, I'm back. Now were where we?
OH YES, The tears.

It's OK, 'cause GUESS WHAT?
I WOULD NEVER DO THAT TO YOU.

I AM HERE TO HELP YOU. AND PEOPLE, MY HELPING YOU IS WHAT HELPS ME, AND SINCE I WANT TO FEEL GOOD AND GET THE HELP I NEED,
I AM GOING TO KEEP ON HELPING YOU UNTIL I'M SUCCESSFUL
AND BY ME BECOMING SUCCESSFUL (BY HELPING YOU) YOU WILL BE PART OF MY SUCCESS WHICH MAKES US ALL SUCCESSFUL!

IT'S AS SIMPLE AS THAT.
So never fear, my dear friends.
I WILL NOT SUCK YOU.

FOLLOW ME TO A BETTER YOU.

Posted by clamlynch at 2:04 PM

November 13, 2005

LET THE BAD PART OF YOU FREE.

UNLOCK THE CELL AND LET IT OUT.

IT TAKES TOO MUCH TIME AND EFFORT TO KEEP on GUARDING that prisoner.

CONSTANTLY WORRYING ABOUT THE BIG ESCAPE.

And with the feeding, the exercise/yard time, the failed rehabilitation (not to mention the denial to the "outside world" that there even is a jail with a little man in it), FOLKS, IT'S A FULL-TIME JOB!

SO BY FREEING THE PRISONER, YOU ARE REALLY FREEING YOURSELF.

Let that angry, chain-smoking, suicidal, hopeless, hard-drinking, pill-popping, people-hating, lazy, freeloading, irresponsible, destructive, resentful, judgmental, never-amount-to-nothing, selfish, negative, born-to-lose, hurt, resentful, scared little man free.

The WAR IS OVER.
THE PRISON'S CLOSED.
A FULL PARDON WITH THE ONLY TERMS BEING TO LEAVE TOWN AND NEVER RETURN.

But put him on the WATCH LIST, just to be safe.

REMEMBER, IT TAKES TWO TO TANGLE.

IT MIGHT FEEL STRANGE AT FIRST TO WAKE UP EVERY MORNING AND LOOK AT THAT EMPTY CELL.
BUT YOU NOW HAVE TIME FOR MORE IMPORTANT STUFF LIKE: HAPPINESS, ENJOYMENT, RELATIONSHIPS/SEX, AND MAKING MONEY.

FREEDOM, MY FRIEND, FREEDOM.

Posted by clamlynch at 7:30 PM

CAN YOU FEEL THE LOVE ?

NO?

WELL, CAN YOU GUESS WHY?
Look down at your hands.
What do you see?

I will tell ya what I see,
TWO GIANT BOXING GLOVES !

And folks, you're never going to FEEL THE LOVE with those things on.

YOU might be able to PUNCH THE LOVE or FIGHT/BLOCK THE LOVE.
But you CAN NOT FEEL IT .

DON'T FIGHT THE LOVE.

Look at you BOBBING and WEAVING, trying to avoid the love.
PUT YOUR DUKES DOWN MISTER!
TAKE THE GLOVES OFF!

LOVE'S not wearing any gloves or mouthpiece or an athletic supporter.

LOVE just wants to WRESTLE around with you, naked, playfully.
Like the Greeks used to do.

LOVE'S NOT GOING TO HURT YOU.
'CAUSE, HELLO! THAT'S WHY THEY CALL IT LOVE .

LOVE, LOVES YOU!
THATS ALL IT KNOWS HOW TO DO.

JUST FOR SHITS and GIGGLES,
TRY LOVE'N IT BACK AND SEE WHAT HAPPENS?

NOW GO TO YOUR CORNER AND COME OUT LOVING!

Posted by clamlynch at 11:41 AM

November 12, 2005

GOING OUT OF UNSUCCESSFUL BUSINESS SALE!

THAT'S RIGHT! Everything must go, EVERYTHING! I AM making space for a BIG SHIPMENT OF SUCCESS.

I have many things to unload and you are welcome to any of them.

Here's a short list:

An overused sense of being "THE VICTIM".
A STRONG feeling of LONELINESS and ISOLATION.
A Large "WAITING FOR THE OTHER SHOE TO DROP" Feeling.
A 5-volume set of WHY-I'M-GOING-BACK-TO-BED Excuses.
A Full library of WISH LISTS and IF-I-ONLY-HAD LISTS.
A FULL-SIZE SENSE OF SEPARATION.
A Wheelbarrow full of BROKEN DREAMS
A Truckload of SHAME and GUILT.
A Lifetime Supply of BLAME and RESENTMENT.
A Carton of WHY ME.
AND ONE COMPLETE MENTAL AND PHYSICAL BREAKDOWN.

NONE OF THESE ITEMS CAN COME WITH ME TO MY NEW LOCATION.

So if you're working on your own UNSUCCESSFUL WALL and need more MATERIAL, ITS YOURS.

IF NOT, ALL THESE THINGS ARE GOING IN THE TRASH.
And I think Tuesday is trash pick-up day.

SEE YOU ALL AT THE GRAND OPENING OF THE NEW ME!

COOKIES and PUNCH WILL BE SERVED, SO bring the kids !

Posted by clamlynch at 12:08 PM

November 8, 2005

BE RUBBER, not GLUE.

WE Must become like RUBBER if we are going to be SUCCESSFUL.

When someone tells you, "YOU'RE CRAZY"—if you are GLUE, then you will say: "WELL, I GUESS I'M CRAZY THEN."

BUT IF YOU'RE RUBBER you will say, "IT IS YOU WHO ARE CRAZY, NOT I."

AND IF SOMEONE TELLS YOU, "YOU OWE ME A LOT OF MONEY."

YOU SAY (The RUBBER you): "NO! IT IS YOU WHO OWE ME A LOT OF MONEY."

If you are told, "YOU NEED TO STOP FOLLOWING ME."

The new "RUBBERIZED" YOU WILL SAY, "NO! IT IS YOU WHO MUST STOP FOLLOWING ME."

OR

When told "YOU'RE FIRED!"

You will BOUNCE BACK With:
"NO! YOU ARE FIRED!! NOW GET THE HECK OUTTA MY OFFICE!"

Don't be glue.
DON'T LET OTHER PEOPLE'S THOUGHTS AND OPINIONS STICK TO YOU.

SAY:
I AM RUBBER. AND WORDS CAN NEVER HURT ME.
OR BREAK MY BONES.

LOVE,
YOUR RUBBER CLAM MAN.

http://www.clamlynch.com/blog

Posted by clamlynch at 7:24 PM

November 6, 2005

ME BEING WEALTHY HELPS US ALL!

And here's how:
AS THE CASH FLOWS IN, THE COMMITMENT TO KEEP HELPING YOU FLOWS OUT.

When I'M sitting around my COLD, DARK, PHONELESS APARTMENT WITH THE EVICTION NOTICE NAILED TO THE FRONT DOOR, all STRESSED OUT about FOOD and CIGARETTES, MONEY and BUS FARE, IT'S HARD TO THINK OF OTHERS (YOU).

But when I AM rolling in some greenbacks, I AM TOTALLY OUT THERE WORKING FOR YOU!
COMING UP WITH NEW TOOLS AND TECHNIQUES FOR YOU TO HAVE A BETTER LIFE!

AND MAN-O-MAN, WHEN THAT MONEY IS FLOWING, I AM LIKE SOME KIND OF CRAZY SUCCESS MACHINE TURNED UP TO FULL STEAM—CRANKING OUT IDEAS AND CONCEPTS FASTER THEN MY TEN YEAR OLD DAUGHTER/ASSISTANT CAN WRITE THEM DOWN.

AND FOLKS, IT IS A PLEASURE.

'CAUSE THAT'S MY TRUE NATURE.
I'M A HELPING PEOPLE PERSON.

SO LETS ALL HOPE I CAN GET REALLY REALLY WEALTHY!
FOR ALL OUR SAKES.

Posted by clamlynch at 9:29 PM

Knock Knock. Who's There? Successful. Successful who? SUCCESSFUL YOU! Now open the DAMN DOOR!

Come on in.
It's NICE AND COMFORTABLE IN HERE,
and there's plenty of room for YOU and ALL YOUR RELATIVES.

MI SUCCESSFUL CASA ES YOU SUCCESSFUL CASA.

AND AMIGOS, ES MOO-EE BE-AN.

EL GRANDE SUCCESS-O ES UN MOMENTO AWAY!

WELCOME TO MI FAMALIA.

Posted by clamlynch at 9:07 PM