Clam Lynch - Cut the Crap

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November 28, 2005

TRICK YOUR unSUCCESSFUL MIND BY EMBARRASSING IT IN PUBLIC.

NOW MY FRIENDS, THIS IS PRETTY ADVANCED STUFF.

IF YOU DON'T FEEL READY (OR DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD),

I WOULD SUGGEST TRYING SOME OF MY OTHER TECHNIQUES FIRST—

Because this is BIG TIME FANCYPANTS STUFF!

OK. HERE YOU GO.

Next time you're in a public setting, and your bad/negative mind starts yammering,

JUST START LAUGHING!
That's right, you heard me.

JUST START LAUGHING REALLY LOUD TO YOURSELF!

SO WHEN THE BAD THOUGHTS COME AND THEY START SAYING STUFF LIKE:

"NOBODY LIKES YOU, YOU'RE A LOSER, A FRAUD, YOU CAN'T DO ANYTHING RIGHT!
YOU'RE BROKE, YOU'RE ALONE, YOU'RE A WASTE OF SPACE"...EVICTION, DEPRESSION, AND ON AND ON.

YOU JUST START LAUGHING OUT LOUD and SAYING STUFF OUT LOUD LIKE:

"OH YOU ARE FUNNY!"
"OH YOU'RE KILLING ME! FUNNY GUY, YOU'RE CRACKING ME UP!"
"STOP IT, I'M GOING TO PEE IN MY PANTS AND MY ASS HURTS!"

THIS CONFUSES THE MIND AND ALSO HUMILIATES IT IN A PUBLIC SETTING!

AND THAT'S POWERFUL STUFF!

NOW, YOUR MIND MIGHT SCREAM, "STOP IT! WE ARE IN PUBLIC AND PEOPLE ARE STARTING TO STARE!

THEY'RE GOING TO TAKE US AWAY! AND MAKE US TAKE ALL THOSE PILLS AGAIN!"

THAT'S WHEN YOU SAY :

"OK BUSTER, HERE'S THE DEAL: I WILL STOP LAUGHING AND TALKING AND PEEING MY PANTS IN PUBLIC,
IF YOU ADMIT YOU'RE WRONG!

YOU ADMIT:

THAT I AM A WINNER!
THAT I AM GOOD!
THAT I AM SUCCESSFUL and HAPPY!
THAT I AM COOL AND LOVABLE!
THAT I AM GOING TO BE GREAT!"

NOW, Your mind might argue and say: "BUT THAT'S NOT TRUE! THAT'S NOT LOGICAL!
THAT'S JUST WISHFUL THINKING!"

YOU SAY:

"NOW LISTEN—LOGIC'S NOT PAYING THE BILLS MISTER! AND YOUR CONSTANT YAPPING
IS NOT HELPING! AND WHAT'S SO WRONG WITH BEING HAPPY? BESIDES THE FACT YOU WON'T HAVE A LOT TO DO. YOU NEED TO RETIRE ANYWAYS. YOU'RE OLD AND NEED A REST."

YOU MIGHT HAVE TO DEAL WITH SOME STARES, SOME RIDICULE, SOME EXPLANATIONS TO THE
AUTHORITIES.

BUT IT IS TOTALLY WORTH IT!
THAT BAD PART OF YOU WILL THINK TWICE ABOUT OPENING HIS FAT MOUTH IN PUBLIC.

AND IT ALSO PUTS YOU BACK IN THE SUCCESSFUL DRIVER'S SEAT, DRIVING DOWN THE ROAD IN YOUR FANCY SPORTS CAR WITH YOUR DYNAMITE LADY AT YOUR SIDE AND YOUR ASCOT BLOWING IN THE WIND OF YOUR MIND.

SUCCESSFUL DRIVERS WANTED.

Posted by clamlynch at 9:51 AM