August 21, 2006

NEW NEWS!

Well I finally did it! I BECAME NEW. And I’m NOT talking about that old "new again" crap. I AM talking about brand NEW. Like just pulled out of your mommy's special place, brand spanking NEW! And folks it feels, well it's hard to explain because obviously I have never felt this way.

When people used to talk about a NEW YOU, I used to think "oh like a new car or a new pair of slacks, maybe a new lady friend or a new job (or ANY job for that matter). But now I see it's an inside new like a totally new NUDE NEW, with or without all the outside fixins.

So now I AM going to go back and look for the chain of events that led up to this NEW NEWNESS. Then I will write them down and maybe put out a pamphlet or something? OR, maybe I will find a fire or some kind of big news event, and look for the news crew and tell them, "I saw everything" and when they put me on the air I will just start telling everyone out there in TV land how I became NEW and how they can do the same. YES! That is a great idea, and the new me is saying, "YES! THAT IS A GREAT IDEA, GOOD THINKING NEW ME! WAY TO GO!”

Now the old me would have said, "That’s a dumb idea" and turned the phone off and got back in bed. But that guy doesn’t live here anymore.
KNOCK ,KNOCK.
WHO THERE?
NEW.
NEW WHO?
NEW ME!
NOW OPEN THE GOSH DARN DOOR OLD ME AND HIT THE ROAD, YOUR SERVICES ARE NO LONGER NEEDED!

Now I’ve got to get to work. I have to look through years of morbidly depressed, fearful, hopeless, and tearstained journals to figure out just when and how this happened so I can get that info out to you dear readers.

The new news is on its way.

Love,
New Clam

Posted by clamlynch at 9:46 PM

August 2, 2006

I FORGOTTED

Folks imagine my embarrassment when I realized I forgot to post /publish my last blog-a-log entry which stated, "I was going to take a vow of silence and also a dramatic cut back in my food consumption, if I didn’t receive a check for the amount of $15,750.98 dollars from some sponsor or fancy pants highfalutin big wig of some major company"

Well as I sat locked in my home, silently waiting for the mailman and slightly hungry; to be honest with you I got a little bored and went for a walk. Now people let me tell you a little something about going on a little walk. First off if you decide to go on a little walk you should stick with a plan or time frame for said walk. Also you should have at least a general idea where you’re going to walk to.

Because that is EXACTLY WHAT I DID NOT DO.

I went off all silent and hungry and loosy goosy, aimlessly wandering into the woods and I learned a few things:

1. If you’re on any type of medication and you just take off for god knows where, you SHOULD BRING YOUR MEDICATION WITH YOU.

2. If you wear glasses and have night blindness with out them, then WHY THE HELL WOULD YOU LEAVE THEM AT HOME? ESPECIALLY WHEN YOUR SPONTANEOUS ILL PLAN WALK STARTS AT 7:25 PM!!

3. Maybe bring your wallet with some money in it and maybe some form of I.D.

There are so many other lessons in this tale, like wearing shoes, eating some food before you leave or perhaps bring a snack? A jacket? A map? OH MY GOODNESS GRANNY! The lists goes on and on.

Because folks what happened to me is going to HELP YOU. It will and show YOU exactly what not to do.

I’m not going to go into too much detail because it would take too many WORDS, (Maybe I will put out a little pamphlet or something?) but lets just say after wandering in the woods aimlessly for a couple of days I was finally rescued by a group of wee folks led by a wizard,(which actually turn out to be several forest rangers and a state trooper) and after a short stay in the county hospitals “quiet room" I was returned home .

The experience has had a profound effect on me and now I’m more focused and motivated to HELPING OTHERS, with or without $15,750.98 dollars. Because something happening to me out there as I was sitting on a rock crying and eating some grass. It was a voice and it said, "You are on the right path , just stick with it and don’t give up". It also said, "Stop eating that grass there's a whole field of blueberries right behind you".

So I AM back.
Walking on my friends.
Walk on.
Blessings and stuff.

Love Clam

Posted by clamlynch at 9:30 PM