February 24, 2007

FOLKS, I HAVE HAD ANOTHER BRAINSTORM!

And people this one was a DOOZY !!!! SNOW, RAIN, ICE, WIND and HAIL THE SIZE OF SMALL HEDGEHOGS (Which are cute but hurt when they fall on your head from a high altitude).

It started out as a clear day with a POSITIVE ATTITUDE and a not a cloud in my MIND, BUT THINGS SUDDENLY TOOK A TURN FOR THE WORST.

It started with a thought: What if I AM WRONG?

What if this whole HELPING PEOPLE THING DOESN’T PAN OUT?

And the thoughts quickly turned to FEELINGS, which attracted more FEELINGS which clouded up my thinking and the next thing ya know, I AM like some kinda’ crazy lizard in a panic just thinking of a way to SURVIVE the ONCOMING STORM!

AND SUDDENLY IT'S POURING RAIN/TEARS, AN ICY FREEZE (IN MY HEART) TOOK OVER AND THEN CAME THE WIND/GAS AND I COULD ONLY SMELL DISASTER. JUST WHEN I THOUGHT THE WORST HAD PASSED, LOW AND BEHOLD, HAIL or THE BEATING MYSELF UP WITH MUCH SELF PITY AND DOUBT STARTED FALLING LIKE PAINFUL LASHES FROM AN UNKNOWN SOURCE. I later found out that the SOURCE was me tapping on my HEAD WITH A BOX OF COOKIES.

MY DEAREST FRIENDS I MUST TELL YOU THE FOUNDATION REALLY SHOOK AND AT ONE POINT I THOUGHT IT JUST MIGHT CRACK. BUT IT HELD FIRM, THANK GOD!

THERE WAS EVEN A 59 "HAPPY FEELING VIBRATION CAR" PILE UP THAT CAUSED ME TO HAVE A POWER OUTAGE AND CAUSED MUCH CONFUSION, BUT, AND HERE IS THE GOOD NEWS, THE HOUSE HELD, THE SKY CLEARED UP, THE LEVEES DIDN’T BREAK AND MY TROUSERS STAYED DRY!

WHICH IS GREAT NEWS BECAUSE ALL THIS HAPPENED WHILE I WAS GIVING A TALK TO A TROOP OF GIRL SCOUTS ABOUT HOW TO GET THEIR COOKIE SALES BACK UP AND TO STOP EATING UP ALL THE PROFITS.

IN fact it was one chubby little gal eating a box of THIN MINTS that snapped me out of it. SEEING THAT SHE DESPERATELY NEEDED MY HELP AND THE CONCERNED LOOK ON THE DEN MOTHERS FACE WAS JUST THE TICKET TO FREE ME FROM MY SELF IMPOSED STORM PRISON AND CLEAR UP MY CLOUDY STATE.

THE SUNLIGHT OF THE SPIRIT RE-ENTERED MY HEART AND I WAS BACK TO THE REAL WORLD, BEFORE YOU COULD SAY, "WHERE AM I?". Which luckily I DID NOT SAY OUT LOUD.

SO hang in there SWEET PEOPLE and bring an umbrella JUST IN CASE. A MENTAL UMBRELLA IN YOUR MIND, THAT IS.

STAY ON THE SUNNY SIDE.

Clam

Posted by clamlynch at 5:54 PM

February 8, 2007

THE REAL TRUTH, I THINK?

DEAREST FRIENDS,

MORE HAS BEEN REVEALED SINCE MY LAST ENTRY. FIRST OFF, I FOUND MY NOTES, THE ONES I WROTE AFTER MY MIND GOT GROSSED OUT AND DECIDED TO LEAVE MY OVERLY MEDICATED BODY TEMPLE. AND THAT IS GOOD and VERY GOOD!!

NOW, YES THAT’S GOOD NEWS BUT THE NOT SO GOOD NEWS IS THAT AN EMPTY PHYSICAL BODY’S WRITING IS VERY SCRIBBLE SRABBLELY AND HARD TO DECIPHER.

YES FOLKS, WHEN THE MIND FLIES AWAY LOOKING FOR REFUGES AND YOUR INNER-LILLY’S ARE SPINNING OUT OF CONTROL AND THE ONLY GUIDE YOU HAVE IS A LITTLE MAN SITTING ON YOUR SHOULDER WHISPERING IN YOUR EAR.

SIDE NOTE: (IN MY DECODING PROCESS I FOUND OUT THE LITTLE MAN WAS CALLED THE POOP FAIRY...MORE ON THAT LATER)

THINGS CAN GET KIND OF BLA, BLA, BLA and WOP, WOP!

AND THE WORDS AND SIGNS AND SYMBOLS ALL LOOK LIKE THE TEACHERS VOICE IN CHARLIE BROWN
PUT TO PAPER.

WELL FRIEND HERE’S THE THING. I KNEW IF I WORKED REALLY HARD AND CONTINUOUSLY REPEATED THE MANTRA:

"THIS IS FOR US, THIS FOR US, THIS IS FOR US..."

I COULD CRACK THIS CRAZY CODE AND GAIN SOME INSIGHT FOR ME/YOU.

SO WITH SOME, EYE OF THE TIGER FOCUS AND A LITTLE, SHOCK THE MONKEY ENERGY, I WENT TO WORK.

AND HERE SPECIAL FRIENDS, ARE SOME OF THE SECRETS THAT WERE REVEALED TO ME.

STOP.

IF YOU ARE CONFUSED RIGHT NOW ABOUT WHAT I AM SAYING AND IT'S NOT BECAUSE YOU’RE IN FOUR POINT RESTRAINTS OR DOING SOME SORT OF STRANGE THORAZINE SHUFFLE IN SMALL CIRCLES AROUND THE ROOM OR PERHAPS JUST CRYING AND ROCKING BACK AND FORTH IN FRONT OF YOUR COMPUTER SCREEN (NO SHAME FRIEND, I HAVE BEEN THERE).

THEN I SUGGEST YOU READ MY PREVIOUS BLOG-A-LOG.

IF YOU HAVE ALREADY DONE THAT, THEN BY ALL MEANS READ ON. I AM SORRY FOR THE INTERRUPTION IN THE "FLOW".

SO WHERE WAS I?
OH YES!

THE SECRET.

WELL SWEET READER, I WILL BE HONEST, IT WASN’T AS MAGICAL AND MINDBLOWING-ISH AS I HAD HOPED.

DISCOVERY A:
I NEVER ACTUALLY WAS IN A JAIL. I WAS ACTUALLY IN MY SMALL BEDROOM WITH THE SHADES DRAWN.

DISCOVERY 2:
I NEVER ACTUALLY HAD TO POOP WHILE LARGE HAIRY BEAR MEN LOOKED ON. I DID HOWEVER POOP IN A SMALL JAR, WHICH I FOUND LATER IN MY MAILBOX. THE JAR WITH IT'S CAP ON AND COVERED IN STAMPS AND ADDRESSED TO MY OLD CUB SCOUT DEN MOTHER.

I ALSO SAW THAT DURING THIS POOPING PROCESS, THAT IT WAS ACTUALLY MY BIGFOOT POSTER ON THE WALL THAT WAS STARING AT ME. THE WRITING SAID "THE HAIRY MAN IS WATCHING ME WITH DISGUST AND DISAPPROVAL, BUT I DO NOT CARE, FOR THIS IS SOMETHING THAT MUST BE DONE."

DISCOVERY C:

I DID NOT ACTUALLY DRIVE A BULLDOZER AND THANK GOD FOR THAT, CAUSE IN THE STATE I WAS IN, A REAL BULLDOZER COULD HAVE QUICKLY TURNED INTO A KILLDOZER AND THE ONLY PEOPLE I WOULD OF HELPED, WOULD HAVE BEEN THE AMBULANCE, POLICE, FIRE TRUCK AND HOSPITAL PEOPLE, BY GETTING THEM SOME SWEET OVERTIME PAY FROM HELPING ALL THEM FOLKS I WOULD HAVE RUN DOWN.

I DID HOWEVER DRIVE A TONKA TRUCK TO AND FROM MY REFRIGERATOR MANY TIMES. I DIDN’T GET THAT INFO FROM THE NOTES. I FIGURED THAT OUT AFTER MANY ATTEMPTS TO SIT IN MEDITATION AND NOT BEING ABLE TO STAY IN THE BREATH BECAUSE OF THE INTENSELY UNBEARABLE PAIN ON MY BOTTOM AREA.

IT WAS ONLY LATER WHILE USING A SPECIAL TWO MIRROR TECHNIQUE AND SOME MEASUREMENTS AND CALCULATIONS THAT I WAS ABLE TO DEDUCT FROM THE SHAPE AND SIZE OF THE BRUISES AND WELTS WHAT HAD HAPPENED AND HOW.

I ALSO DID NOT FLY A HELICOPTER. ALTHOUGH THE WRITING SHOWED ME THAT I TRIED TO RIDE THE CEILING FAN IN MY ROOM, WHICH EXPLAINED WHY MY HANDS WERE SWOLLEN LIKE LARGE HAMS AND COVERED IN CUTS.

OH FOLKS, THE PAIN I DID TO MY FRAGILE BODY, THE SELFISHNESS AND SELF BONDAGE I CHOOSE WHEN I HELPED MYSELF TO THE WAY OF THE DRUNK'N MONKEY MAN AND TUNED MY BACK ON THE HELP'N PEOPLE MAN .

TWAS, PAINFUL.

OH IT STILL GIVES ME THE HEBBIE JEBBIES JUST THINKING ABOUT IT. THE REMORSE, THE SHAME, THE HORROR!!

NOW FRIENDS FOR ME TO STAY IN THAT TWITCHY, HEBBIE JEBBIE STAGE WOULD NOT BENEFIT ANYONE!

IN FACT IT WOULD BE DOWNRIGHT SHELL-FISH OF ME.

SO I AM SAYING:
“NAY, NAY" TO THAT.
INSTEAD I AM SAYING:
"YAH, YAH"

I AM SAYING HOORAY FOR MISTAKES!
HOORAY FOR MY PATH!
HOORAY FOR LESSONS LEARNED!

NOW I CAN HELP EVEN MORE.
I CAN BE MORE CLEAR AND DIRECT ON WHAT NOT TO DO.

SO THIS GROWTH SPURT HAS TURNED OUT TO BE A TRUE BLESSING.

NOW THE LIGHT SHINES BRIGHT ON ALL THE DARK TWISTED PLACES AND MY NEW FOUNDATION IS BUILT ON FIRM BEDROCK. NOT SLIPPERY SAND LIKE THE OLD ONE.

SO WERE "MOVING ON PEOPLE!"

AND WHEN I AM MOVE'N YOU KNOW THAT I AM GROOVE'N AND THAT’S A DYNAMITE FEELING.

WALK ON FRIENDS.
ALL LOVE.

YOUR CLAM.

Posted by clamlynch at 6:20 AM

February 4, 2007

LET ME HELP PUSH YOU/ME INTO A BETTER-ish LIFE!!

MAYBE IT WILL BE A NUDGE?
A TAP?
PERHAPS SOME TYPE OF MENTAL ENERGY VIBRATION, WITH A BEE, BOP, ZIP, ZAP, WIP, WAP, DINK'A DANK'A DOO!!
OR MAYBE IT'S A BIG OL KICK IN THE SPIRITUAL CROUCH?

I DO NOT KNOW?

I DO NOT PRETEND TO KNOW WHAT’S RIGHT FOR YOU or ME.
I AM not FANCY THAT WAY.

I JUST KNOW SOME TIMES WE NEED A LITTLE PUSH.
CAUSE FOLKS THIS I DO KNOW,
WHEN WE SAY, "LIFE IS GREAT"
GUESS WHAT FRIENDS!
NEWS FLASH.... IT IS!!!

BUT SOMETIMES WE NEED A LITTLE HELP TO GET OUR "FEEL GOOD" ENGINES RAVED UP!

NOW FRIENDS I HAVEN’T WRITTEN ANYTHING FOR A WHILE.
AND I HAVE GOTTEN PLENTY OF E-MAIL SAYING, WELL, SAYING YOU HAVEN’T WRITTEN ANYTHING FOR A WHILE.

WELL HERE’S THE POOP-A-SCOOP ON IT ALL.

I AM IN SAN FRANTASTICO AND I’M ON THE MEND FROM YET ANOTHER MENTAL BREAKDOWN/THROUGH.
AND GOOD NEWS!!!
OH, MY DEAR FRIENDS, I HAVE LEARNED SO MUCH.

FOR EXAMPLE:
GUESS WHAT?
I AM NOT A DOCTOR (WHO KNEW?) AND FLOKS, I CAN NOW SAY WITH THE UTMOST CONFIDENCE, IT’S NOT OK FOR ME TO PRESCRIBE MEDICATIONS FOR MYSELF.

BECAUSE FOR MYSELF THINGS WENT A LITTLE SOMETHING LIKE THIS;

AFTER SUFFERING MANY MENTAL ACHES AND PAINS, A COUPLE OF CRYING JAGS AND FEEDING AN UNRESOLVED RESENTMENT, TO THE POINT THAT IT WAS STARTING TO MAKE THE HEAD BLOAT (SIDENOTE: HEADBLOAT IS OUCHIE), I LEARNED A FEW THINGS.
AND HERE’S A LITTLE SAMPLE'N OF SOME OF THAT WISDOM I LEARNED AND WOULD LIKE TO SHARE WITH YOU NOW.

JUST TAKE IT OR LEAVE IT.

I AM ONLY TRYING TO HELP.
HERE GOES:

A. VICODAN IS NOT AN ANTI-DEPRESSANT.

2. THOUGH SOME MAY CALL ALCOHOL “SPIRITS" (I LIKE TO CALL IT GIGGLE SOUP.) DRINKING LARGE AMOUNTS OF THESE SO CALLED " SPIRITS” DOES NOT MAKE YOU MORE FULL OF SPIRIT, OR MORE SPIRITUALLY FULL.

IN FACT, FROM WHAT I CAN REMEMBER, AND IT'S NOT MUCH CAUSE I KEPT WAKING UP IN DIFFERENT PLACES, AFTER A WEEK OR SO OF TRYING TO GET ALL SPIRIT-FULL ON THEM SO CALLED SPIRITS, I ENDED UP IN A LITTLE PLACE THEY CALL JAIL.
AND YES, SURE THERE WERE PLENTY OF PEOPLE TO HELP THERE, AND YOU KNOW THAT’S MY THING.

JAIL LACKED ONE IMPORTANT ELEMENT.
AND THAT’S A LITTLE THING I LIKE TO CALL FREEDOM.
AND FOLKS I AM KINDA INTO THE WHOLE FREEDOM THING, BUT THAT’S JUST ME.
I ALSO HAVE TROUBLE POOPING WHILE BIG HAIRY BEAR-LIKE MEN ARE STARING AT ME, AGAIN THAT’S JUST ME.

C. WHEN YOU HAVE SOME REALLY BIG IDEAS AND YOU DON’T TELL ANYONE ELSE OR EVEN THINK OF RUNNING IT BY SOMEONE, THEN SOMETIMES THESE BIG IDEAS START TO SOUND VERY LOGICAL AND PERFECTLY SANE.

WHEN IN ACTUALITY THEY MIGHT BE WHAT SOME FOLK WOULD CALL
" KOO - KOO BIRD THINK’N"

THOUGHTS LIKE THESE FOR EXAMPLE:

"I COULD DRIVE THAT LARGE BULLDOZER TO THE LOCAL LIQUOR STORE, IT’S ONLY THREE OR FOUR MILES. HOW HARD COULD IT BE?"

OR

“I’VE PLAYED ENOUGH VIDEO GAMES IN MY YOUTH, I DON’T SEE WHY THE HECK I COULDN’T FLY THAT HELICOPTER TO THE EAST COAST TO VISIT MY FAMILY! WON’T THEY BE SURPRISED WHEN I LAND ON THEIR LITTLE ROAD IN THE TRAILER PARK?"

OR EVEN SMALLER THINGS LIKE:

“NO ONES GONNA TELL ME WHICH SIDE OF THE DING, DANG ROAD TO DRIVE ON!!"

DEAR FRIEND, I HOPE THESE LITTLE LIFE LESSON I FOUND ALONG MY PATH CAN TRULY HELP US ALL, AS WE CONTINUE TO DISCOVER WHAT NOT TO DO, IN THIS LITTLE THING CALLED LIFE.

AND FRIENDS I AM GRATEFUL AND HONORED TO BE THE ONE TO HELP YOU MAKE SOME "GOOD/BETTER DECISIONS"

NOW THERE’S PLENTY MORE TO TELL AS THE FOG CONTINUES TO LIFT AND PERHAPS I'LL EVEN LOCATE THAT LITTLE BOOK I WAS WRITING IN DURING MY IN AND OUT OF CONSCIOUSNESS STATE.

I WILL BE LOOKING FORWARD TO SHARING MUCH MORE WITH YOU MY FRIENDS.

PLEASE!!! NO PRAISES FOR MY WORK OUT THERE; IT’S REWARDING ENOUGH TO THINK THAT YOU DON’T HAVE TO DO THESE THINGS!

CAUSE I DID THEM FOR YOU!

HOORAY FOR ME!! AND HOORAY FOR US!!

WELL, I SEND YOU LOVE AND LIGHT FROM THE CITY BY THE GAY BAY.

AND BOW TO YOU WITH A GREAT BIG OL' NAMASTE.

LA PAIX SOIT AVEC TO!!!

YOURS IN ALL WAYS,
CLAM

Posted by clamlynch at 6:16 PM