February 8, 2007

THE REAL TRUTH, I THINK?

DEAREST FRIENDS,

MORE HAS BEEN REVEALED SINCE MY LAST ENTRY. FIRST OFF, I FOUND MY NOTES, THE ONES I WROTE AFTER MY MIND GOT GROSSED OUT AND DECIDED TO LEAVE MY OVERLY MEDICATED BODY TEMPLE. AND THAT IS GOOD and VERY GOOD!!

NOW, YES THAT’S GOOD NEWS BUT THE NOT SO GOOD NEWS IS THAT AN EMPTY PHYSICAL BODY’S WRITING IS VERY SCRIBBLE SRABBLELY AND HARD TO DECIPHER.

YES FOLKS, WHEN THE MIND FLIES AWAY LOOKING FOR REFUGES AND YOUR INNER-LILLY’S ARE SPINNING OUT OF CONTROL AND THE ONLY GUIDE YOU HAVE IS A LITTLE MAN SITTING ON YOUR SHOULDER WHISPERING IN YOUR EAR.

SIDE NOTE: (IN MY DECODING PROCESS I FOUND OUT THE LITTLE MAN WAS CALLED THE POOP FAIRY...MORE ON THAT LATER)

THINGS CAN GET KIND OF BLA, BLA, BLA and WOP, WOP!

AND THE WORDS AND SIGNS AND SYMBOLS ALL LOOK LIKE THE TEACHERS VOICE IN CHARLIE BROWN
PUT TO PAPER.

WELL FRIEND HERE’S THE THING. I KNEW IF I WORKED REALLY HARD AND CONTINUOUSLY REPEATED THE MANTRA:

"THIS IS FOR US, THIS FOR US, THIS IS FOR US..."

I COULD CRACK THIS CRAZY CODE AND GAIN SOME INSIGHT FOR ME/YOU.

SO WITH SOME, EYE OF THE TIGER FOCUS AND A LITTLE, SHOCK THE MONKEY ENERGY, I WENT TO WORK.

AND HERE SPECIAL FRIENDS, ARE SOME OF THE SECRETS THAT WERE REVEALED TO ME.

STOP.

IF YOU ARE CONFUSED RIGHT NOW ABOUT WHAT I AM SAYING AND IT'S NOT BECAUSE YOU’RE IN FOUR POINT RESTRAINTS OR DOING SOME SORT OF STRANGE THORAZINE SHUFFLE IN SMALL CIRCLES AROUND THE ROOM OR PERHAPS JUST CRYING AND ROCKING BACK AND FORTH IN FRONT OF YOUR COMPUTER SCREEN (NO SHAME FRIEND, I HAVE BEEN THERE).

THEN I SUGGEST YOU READ MY PREVIOUS BLOG-A-LOG.

IF YOU HAVE ALREADY DONE THAT, THEN BY ALL MEANS READ ON. I AM SORRY FOR THE INTERRUPTION IN THE "FLOW".

SO WHERE WAS I?
OH YES!

THE SECRET.

WELL SWEET READER, I WILL BE HONEST, IT WASN’T AS MAGICAL AND MINDBLOWING-ISH AS I HAD HOPED.

DISCOVERY A:
I NEVER ACTUALLY WAS IN A JAIL. I WAS ACTUALLY IN MY SMALL BEDROOM WITH THE SHADES DRAWN.

DISCOVERY 2:
I NEVER ACTUALLY HAD TO POOP WHILE LARGE HAIRY BEAR MEN LOOKED ON. I DID HOWEVER POOP IN A SMALL JAR, WHICH I FOUND LATER IN MY MAILBOX. THE JAR WITH IT'S CAP ON AND COVERED IN STAMPS AND ADDRESSED TO MY OLD CUB SCOUT DEN MOTHER.

I ALSO SAW THAT DURING THIS POOPING PROCESS, THAT IT WAS ACTUALLY MY BIGFOOT POSTER ON THE WALL THAT WAS STARING AT ME. THE WRITING SAID "THE HAIRY MAN IS WATCHING ME WITH DISGUST AND DISAPPROVAL, BUT I DO NOT CARE, FOR THIS IS SOMETHING THAT MUST BE DONE."

DISCOVERY C:

I DID NOT ACTUALLY DRIVE A BULLDOZER AND THANK GOD FOR THAT, CAUSE IN THE STATE I WAS IN, A REAL BULLDOZER COULD HAVE QUICKLY TURNED INTO A KILLDOZER AND THE ONLY PEOPLE I WOULD OF HELPED, WOULD HAVE BEEN THE AMBULANCE, POLICE, FIRE TRUCK AND HOSPITAL PEOPLE, BY GETTING THEM SOME SWEET OVERTIME PAY FROM HELPING ALL THEM FOLKS I WOULD HAVE RUN DOWN.

I DID HOWEVER DRIVE A TONKA TRUCK TO AND FROM MY REFRIGERATOR MANY TIMES. I DIDN’T GET THAT INFO FROM THE NOTES. I FIGURED THAT OUT AFTER MANY ATTEMPTS TO SIT IN MEDITATION AND NOT BEING ABLE TO STAY IN THE BREATH BECAUSE OF THE INTENSELY UNBEARABLE PAIN ON MY BOTTOM AREA.

IT WAS ONLY LATER WHILE USING A SPECIAL TWO MIRROR TECHNIQUE AND SOME MEASUREMENTS AND CALCULATIONS THAT I WAS ABLE TO DEDUCT FROM THE SHAPE AND SIZE OF THE BRUISES AND WELTS WHAT HAD HAPPENED AND HOW.

I ALSO DID NOT FLY A HELICOPTER. ALTHOUGH THE WRITING SHOWED ME THAT I TRIED TO RIDE THE CEILING FAN IN MY ROOM, WHICH EXPLAINED WHY MY HANDS WERE SWOLLEN LIKE LARGE HAMS AND COVERED IN CUTS.

OH FOLKS, THE PAIN I DID TO MY FRAGILE BODY, THE SELFISHNESS AND SELF BONDAGE I CHOOSE WHEN I HELPED MYSELF TO THE WAY OF THE DRUNK'N MONKEY MAN AND TUNED MY BACK ON THE HELP'N PEOPLE MAN .

TWAS, PAINFUL.

OH IT STILL GIVES ME THE HEBBIE JEBBIES JUST THINKING ABOUT IT. THE REMORSE, THE SHAME, THE HORROR!!

NOW FRIENDS FOR ME TO STAY IN THAT TWITCHY, HEBBIE JEBBIE STAGE WOULD NOT BENEFIT ANYONE!

IN FACT IT WOULD BE DOWNRIGHT SHELL-FISH OF ME.

SO I AM SAYING:
“NAY, NAY" TO THAT.
INSTEAD I AM SAYING:
"YAH, YAH"

I AM SAYING HOORAY FOR MISTAKES!
HOORAY FOR MY PATH!
HOORAY FOR LESSONS LEARNED!

NOW I CAN HELP EVEN MORE.
I CAN BE MORE CLEAR AND DIRECT ON WHAT NOT TO DO.

SO THIS GROWTH SPURT HAS TURNED OUT TO BE A TRUE BLESSING.

NOW THE LIGHT SHINES BRIGHT ON ALL THE DARK TWISTED PLACES AND MY NEW FOUNDATION IS BUILT ON FIRM BEDROCK. NOT SLIPPERY SAND LIKE THE OLD ONE.

SO WERE "MOVING ON PEOPLE!"

AND WHEN I AM MOVE'N YOU KNOW THAT I AM GROOVE'N AND THAT’S A DYNAMITE FEELING.

WALK ON FRIENDS.
ALL LOVE.

YOUR CLAM.

Posted by clamlynch at 6:20 AM