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August 25, 2007

I AM CLEAN AND NEW, MUCH LIKE A BABY.
(PART 2 OF LAST BLOG)

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WELL BELOVED ONES, I CALLED SHARPIE AND THEY GOT ME SO DIDDELLY DAMN ANGRY THAT I WAS STARTING TO SINK INTO A SHAME SPIRAL WHICH THEN STARTED VIBING INTO AN EMOTIONAL WORMHOLE THAT STARTED PULLING ME AND ALL MY BAD THOUGHTS INTO A VERY DARK PLACE.

THANK GOD IT'S A FREE-ISH COUNTRY AND I AM ABLE TO BE PRO-CHOICE, CAUSE I CHOSE TO HANG UP ON THAT EMOTIONAL VAMPIRE ON THE OTHER END.

THIS FELLA, SEEMED WAY MORE INTERESTED IN ME CALLING SOME CRAZY PERSON HOTLINE OR FINDING OUT WHERE I WAS SO THEY COULD SEND SOMEONE OVER TO TALK TO ME, RATHER THAN HELPING ME REMOVE THE WRITING FROM MY FACE. HE WAS TELLING ME, "I MIGHT BE DEPRESSED."

TO WHICH I SAID, "THANKS DR. SHERLOCK, YES! I AM DEPRESSED! I AM DEPRESSED THAT YOU’RE SAYING I’M DEPRESSED AND NOT TELLING ME WHAT PRODUCT TO USE TO GET YOUR G.D. PRODUCT OFF MY FACE! THAT’S WHAT’S DEPRESSING ME. MR. MAN!! KRIPERS!! "

I THEN APOLOGIZED FOR GETTING MAD AND SAID THANK YOU, MOSTLY BECAUSE I REFUSE TO HOLD ONTO THE ANGER AND RESENTMENT, WHICH OF COURSE WOULD JUST HURT ME, NOT THIS POOR CLOSED MINDED SLOB, ALL CAUGHT UP IN HIS “IF ANYONE’S A LITTLE DIFFERENT THEN THEY MUST BE CRAZY” TYPE OF STINKING THINKING.

ANYWAYS SORRY WE HAD TO RELIVE THAT.

SO BACK TO NOW. DEEP BREATH....AND BEGIN.

OK, SO AFTER TALKING TO MR. SHARPIE, I WAS MAD AS MUSTARD. SO I CALMED DOWN AND TOOK MY CLOTHES BACK OFF (I DON’T LIKE TO TALK ON THE PHONE NAKED, IT SEEMS RUDE TO ME FOR SOME REASON).

THEN I DECIDED TO WASH IT OFF THE BEST I COULD AND IN THE MORNING CALL IN SICK TO WORK, CAUSE I KNEW I WOULD BE SICK OF PEOPLE STARING AT ME BEFORE MY SHIFT WAS OVER, SO IT SEEMED LIKE A TRUE STATEMENT.

SO THE NEXT DAY, WHEN IT WAS TIME TO PICK UP MY CHILD, I PUT ON CLOWN MAKE UP, WHICH WAS ACTUALLY WHITE OUT, CAUSE I WAS OUT OF CLOWN MAKEUP, AND WHEN I PICKED MY CHILD UP, I TOLD HER IT WAS CLOWN DAY AT WORK.

I DID NOT FEEL OBLIGATED TO TELL HER THAT MY WORK FOR THAT DAY WAS LYING IN BED SMOKING CIGARETTES AND THINKING OF NEW WAYS TO HELP PEOPLE. NEEDLESS TO SAY SHE SEEMED OK WITH IT AND JUST ROLLED HER EYES AND STARTED READING A MAGAZINE, ALTHOUGH SHE DID SLIDE WAY DOWN ON THE CAR FLOOR WHEN WE DROVE PASS SOME OF HER FRIENDS AND I WAVED TO THEM.

BY THE TIME WE GOT HOME THOUGH, WE WERE BOTH LAUGHING SO HARD THERE WERE TEARS, SNOT AND PEE COMING OUT OF US. I ONLY LATER REALIZED IT WAS PROBABLY THE FUMES FROM THE WHITE OUT AND THE WINDOWS BEING UP ALONG WITH THE RECYCLED AIR THAT PUT US IN SUCH A EUPHORIC STATE.

NOW, I DON’T KNOW IF IT WAS WHATEVER WAS IN THE WHITE OUT, BUT THAT EVENING I WAS ABLE TO GET 90% OF THE WRITING OFF, EXCEPT FOR ONE VERY SENSITIVE AREA.

FOLKS I HAVE TO TELL YOU, I FELT CLEAN AND NEW. IN FACT MY FACE AND ARMS SEEM AS SMOOTH AS A BABY DOLPHINS BOTTOM.

SO FRIENDS, I AM BACK ON TRACK AND MORE SURE THAN EVER OF WHAT I DO WANT AND ALSO WHAT I DON’T WANT.

I AM GOING TO USE MY NEW IMAGINARY MENTAL SHARPIE TO WRITE GOOD WORDS ON ME AND ALSO ON YOU !!

BUT ONLY IF YOU WANT ME TO AND YOU SAY IT'S OK. I AM AWARE OF AND RESPECT YOUR BOUNDARIES AND I WOULD NEVER WRITE INVISIBLE WORDS ON YOU IF YOU DID NOT WANT ME TO.

ANYHOOT,
I AM JAZZED!
I AM TURNED ON!
AND I MUST SAY, A LITTLE WISER.
THANK GOD FOR MISTAKES.
THANK GOD FOR WHITE OUT.
THANK YOU, ME, LIFE.
IT'S GOOD AND VERY GOOD.

LOVE,
CLAM

Posted by clamlynch at 6:17 AM



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