Clam Lynch - Cut the Crap

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January 8, 2008

I AM JAZZED!!!

WELCOME FRIENDS AND FELLOW, LOVERS OF THE DANCE.

HEY FOLKS, LET'S GET JAZZED TODAY!! WHATA YA SAY?
LET’S JUST GET ALL JAZZY FOR A MINUTE AND JAZZ ON!

I AM WEARING MY FANTASY JAZZ BOOTS RIGHT NOW AND NOT MUCH MORE, IF YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN (WINK). IF YOU DON’T KNOW WHAT I MEAN, I AM PRETTY MUCH NAKED EXCEPT FOR A SMALL TOWEL AND MY BOGGITY, BOGGITY SHOES (THAT’S WHAT I CALL MY FANTASY JAZZ BOOTS WHEN I’M ALONE).

ANYWAYS, ITS BEEN A VERY TRYING DAY AND I AM HOME ALONE, SO I DECIDED TO GET MY JAZZ GROVE ON.

LET ME TELL YOU DEAR READER, WHEN YOU’RE FELLING DOWN AND UNABLE TO GET THAT FEEL GOOD MOJO WORKING, NOTHING SNAPS YOU BACK LIKE A LITTLE NAKED, JAZZ MAN/LADY DANCING.

IT'S THE QUICKEST WAY I KNOW TO PUT A LITTLE PAZZAZ BACK INTO YOUR HEART, MIND AND BOOTY.

NOW JUST GET IN FRONT OF THAT MIRROR AND JAZZ IT ON OUT!!
AND BEFORE YOU KNOW IT; 1 ,2, BINGO!!
YOU’RE BACK VIBRATING THAT FEEL GOOD ENERGY AND FEELING JAZZTASTIC!!

A FEW WORDS OF ADVICE:

WINDOW SHADES SHOULD BE IN THE DOWN POSITION WHILE YOU'RE JAZZ'N.

And

IF A SO CALLED FRIEND TRIES TO TALK YOU INTO VIDEOTAPING YOUR JAZZ-CAPADES BY SAYING, "COME ON!! YOU CAN WATCH IT LATER AND WORK ON YOU ROUTINE, IT WILL BE FUN". THEN THAT SAME EX-FRIEND TELLS YOU THE VIDEO CAMERA IS BROKE AND IT DIDN’T RECORD. LATER, YOUR FRIEND MARY LOU SHOWS YOU THIS "REALLY HILARIOUS GUY DANCING NAKED IN FRONT OF A MIRROR" THAT SHE FOUND ON THE YOU TUBE THING-A-MA-JIGGY AND YOU’RE THINKING, “THANK GOD I DECIDED TO PUT BLACK TAPE OVER MY EYES AT THE LAST MINUTE, EVEN THOUGH REMOVING THE TAPE PULLED ALL MY EYE LASHES OFF”. THEN SOME FAMILY MEMBER WHO, LIKE THE REST OF YOUR FAMILY, THINKS THAT YOU’RE CRAZY AND THAT YOU SHOULD GO TO A PLACE THAT CAN HELP YOU GET UN-CRAZY, START CALLING EVERY HOUR OR SO SAYING, "JUST CHECKING IN WITH YOU" AND "HOW ARE YOU FEELING?" AND "DO YOU WANT TO TALK?" ....

WELL, ANYWAYS, I AM JUST SAYING, DO NOT LET ANYONE FILM, TAPE, OR EVEN
DO A QUICK SKETCH OF YOU WHILE YOU’RE IN THE JAZZ ZONE. EVER!!

Also

IF YOU’RE GOING TO TRY TO DO THAT CHAIR TRICK WHERE YOU STAND ON THE CHAIR AND TIP IT OVER BY PUSHING YOUR FOOT AGAINST THE BACK PART ...WELL LET’S JUST SAY, THIS VETERAN JAZZOLOGIST, HAD TO GO TO THE FREE CLINIC AND HAVE A PIECE OF AN OLD WOODEN CHAIR REMOVED FROM A HOLE THAT IS MORE USED TO NOT HAVING PARTS OF CHAIRS STUCK UP IN IT, IF YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN (WINK).

IF YOU DON’T, I AM TALKING ABOUT MY BOTTOM HOLE.

SO USE DISCRETION.
FOLLOW YOUR INNER-GUIDANCE.
DON’T BE AFRAID.

JUST TURN ON YOUR HEART LIGHT AND MAKE A MOVE. CAUSE YOU’RE GOING TO BE "MOVING ON UP" IN NO TIME AT ALL.

THAT’S A GUARANTEE.

I WILL JAZZ YOU LATER MY DEAR FRIENDS,

CLAM
P.S
KNOCK, KNOCK..

Posted by clamlynch at 11:52 AM