February 25, 2008

IMAGINATION IS REAL!!

I LIKE TO THINK OF 10 IMAGINARY THINGS THAT COULD HAPPEN WHEN I FIRST WAKE UP IN THE MORNING. Before breakfast or coffee or a cigarette or whatever else might pop up before I get out of bed (wink).

IMAGINARY FOOD.
IMAGINARY MONEY.
IMAGINARY JOB.
IMAGINARY FRIENDS.
IMAGINARY MENTAL HEALTH.
IMAGINARY CAR.
IMAGINARY LOVER.
And so on…

THEN I IMAGINE WHAT THAT WOULD LOOK, FEEL, TASTE AND SMELL LIKE.

THEN I PLUG INTO IT.
AND GET, TURNED ON TO IT.

THEN MAYBE THE PHONE RINGS OR I GET AN EMAIL OR THERE’S A LOUD KNOCK ON THE DOOR (Sometimes on the apartment door sometimes in my mind)

AND IT USUALLY IS SOMEONE OR SOMETHING TRYING TO PULL ME INTO THE SO-CALLED- REAL WORLD-SAYING, "WAKE UP IMAGINARY MAN WITH YOUR IMAGINARY THOUGHTS OF THINGS UNSEEN"

And they start in with their FEARS and their LOGIC and their GOSSIP and OPINIONS and BLAH, BLAH, BLAHS!

AND I SAY, "NOW WAIT A DING DANG, BEE-BOOP'N MINUTE!"

I AM cooking up some NEW THOUGHTS and there’s one thing I know about COOKING. TOO MANY COOKS SPOIL THE IMAGINARY STEW!!

FOLKS IMAGINATION IS WHERE IT ALL STARTS.
FEEL IT,BE IT, SEE IT, DO IT !!
AND BEFORE YOU KNOW IT ,YOUR IMAGINATION WORLD WELL BECOME YOU REAL WORLD.
JUST KEEP AT IT AND GET JAZZED ABOUT YOUR IMAGINARY NEW WORLD.

TALK TO YOURSELF (OUT LOUD) ABOUT HOW GREAT IT IS.
AND HERES A LITTLE TIP:
I FIND IT HELPFUL TO WEAR SOME KIND OF HEADSET IF YOUR OUT IN PUBLIC SO UNHIP FOLKS DONT
GIVE YOU THE FUNNY EYES OR CALL THE POLICE.

BUT MAKE SURE THE OTHER END OF THE CORD IS STUCK IN YOUR PANTS POCKET,NOT YOUR ZIPPER, OR SHIRT.

AND JUST YAMMER AWAY ABOUT HOW THINGS ARE SO GREAT!! IN THE IMAGINARY NOW.
AGAIN DONT JUST THINK IT, FEEL IT!!!

I AM IMAGINING A GREAT NEW LIFE FOR ME/YOU, AND YOU KNOW THAT IS THE REAL DEAL!! And I AM NOT JUST PULLING YOUR TOOT STRING.

IMAGINE THAT FOR A MINUTE. A WORLD OF TRUE IMAGINATION.

I AM GOING TO NOW TAKE ANOTHER IMAGINATION NAP.

GOOD MORNING, GOOD NIGHT, GOOD DAY.

IMAGINE ME AND YOU.

I DO.

CLAM

Posted by clamlynch at 2:16 PM

February 24, 2008

I AM CLEAN AND NEW, MUCH LIKE A BABY.
(PART 2 OF LAST BLOG)

WELL BELOVED ONES, I CALLED SHARPIE AND THEY GOT ME SO DIDDELLY DAMN ANGRY THAT I WAS STARTING TO SINK INTO A SHAME SPIRAL WHICH THEN STARTED VIBING INTO AN EMOTIONAL WORMHOLE THAT STARTED PULLING ME AND ALL MY BAD THOUGHTS INTO A VERY DARK PLACE.

THANK GOD IT'S A FREE-ISH COUNTRY AND I AM ABLE TO BE PRO-CHOICE, CAUSE I CHOSE TO HANG UP ON THAT EMOTIONAL VAMPIRE ON THE OTHER END.

THIS FELLA, SEEMED WAY MORE INTERESTED IN ME CALLING SOME CRAZY PERSON HOTLINE OR FINDING OUT WHERE I WAS SO THEY COULD SEND SOMEONE OVER TO TALK TO ME, RATHER THAN HELPING ME REMOVE THE WRITING FROM MY FACE. HE WAS TELLING ME, "I MIGHT BE DEPRESSED."

TO WHICH I SAID, "THANKS DR. SHERLOCK, YES! I AM DEPRESSED! I AM DEPRESSED THAT YOU’RE SAYING I’M DEPRESSED AND NOT TELLING ME WHAT PRODUCT TO USE TO GET YOUR G.D. PRODUCT OFF MY FACE! THAT’S WHAT’S DEPRESSING ME. MR. MAN!! KRIPERS!! "

I THEN APOLOGIZED FOR GETTING MAD AND SAID THANK YOU, MOSTLY BECAUSE I REFUSE TO HOLD ONTO THE ANGER AND RESENTMENT, WHICH OF COURSE WOULD JUST HURT ME, NOT THIS POOR CLOSED MINDED SLOB, ALL CAUGHT UP IN HIS “IF ANYONE’S A LITTLE DIFFERENT THEN THEY MUST BE CRAZY” TYPE OF STINKING THINKING.

ANYWAYS SORRY WE HAD TO RELIVE THAT.

SO BACK TO NOW. DEEP BREATH....AND BEGIN.

OK, SO AFTER TALKING TO MR. SHARPIE, I WAS MAD AS MUSTARD. SO I CALMED DOWN AND TOOK MY CLOTHES BACK OFF (I DON’T LIKE TO TALK ON THE PHONE NAKED, IT SEEMS RUDE TO ME FOR SOME REASON).

THEN I DECIDED TO WASH IT OFF THE BEST I COULD AND IN THE MORNING CALL IN SICK TO WORK, CAUSE I KNEW I WOULD BE SICK OF PEOPLE STARING AT ME BEFORE MY SHIFT WAS OVER, SO IT SEEMED LIKE A TRUE STATEMENT.

SO THE NEXT DAY, WHEN IT WAS TIME TO PICK UP MY CHILD, I PUT ON CLOWN MAKE UP, WHICH WAS ACTUALLY WHITE OUT, CAUSE I WAS OUT OF CLOWN MAKEUP, AND WHEN I PICKED MY CHILD UP, I TOLD HER IT WAS CLOWN DAY AT WORK.

I DID NOT FEEL OBLIGATED TO TELL HER THAT MY WORK FOR THAT DAY WAS LYING IN BED SMOKING CIGARETTES AND THINKING OF NEW WAYS TO HELP PEOPLE. NEEDLESS TO SAY SHE SEEMED OK WITH IT AND JUST ROLLED HER EYES AND STARTED READING A MAGAZINE, ALTHOUGH SHE DID SLIDE WAY DOWN ON THE CAR FLOOR WHEN WE DROVE PASS SOME OF HER FRIENDS AND I WAVED TO THEM.

BY THE TIME WE GOT HOME THOUGH, WE WERE BOTH LAUGHING SO HARD THERE WERE TEARS, SNOT AND PEE COMING OUT OF US. I ONLY LATER REALIZED IT WAS PROBABLY THE FUMES FROM THE WHITE OUT AND THE WINDOWS BEING UP ALONG WITH THE RECYCLED AIR THAT PUT US IN SUCH A EUPHORIC STATE.

NOW, I DON’T KNOW IF IT WAS WHATEVER WAS IN THE WHITE OUT, BUT THAT EVENING I WAS ABLE TO GET 90% OF THE WRITING OFF, EXCEPT FOR ONE VERY SENSITIVE AREA.

FOLKS I HAVE TO TELL YOU, I FELT CLEAN AND NEW. IN FACT MY FACE AND ARMS SEEM AS SMOOTH AS A BABY DOLPHINS BOTTOM.

SO FRIENDS, I AM BACK ON TRACK AND MORE SURE THAN EVER OF WHAT I DO WANT AND ALSO WHAT I DON’T WANT.

I AM GOING TO USE MY NEW IMAGINARY MENTAL SHARPIE TO WRITE GOOD WORDS ON ME AND ALSO ON YOU !!

BUT ONLY IF YOU WANT ME TO AND YOU SAY IT'S OK. I AM AWARE OF AND RESPECT YOUR BOUNDARIES AND I WOULD NEVER WRITE INVISIBLE WORDS ON YOU IF YOU DID NOT WANT ME TO.

ANYHOOT,
I AM JAZZED!
I AM TURNED ON!
AND I MUST SAY, A LITTLE WISER.
THANK GOD FOR MISTAKES.
THANK GOD FOR WHITE OUT.
THANK YOU, ME, LIFE.
IT'S GOOD AND VERY GOOD.

LOVE,
CLAM

Posted by clamlynch at 6:17 AM

February 23, 2008

I AM SPREADING WORDS AND THOUGHTS AND STUFF

I AM really spreading some nice WORDS and THOUGHTS and VIBRATIONS all over the place AND LET ME TELL YOU, IT IS FUN! I feel GOOD!

I AM lying on the floor and I am covered with WORDS . I WROTE WORDS ALL OVER MY BODY AND ALTHOUGH I PROBABLY SHOULD NOT HAVE USED PERMANENT MARKER (ESPECIALLY ON MY FACE AND PRIVATE PLACES) IT STILL FEELS FREEING.

COME TO THINK OF IT I AM GOING TO HAVE TO WRAP BANDAGES ALL AROUND MY FACE AND HANDS BEFORE I GO TO WORK TOMORROW AND PICK UP MY CHILD IN THE AFTERNOON. I AM GOING TO LOOK LIKE THAT GUY IN THE INVISIBLE MAN MOVIE.

WHAT IF SOMEONE ASKS ME WHAT HAPPENED? WHICH I AM THINKING JUST MIGHT HAPPEN.

I’M NOT INTO LYING CAUSE IT ALWAYS SEEM TO COME BACK TO YOU BY EITHER GETTING CAUGHT OR ATTRACTING OTHER LIARS, WHICH THEN ATTRACTS OTHER LIARS. NEXT THING YOU KNOW, YOU’RE SURROUNDED BY ONE BIG PACK OF LIARS AND YOU CAN’T GET A STRAIGHT ANSWER OTTA ANYONE.

FIBBERS ARE OK SOMETIMES, AT LEAST THEY’RE FUNNY AND EVENTUALLY TELL THE TRUTH OR A LITTLE WHITE LYING TO NOT HURT SOMEONE’S FEELINGS ISN'T TOO BAD. I WOULD RATHER HANG OUT WITH A GOOD NATURED FIBBER OR A KINDHEARTED WHITE LIAR PERSON THEN A BRUTALLY HONEST PERSON ANY DAY. BRUTALLY HONEST PEOPLE CAN BE SO THOUGHTLESS AND COLD....OK, I AM GETTING WAY OFF TRACK HERE.

BUT HEY, IF YOU DON’T LIKE IT, TOUGH TITTY!!
KIDDING!

ANYWAY, WHAT IF SOMEONE ASKS ME ABOUT THE BANDAGES? WHAT IF THEY SAY:
"OH MY GOODNESS MR. LYNCH WHAT HAPPENED TO YOU? DID YOU GET BURNED OR SOMETHING?"

DO I RIP OFF MY BANDAGES AND REVEAL MY PERMANENT MARKERED FACE AND YELL A GLEEFULL:
"YES MS. GOODBODY, I WAS BURNED, BURNED BY THE FLAME OF THE SPIRIT AND THE DIVINE SPARKS OF LOVE AND JOY!!!!"

THAT JUST MIGHT GET ME IN TROUBLE OR IN THE HOSPITAL, LIKE LAST TIME, WHICH I DON’T WANT TO TALK ABOUT NOW.

WELL LET ME THINK.
HUM....
MAN, I REALLY WENT TO TOWN ON MYSELF. I ACTUALLY USED UP TWO WHOLE FAT SHARPIES, DANG!

LAST TIME I DID THIS, I ENDED UP SCRUBBING IT OFF FOR HOURS AND ALTHOUGH I WAS ABLE TO GET MOST OF IT OFF, I WAS ALL PINK AND HAD MANY SCABS IN SOME VERY OUCHY PLACES.

I AM LOOKING IN THE MIRROR NOW AND I SEE THE WORD YPPAH REALLY BIG ACROSS MY FOREHEAD AND FRIENDS, TO BE TOTALLY HONEST WITH YOU, I AM NOT FEELING AS YPPAH AS I DID WHEN I WROTE IT.

YOU KNOW WHAT WOULD BE A REALLY BAD IDEA? IF I COLORED THE REST OF MY FACE IN BLACK AND JUST WENT TO WORK. IT WOULD BE LIKE THAT WHITE GUY IN THE 30'S WHO PUT SHOE POLISH ON HIS FACE AND SANG THAT SONG ABOUT HIS MOTHER AND COTTON AND MISSISSIPPI.

OH MAN!! THAT WOULD BE A REALLY, REALLY, BAD IDEA. I AM SO GLAD I AM NOT GOING TO DO THAT.

WELL I GUESS I COULD CALL IN SICK. I COULD JUST TELL MY KID IT WAS MARKER ALL OVER YOUR FACE DAY AT WORK.

OH, I DON’T KNOW. I THINK I WILL JUST CALL THE SHARPIE COMPANY AND TELL THEM WHAT I DID AND WHY I DID IT (IF THEY’RE INTERESTED) AND SEE WHAT THEY SAY.

WELL FRIENDS I SHOULD GO NOW AND TRY TO FIGURE THIS OUT.

I WILL KEEP YOU POSTED ON HOW THINGS PAN OUT.

KNOWING THAT MY MISTAKE MIGHT HELP YOU/ME TO MAYBE THINK THINGS THROUGH A LITTLE BETTER IS A GOOD FEELING.

SEE, NOW I’M FELLING YPPAH AGAIN.

THANK YOU DEAR READER.

LOVE,
MALC

Posted by clamlynch at 1:55 PM

February 13, 2008

TURN ON YOUR HEART LIGHT.

GOOD DAY/NIGHT FOLKS.

YOU MAY BE GETTING UP.

YOU MAY BE GOING DOWN?

MAYBE IT WOULD BE WISE FOR YOU TO STAY DOWN/ASLEEP FOR 1 OR 2 MORE HOURS OR PERHAPS 8 0R 12?

MAYBE YOU HAVE BEEN IN BED FOR TO MANY HOURS/DAYS?

I DONT KNOW WHAT YOU HAVE BEEN UP TO.

I AM NOT YOU.

I DO KNOW WHAT I HAVE BEEN UP TO.

I HAVE BEEN UP TO GOOD.

AND ALTHOUGH THE BAD/SMALL ME TRIED TO KILL ME EARLIER IN THE WEEK I FORGIVE ME FOR THAT. I UNDERSTAND HE WAS JUST OVERFLOWING WITH FEAR AND WANTED SOME OUTSIDE STUFF TO MAKE HIM FEEL BETTER AND SAFER. WHEN I EXPLAINED TO ME THAT THERE IS NO STUFF RIGHT AT THIS/THAT MOMENT AND WE’RE HAVING A LITTLE NON-ATTACHMENT TIME RIGHT NOW, THE LITTLE ME WENT ALL KOO-KOO BIRD ON ME AND TRIED TO CONVINCE ME TO JUMP IN FRONT OF THE NEXT BUS THAT CAME BY OR TO JUST GO HOME AND SHOOT AND/OR HANG MYSELF. WHEN I THEN EXPLAINED WE DON’T ACTUALLY HAVE A HOME TO GO TO RIGHT NOW, OH MY! DID THAT LITTLE GUY HAVE A HISSY FIT! AND WHEN I SAID WE MUST WALK VERY LIGHTLY RIGHT NOW HE SUGGESTED WE ALSO CARRY A LARGE STICK OR A STRAIGHT EDGE RAZOR OR 12 GAUGE SHOTGUN, I JUST PUT MY HANDS ON MY EARS AND MADE A LA, LA, LA, LA, LA, SING SONG UNTIL HE JUST GOT BORED AND FLEW OFF

OH DEAR ONES, I ASK FOR FORGIVENESS. I HAVE GONE ON AND ON WITHOUT ONCE MENTIONING YOU. YOU ARE KIND FOR LISTENING AND I THANK YOU. DROP A COIN IN YOUR SPIRITUAL BANK ACCOUNT FROM ME.

CHA, CHING!

YOU’RE WELCOME MY FRIEND.

ANYPOOP, WHAT I WANTED TO TALK ABOUT WAS THE FACT THAT I GOT A WILD HAIR UP MY BOTTOM HOLE AND GOT CREATIVE AND MADE A LITTLE VALENTINES DAY, DAY CARD FOR VALENTINES DAY, DAY.

NOW THAT WILD HAIR THAT WAS ALL UP IN MY BACKSIDE SEEMED TO BE CONNECTED TO A BEARD AND THAT BEARD SEEMED TO BE CONNECTED TO A FACE AND THAT FACE WAS?

YOU GOT IT!

ABRAHAM LINCOLN. I KNOWS, CRAZY HUH?

AND IT WAS JUST HIS BIRTHDAY YESTERDAY!

COINCIDENCE?

I THINK NOT.

AND WHEN I WAS THINK'N LINCOLN, I THUNK THIS:
I WISH I HAD A TIME MACHINE TO GO BACK IN TIME AND GIVE MISTER LINCOLN A FIRM HANDSHAKE AND SAY:
"THANK YOU FOR FREEING THE SLAVES AND THANK YOU FOR INVENTING THE LINCOLN LOG TOY SET THAT GAVE ME SO MUCH JOY IN MY YOUTH"

SOME OTHER THOUGHTS I HAD WERE:
I DO NOT BELIEVE HE DRANK TURPENTINE LIKE THAT SONG GOES.

I DO BELIEVE HE WRESTLED A BEAR LIKE THEY SAY BUT FROM WHAT WHISPERS I HAVE HEARD THE SO CALLED BEAR JUST MIGHT OF BEEN A VERY HAIRY MOUNTAIN MAN AND THE WRESTLING MIGHT HAVE BEEN SOME TYPE OF NAKED GREEK STYLE, IF YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN. (WINK.)

HE ALSO SAID:
"A MAN IS AS HAPPY AS HE MAKES UP HIS MIND TO BE"

AND THAT HOLDS TRUE ON THIS VALENTINES DAY.

DANG NAB IT!

I FORGOT ABOUT THE WHOLE VALENTINE DAY THING-A-MA-BOB.

THAT’S WHAT I WANTED TO BLOG -A-LOG ABOUT.

WELL, EVEN THOUGHT I AM NOT “PLAYING WITH A QUEEN OF HEARTS"
AT THE MOMENT, I STILL HAVE LOVE AND I SEND THAT LOVE OUT TO YOU DEAR FRIENDS.

WISHING YOU ALL THE BEST.

I HEART YOU

AND I ENJOY OUR PRECIOUS MOMENTS TOGETHER, CAUSE WITHOUT YOU/ME THERE WOULD BE NO WORDS ON THIS SCREEN AND THAT MAKES MY HEART FLAME A LITTLE BRIGHTER.

FLAME ON PEOPLE!
YOUR CLAM

Posted by clamlynch at 9:29 PM

February 6, 2008

FREE TO BE ME IN ME.

I HAVE JUST RETURNED FROM MY RETREAT IN THE DEEP WOODS OF MAINE AND FRIENDS, LET ME TELL YOU, IT WAS JUST WONDERFULLY WONDERFUL!

FUNNY, WHAT STARTED OUT AS A FANCY RETREAT WHERE I WAS SUPPOSED TO MEET OTHERS PROFESSIONALS WHO WERE IN MY LINE OF WORK (HELPING PEOPLE) DID NOT WORK OUT EXACTLY AS I PLANED.

A. I COULD NOT FIND THE PLACE, ALTHOUGH THE ADDRESS AND LOCATION WHERE THE SAME AS THE MAP, I FIGURED THERE MUST HAVE BEEN A TYPO AND I ENDED UP TREKKING THROUGH THE WOODS FOR DAYS WITHOUT SEEING A SOUL.

AND

2. IT WAS A NON REFUNDABLE REGISTRATION FEE, WHICH EMPTIED ALL OF MY "RAINY DAY PENNY CANS" AND ALSO INCLUDED PAWNING TWO REALLY NICE ROBOTS FROM MY ROBOT COLLECTION. OH AND BY THE BY, THAT PAWNSHOP FELLOW HAD ABSOLUTELY NO RESPECT FOR ROBOTS AND I WAS MAD AS MUSTARD TO ONLY GET 15 DOLLARS EACH FOR THOSE SPECIAL GUYS. BELIEVE YOU ME THOSE TWO GUYS ARE GETTING BAILED OUT OF THAT JAIL AS SOON AS I GET MY, HELPING PEOPLE MONEY CHECKS.

SO ANYWAYS, THERE I WAS LOST IN THE WOODS WITH ONLY MY WITS A PACK OF SMOKES AND A SMALL BAG OF TRAIL MIX, WHICH I ATE ALL THE M&M'S OUT OF AND GAVE THE REST TO THE SQUIRRELS, WHO SEEMED TO BE FOLLOWING ME. NEEDLESS TO SAY AFTER A FEW DAYS OF NOT EATING I STARTED SEEING AND HEARING THINGS THAT I REALIZE NOW WERE MOST LIKELY NOT THERE. I WAS CONVINCED THE SQUIRRELS WANTED MY SUIT AND ALL MY UNDER THINGS, SO I GAVE THEM WHAT THEY WANTED HOPING THEY WOULD STOP HARASSING ME AND GO AWAY.

BUT A STRANGE THING HAPPENED AFTER THAT. AS I CONTINUED MY SEARCH FOR CIVILIZATION I REALIZED I FELT FREER AND LIGHTER THEN I HAD EVER FELT AND I THOUGHT TO MYSELF THIS IS WHAT THEY MEAN BY "LETTING GO".
MY BURDENS/CLOTHS WERE GONE AND MY LOAD WAS TRULY LIGHT.

FREEDOM.

AS I CLIMBED TO THE TOP OF A MOUNTAIN/HILL AND FINALLY REACHED THE PEAK, I LOOKED OUT OVER THE VASTNESS AND SAID OUT LOUD, " NOW I CAN SEE WHAT WAS BLOCKED FOR SO LONG ,THE BIGNESS OF LIFE, THE WONDER, THE ABUNDANCE, THE MIRACLE OF NATURES NATURALNESS. YES!! I AM PART OF THIS!!!"

I ALSO SCREAMED "I AM STARVING!!!"

LATER THAT DAY I HEARD SOME VOICES IN THE DISTANCE AND NOT KNOWING IF IT WAS THE SQUIRRELS COMING BACK TO TAUNT ME, I GOT DOWN ON ALL FOURS AND BEGAN TO CRAWL TOWARD THE SOUND. IT WAS NOT UNLIKE A PANTHER, A HUNGRY NAKED PANTHER WITH GLASSES HAVING NICOTINE AND ANTI-DEPRESSANT WITHDRAWALS.

I CAME UPON SOME YOUNG COLLEGE KIDS WHO WERE JUST STARTING TO LAY OUT ALL THE FIXINS TO MAKE SMORES OVER THE SMALL CAMPFIRE THEY WERE BUILDING. LOOKING AT THE FOOD SENT ME INTO A CRAZED ANIMAL STATE IN WHICH I SOON FOUND MYSELF POUNCING OUT OF THE WOODS, AND ATTACKING THE CHOCOLATE BARS THAT WHERE LINED UP ON A LOG. I BEGAN SHOVING THEM INTO MY MOUTH AS FAST AS I COULD AND SOON I WAS COVERED IN CHOCOLATE, MY FACE MY HANDS DRIPPING WITH THE SWEET NURTURING GOODNESS. IT WAS LIKE HEAVEN AND I COULD NOT CONTROL THE CRACKLING ROAR THAT JUST CAME OUT OF ME IN THE ECSTASY OF IT ALL.

THEN ONE OF THE CAMPERS YELLED AT ME AS THE REST HAD ALL STEPPED BEHIND HIM IN FEAR.

"DUDE!! WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU? WHERE ARE YOUR CLOTHES?
ARE YOU ON CRACK OR SOMETHING?"

I SLOWLY WALKED UP TO THE YOUNG MAN AND FIGHTING BACK MY LAUGHTER SAID TO HIM, "YES YOUNG MAN I AM ON CRACK"

THE KIDS LOOKED CONFUSED AND I COULD NOT HOLD BACK MY LAUGHTER AS I SPUN AROUND AND BENT OVER AND YELLED:

"BUTT CRACK!!!"

I SCREAMED WITH LAUGHTER AS I FLED BACK INTO THE WOODS. I RAN AND CRIED AND LAUGHED UNTIL I COULD NOT GO ANOTHER STEP (ABOUT 300 FEET) AND FELL TO THE GROUND IN TOTAL EXHAUSTION.

I SAT THERE AND LICKED MY FINGERS AND GIGGLED TO MYSELF FOR ABOUT AN HOUR, THEN I HAD A MAJOR SUGAR CRASH AND JUST PASSED OUT. WHEN I AWOKE THERE BEFORE ME WAS A GIANT SQUIRREL WEARING MY SUIT BUT AS MY EYESIGHT FOCUSED I COULD SEE THROUGH MY CHOCOLATE SMEARED GLASSES THAT IT WAS ACTUALLY A SQUIRREL DRESSED AS A FOREST RANGER WHICH ULTIMATELY TURNED OUT TO BE A LARGE FOREST RANGER MAN WHO SEEMED VERY DISAPPROVING AND ANGRY WITH ME.

I REMEMBERED THINKING WHAT IS GOING ON IN THIS MAN’S LIFE OR IN HIS PAST THAT HE CANT LET GO OF? WHAT KIND OF PAIN WOULD MAKE HIM SO ANGRY AND UNHAPPY, WHAT IS BLOCKING HIM FROM HIS HAPPINESS?

I FELL ASLEEP AGAIN AND LATER WOKE UP IN A COMFY LITTLE BED IN A SMALL QUIET ROOM . ALTHOUGH THERE WERE NO WINDOWS AND VERY LITTLE FURNITURE, THE DESIGN WAS NICE. A CLASSIC BOX SHAPED ROOM WITH SIMPLE MINIMAL LINES, PAINTED IN A SOOTHING SEA FOAM BLUISH GREEN AND TWO SMALL WHITE CHAIRS IN THE CORNER.

I THOUGHT OF MY OWN HOME AND ALL THE CLUTTER AND RIGHT THEN I DECIDED WHEN I GET BACK TO HOLLYWOOD I WAS GOING TO REDO MY APARTMENT. I HAD THE REALIZATION THAT A CLUTTERED HOME MAKES FOR A CLUTTERED MIND AND WHAT I NEEDED WAS A PEACEFUL SIMPLE DWELLING NOT UNLIKE THIS ROOM.

AS I WAS MAKING A CHECKLIST OF WHAT I WAS GOING TO GET RID OF AND WHAT I WAS GOING TO KEEP, A MAN CAME INTO THE ROOM AND BEGAN ASKING ME A SERIES OF QUESTIONS AND EVENTUALLY FRIENDS AND FAMILY WERE CALLED AND I WAS RELEASED.

I WAS GIVEN BUS FARE, WHICH I THOUGHT WAS VERY KIND OF THEM, AND ASKED NOT TO RETURN TO THAT AREA IN THE FUTURE, TO WHICH I EXPLAINED, I HAD RECEIVED EVERYTHING I WAS LOOKING FOR AND HAD NO REASON TO RETURN. I THANKED THEM AND HUGGED THEM AND ALSO BOWED TO THEM IN GRATITUDE BEFORE BOARDING THE BUS.

THE LONG BUS RIDE HOME (1 WEEK) GAVE ME TIME TO REFLECT ON MY JOURNEY/PILGRIMAGE. MY CONCLUSION WAS THAT EVEN THOUGH I MISSED THE RETREAT AND LOST MY REGISTRATION FEE, IT WAS MEANT TO BE.

LIFE HAD OTHER PLANS FOR ME AND PROBABLY DIDN’T WANT ME TO BE INFLUENCED BY OTHER SELF-HELPERS AND THEIR SELF-SERVING TECHNIQUES AND PROGRAMS.

LIFE WANTED ME TO TAKE MY OWN PATH, TO FOLLOW MY HEART AND HELP PEOPLE IN A WAY THAT ONLY I COULD DO, THROUGH THE EXPERIENCE AND WISDOM OF WHAT NOT TO DO AND TURNING THAT AROUND AND SHOWING OTHERS IT CAN BE DONE.
SO I AM WORKING ON MANY NEW INSIGHTS AND REVELATIONS AND PUTTING THEM INTO A NEW AND IMPROVED HELPFUL PROGRAM FOR YOU DEAR FRIENDS.

I HAVE BEEN TO THE MOUNTAIN TOP.
I HAVE HUNGERED FOR KNOWLEDGE (AND FOOD)
I HAVE KNOWN WHAT IT IS LIKE TO HAVE NOTHING.
I WAS LOST AND I WAS FOUND.

AND I AM BETTER FOR IT.

THANK YOU LIFE.
GRATEFULLY YOURS,
CLAM

Posted by clamlynch at 1:00 PM