Clam Lynch - Cut the Crap

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February 13, 2008

TURN ON YOUR HEART LIGHT.

GOOD DAY/NIGHT FOLKS.

YOU MAY BE GETTING UP.

YOU MAY BE GOING DOWN?

MAYBE IT WOULD BE WISE FOR YOU TO STAY DOWN/ASLEEP FOR 1 OR 2 MORE HOURS OR PERHAPS 8 0R 12?

MAYBE YOU HAVE BEEN IN BED FOR TO MANY HOURS/DAYS?

I DONT KNOW WHAT YOU HAVE BEEN UP TO.

I AM NOT YOU.

I DO KNOW WHAT I HAVE BEEN UP TO.

I HAVE BEEN UP TO GOOD.

AND ALTHOUGH THE BAD/SMALL ME TRIED TO KILL ME EARLIER IN THE WEEK I FORGIVE ME FOR THAT. I UNDERSTAND HE WAS JUST OVERFLOWING WITH FEAR AND WANTED SOME OUTSIDE STUFF TO MAKE HIM FEEL BETTER AND SAFER. WHEN I EXPLAINED TO ME THAT THERE IS NO STUFF RIGHT AT THIS/THAT MOMENT AND WE’RE HAVING A LITTLE NON-ATTACHMENT TIME RIGHT NOW, THE LITTLE ME WENT ALL KOO-KOO BIRD ON ME AND TRIED TO CONVINCE ME TO JUMP IN FRONT OF THE NEXT BUS THAT CAME BY OR TO JUST GO HOME AND SHOOT AND/OR HANG MYSELF. WHEN I THEN EXPLAINED WE DON’T ACTUALLY HAVE A HOME TO GO TO RIGHT NOW, OH MY! DID THAT LITTLE GUY HAVE A HISSY FIT! AND WHEN I SAID WE MUST WALK VERY LIGHTLY RIGHT NOW HE SUGGESTED WE ALSO CARRY A LARGE STICK OR A STRAIGHT EDGE RAZOR OR 12 GAUGE SHOTGUN, I JUST PUT MY HANDS ON MY EARS AND MADE A LA, LA, LA, LA, LA, SING SONG UNTIL HE JUST GOT BORED AND FLEW OFF

OH DEAR ONES, I ASK FOR FORGIVENESS. I HAVE GONE ON AND ON WITHOUT ONCE MENTIONING YOU. YOU ARE KIND FOR LISTENING AND I THANK YOU. DROP A COIN IN YOUR SPIRITUAL BANK ACCOUNT FROM ME.

CHA, CHING!

YOU’RE WELCOME MY FRIEND.

ANYPOOP, WHAT I WANTED TO TALK ABOUT WAS THE FACT THAT I GOT A WILD HAIR UP MY BOTTOM HOLE AND GOT CREATIVE AND MADE A LITTLE VALENTINES DAY, DAY CARD FOR VALENTINES DAY, DAY.

NOW THAT WILD HAIR THAT WAS ALL UP IN MY BACKSIDE SEEMED TO BE CONNECTED TO A BEARD AND THAT BEARD SEEMED TO BE CONNECTED TO A FACE AND THAT FACE WAS?

YOU GOT IT!

ABRAHAM LINCOLN. I KNOWS, CRAZY HUH?

AND IT WAS JUST HIS BIRTHDAY YESTERDAY!

COINCIDENCE?

I THINK NOT.

AND WHEN I WAS THINK'N LINCOLN, I THUNK THIS:
I WISH I HAD A TIME MACHINE TO GO BACK IN TIME AND GIVE MISTER LINCOLN A FIRM HANDSHAKE AND SAY:
"THANK YOU FOR FREEING THE SLAVES AND THANK YOU FOR INVENTING THE LINCOLN LOG TOY SET THAT GAVE ME SO MUCH JOY IN MY YOUTH"

SOME OTHER THOUGHTS I HAD WERE:
I DO NOT BELIEVE HE DRANK TURPENTINE LIKE THAT SONG GOES.

I DO BELIEVE HE WRESTLED A BEAR LIKE THEY SAY BUT FROM WHAT WHISPERS I HAVE HEARD THE SO CALLED BEAR JUST MIGHT OF BEEN A VERY HAIRY MOUNTAIN MAN AND THE WRESTLING MIGHT HAVE BEEN SOME TYPE OF NAKED GREEK STYLE, IF YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN. (WINK.)

HE ALSO SAID:
"A MAN IS AS HAPPY AS HE MAKES UP HIS MIND TO BE"

AND THAT HOLDS TRUE ON THIS VALENTINES DAY.

DANG NAB IT!

I FORGOT ABOUT THE WHOLE VALENTINE DAY THING-A-MA-BOB.

THAT’S WHAT I WANTED TO BLOG -A-LOG ABOUT.

WELL, EVEN THOUGHT I AM NOT “PLAYING WITH A QUEEN OF HEARTS"
AT THE MOMENT, I STILL HAVE LOVE AND I SEND THAT LOVE OUT TO YOU DEAR FRIENDS.

WISHING YOU ALL THE BEST.

I HEART YOU

AND I ENJOY OUR PRECIOUS MOMENTS TOGETHER, CAUSE WITHOUT YOU/ME THERE WOULD BE NO WORDS ON THIS SCREEN AND THAT MAKES MY HEART FLAME A LITTLE BRIGHTER.

FLAME ON PEOPLE!
YOUR CLAM

Posted by clamlynch at 9:29 PM