February 6, 2008

FREE TO BE ME IN ME.

I HAVE JUST RETURNED FROM MY RETREAT IN THE DEEP WOODS OF MAINE AND FRIENDS, LET ME TELL YOU, IT WAS JUST WONDERFULLY WONDERFUL!

FUNNY, WHAT STARTED OUT AS A FANCY RETREAT WHERE I WAS SUPPOSED TO MEET OTHERS PROFESSIONALS WHO WERE IN MY LINE OF WORK (HELPING PEOPLE) DID NOT WORK OUT EXACTLY AS I PLANED.

A. I COULD NOT FIND THE PLACE, ALTHOUGH THE ADDRESS AND LOCATION WHERE THE SAME AS THE MAP, I FIGURED THERE MUST HAVE BEEN A TYPO AND I ENDED UP TREKKING THROUGH THE WOODS FOR DAYS WITHOUT SEEING A SOUL.

AND

2. IT WAS A NON REFUNDABLE REGISTRATION FEE, WHICH EMPTIED ALL OF MY "RAINY DAY PENNY CANS" AND ALSO INCLUDED PAWNING TWO REALLY NICE ROBOTS FROM MY ROBOT COLLECTION. OH AND BY THE BY, THAT PAWNSHOP FELLOW HAD ABSOLUTELY NO RESPECT FOR ROBOTS AND I WAS MAD AS MUSTARD TO ONLY GET 15 DOLLARS EACH FOR THOSE SPECIAL GUYS. BELIEVE YOU ME THOSE TWO GUYS ARE GETTING BAILED OUT OF THAT JAIL AS SOON AS I GET MY, HELPING PEOPLE MONEY CHECKS.

SO ANYWAYS, THERE I WAS LOST IN THE WOODS WITH ONLY MY WITS A PACK OF SMOKES AND A SMALL BAG OF TRAIL MIX, WHICH I ATE ALL THE M&M'S OUT OF AND GAVE THE REST TO THE SQUIRRELS, WHO SEEMED TO BE FOLLOWING ME. NEEDLESS TO SAY AFTER A FEW DAYS OF NOT EATING I STARTED SEEING AND HEARING THINGS THAT I REALIZE NOW WERE MOST LIKELY NOT THERE. I WAS CONVINCED THE SQUIRRELS WANTED MY SUIT AND ALL MY UNDER THINGS, SO I GAVE THEM WHAT THEY WANTED HOPING THEY WOULD STOP HARASSING ME AND GO AWAY.

BUT A STRANGE THING HAPPENED AFTER THAT. AS I CONTINUED MY SEARCH FOR CIVILIZATION I REALIZED I FELT FREER AND LIGHTER THEN I HAD EVER FELT AND I THOUGHT TO MYSELF THIS IS WHAT THEY MEAN BY "LETTING GO".
MY BURDENS/CLOTHS WERE GONE AND MY LOAD WAS TRULY LIGHT.

FREEDOM.

AS I CLIMBED TO THE TOP OF A MOUNTAIN/HILL AND FINALLY REACHED THE PEAK, I LOOKED OUT OVER THE VASTNESS AND SAID OUT LOUD, " NOW I CAN SEE WHAT WAS BLOCKED FOR SO LONG ,THE BIGNESS OF LIFE, THE WONDER, THE ABUNDANCE, THE MIRACLE OF NATURES NATURALNESS. YES!! I AM PART OF THIS!!!"

I ALSO SCREAMED "I AM STARVING!!!"

LATER THAT DAY I HEARD SOME VOICES IN THE DISTANCE AND NOT KNOWING IF IT WAS THE SQUIRRELS COMING BACK TO TAUNT ME, I GOT DOWN ON ALL FOURS AND BEGAN TO CRAWL TOWARD THE SOUND. IT WAS NOT UNLIKE A PANTHER, A HUNGRY NAKED PANTHER WITH GLASSES HAVING NICOTINE AND ANTI-DEPRESSANT WITHDRAWALS.

I CAME UPON SOME YOUNG COLLEGE KIDS WHO WERE JUST STARTING TO LAY OUT ALL THE FIXINS TO MAKE SMORES OVER THE SMALL CAMPFIRE THEY WERE BUILDING. LOOKING AT THE FOOD SENT ME INTO A CRAZED ANIMAL STATE IN WHICH I SOON FOUND MYSELF POUNCING OUT OF THE WOODS, AND ATTACKING THE CHOCOLATE BARS THAT WHERE LINED UP ON A LOG. I BEGAN SHOVING THEM INTO MY MOUTH AS FAST AS I COULD AND SOON I WAS COVERED IN CHOCOLATE, MY FACE MY HANDS DRIPPING WITH THE SWEET NURTURING GOODNESS. IT WAS LIKE HEAVEN AND I COULD NOT CONTROL THE CRACKLING ROAR THAT JUST CAME OUT OF ME IN THE ECSTASY OF IT ALL.

THEN ONE OF THE CAMPERS YELLED AT ME AS THE REST HAD ALL STEPPED BEHIND HIM IN FEAR.

"DUDE!! WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU? WHERE ARE YOUR CLOTHES?
ARE YOU ON CRACK OR SOMETHING?"

I SLOWLY WALKED UP TO THE YOUNG MAN AND FIGHTING BACK MY LAUGHTER SAID TO HIM, "YES YOUNG MAN I AM ON CRACK"

THE KIDS LOOKED CONFUSED AND I COULD NOT HOLD BACK MY LAUGHTER AS I SPUN AROUND AND BENT OVER AND YELLED:

"BUTT CRACK!!!"

I SCREAMED WITH LAUGHTER AS I FLED BACK INTO THE WOODS. I RAN AND CRIED AND LAUGHED UNTIL I COULD NOT GO ANOTHER STEP (ABOUT 300 FEET) AND FELL TO THE GROUND IN TOTAL EXHAUSTION.

I SAT THERE AND LICKED MY FINGERS AND GIGGLED TO MYSELF FOR ABOUT AN HOUR, THEN I HAD A MAJOR SUGAR CRASH AND JUST PASSED OUT. WHEN I AWOKE THERE BEFORE ME WAS A GIANT SQUIRREL WEARING MY SUIT BUT AS MY EYESIGHT FOCUSED I COULD SEE THROUGH MY CHOCOLATE SMEARED GLASSES THAT IT WAS ACTUALLY A SQUIRREL DRESSED AS A FOREST RANGER WHICH ULTIMATELY TURNED OUT TO BE A LARGE FOREST RANGER MAN WHO SEEMED VERY DISAPPROVING AND ANGRY WITH ME.

I REMEMBERED THINKING WHAT IS GOING ON IN THIS MAN’S LIFE OR IN HIS PAST THAT HE CANT LET GO OF? WHAT KIND OF PAIN WOULD MAKE HIM SO ANGRY AND UNHAPPY, WHAT IS BLOCKING HIM FROM HIS HAPPINESS?

I FELL ASLEEP AGAIN AND LATER WOKE UP IN A COMFY LITTLE BED IN A SMALL QUIET ROOM . ALTHOUGH THERE WERE NO WINDOWS AND VERY LITTLE FURNITURE, THE DESIGN WAS NICE. A CLASSIC BOX SHAPED ROOM WITH SIMPLE MINIMAL LINES, PAINTED IN A SOOTHING SEA FOAM BLUISH GREEN AND TWO SMALL WHITE CHAIRS IN THE CORNER.

I THOUGHT OF MY OWN HOME AND ALL THE CLUTTER AND RIGHT THEN I DECIDED WHEN I GET BACK TO HOLLYWOOD I WAS GOING TO REDO MY APARTMENT. I HAD THE REALIZATION THAT A CLUTTERED HOME MAKES FOR A CLUTTERED MIND AND WHAT I NEEDED WAS A PEACEFUL SIMPLE DWELLING NOT UNLIKE THIS ROOM.

AS I WAS MAKING A CHECKLIST OF WHAT I WAS GOING TO GET RID OF AND WHAT I WAS GOING TO KEEP, A MAN CAME INTO THE ROOM AND BEGAN ASKING ME A SERIES OF QUESTIONS AND EVENTUALLY FRIENDS AND FAMILY WERE CALLED AND I WAS RELEASED.

I WAS GIVEN BUS FARE, WHICH I THOUGHT WAS VERY KIND OF THEM, AND ASKED NOT TO RETURN TO THAT AREA IN THE FUTURE, TO WHICH I EXPLAINED, I HAD RECEIVED EVERYTHING I WAS LOOKING FOR AND HAD NO REASON TO RETURN. I THANKED THEM AND HUGGED THEM AND ALSO BOWED TO THEM IN GRATITUDE BEFORE BOARDING THE BUS.

THE LONG BUS RIDE HOME (1 WEEK) GAVE ME TIME TO REFLECT ON MY JOURNEY/PILGRIMAGE. MY CONCLUSION WAS THAT EVEN THOUGH I MISSED THE RETREAT AND LOST MY REGISTRATION FEE, IT WAS MEANT TO BE.

LIFE HAD OTHER PLANS FOR ME AND PROBABLY DIDN’T WANT ME TO BE INFLUENCED BY OTHER SELF-HELPERS AND THEIR SELF-SERVING TECHNIQUES AND PROGRAMS.

LIFE WANTED ME TO TAKE MY OWN PATH, TO FOLLOW MY HEART AND HELP PEOPLE IN A WAY THAT ONLY I COULD DO, THROUGH THE EXPERIENCE AND WISDOM OF WHAT NOT TO DO AND TURNING THAT AROUND AND SHOWING OTHERS IT CAN BE DONE.
SO I AM WORKING ON MANY NEW INSIGHTS AND REVELATIONS AND PUTTING THEM INTO A NEW AND IMPROVED HELPFUL PROGRAM FOR YOU DEAR FRIENDS.

I HAVE BEEN TO THE MOUNTAIN TOP.
I HAVE HUNGERED FOR KNOWLEDGE (AND FOOD)
I HAVE KNOWN WHAT IT IS LIKE TO HAVE NOTHING.
I WAS LOST AND I WAS FOUND.

AND I AM BETTER FOR IT.

THANK YOU LIFE.
GRATEFULLY YOURS,
CLAM

Posted by clamlynch at 1:00 PM