Clam Lynch - Cut the Crap

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February 23, 2008

I AM SPREADING WORDS AND THOUGHTS AND STUFF

I AM really spreading some nice WORDS and THOUGHTS and VIBRATIONS all over the place AND LET ME TELL YOU, IT IS FUN! I feel GOOD!

I AM lying on the floor and I am covered with WORDS . I WROTE WORDS ALL OVER MY BODY AND ALTHOUGH I PROBABLY SHOULD NOT HAVE USED PERMANENT MARKER (ESPECIALLY ON MY FACE AND PRIVATE PLACES) IT STILL FEELS FREEING.

COME TO THINK OF IT I AM GOING TO HAVE TO WRAP BANDAGES ALL AROUND MY FACE AND HANDS BEFORE I GO TO WORK TOMORROW AND PICK UP MY CHILD IN THE AFTERNOON. I AM GOING TO LOOK LIKE THAT GUY IN THE INVISIBLE MAN MOVIE.

WHAT IF SOMEONE ASKS ME WHAT HAPPENED? WHICH I AM THINKING JUST MIGHT HAPPEN.

I’M NOT INTO LYING CAUSE IT ALWAYS SEEM TO COME BACK TO YOU BY EITHER GETTING CAUGHT OR ATTRACTING OTHER LIARS, WHICH THEN ATTRACTS OTHER LIARS. NEXT THING YOU KNOW, YOU’RE SURROUNDED BY ONE BIG PACK OF LIARS AND YOU CAN’T GET A STRAIGHT ANSWER OTTA ANYONE.

FIBBERS ARE OK SOMETIMES, AT LEAST THEY’RE FUNNY AND EVENTUALLY TELL THE TRUTH OR A LITTLE WHITE LYING TO NOT HURT SOMEONE’S FEELINGS ISN'T TOO BAD. I WOULD RATHER HANG OUT WITH A GOOD NATURED FIBBER OR A KINDHEARTED WHITE LIAR PERSON THEN A BRUTALLY HONEST PERSON ANY DAY. BRUTALLY HONEST PEOPLE CAN BE SO THOUGHTLESS AND COLD....OK, I AM GETTING WAY OFF TRACK HERE.

BUT HEY, IF YOU DON’T LIKE IT, TOUGH TITTY!!
KIDDING!

ANYWAY, WHAT IF SOMEONE ASKS ME ABOUT THE BANDAGES? WHAT IF THEY SAY:
"OH MY GOODNESS MR. LYNCH WHAT HAPPENED TO YOU? DID YOU GET BURNED OR SOMETHING?"

DO I RIP OFF MY BANDAGES AND REVEAL MY PERMANENT MARKERED FACE AND YELL A GLEEFULL:
"YES MS. GOODBODY, I WAS BURNED, BURNED BY THE FLAME OF THE SPIRIT AND THE DIVINE SPARKS OF LOVE AND JOY!!!!"

THAT JUST MIGHT GET ME IN TROUBLE OR IN THE HOSPITAL, LIKE LAST TIME, WHICH I DON’T WANT TO TALK ABOUT NOW.

WELL LET ME THINK.
HUM....
MAN, I REALLY WENT TO TOWN ON MYSELF. I ACTUALLY USED UP TWO WHOLE FAT SHARPIES, DANG!

LAST TIME I DID THIS, I ENDED UP SCRUBBING IT OFF FOR HOURS AND ALTHOUGH I WAS ABLE TO GET MOST OF IT OFF, I WAS ALL PINK AND HAD MANY SCABS IN SOME VERY OUCHY PLACES.

I AM LOOKING IN THE MIRROR NOW AND I SEE THE WORD YPPAH REALLY BIG ACROSS MY FOREHEAD AND FRIENDS, TO BE TOTALLY HONEST WITH YOU, I AM NOT FEELING AS YPPAH AS I DID WHEN I WROTE IT.

YOU KNOW WHAT WOULD BE A REALLY BAD IDEA? IF I COLORED THE REST OF MY FACE IN BLACK AND JUST WENT TO WORK. IT WOULD BE LIKE THAT WHITE GUY IN THE 30'S WHO PUT SHOE POLISH ON HIS FACE AND SANG THAT SONG ABOUT HIS MOTHER AND COTTON AND MISSISSIPPI.

OH MAN!! THAT WOULD BE A REALLY, REALLY, BAD IDEA. I AM SO GLAD I AM NOT GOING TO DO THAT.

WELL I GUESS I COULD CALL IN SICK. I COULD JUST TELL MY KID IT WAS MARKER ALL OVER YOUR FACE DAY AT WORK.

OH, I DON’T KNOW. I THINK I WILL JUST CALL THE SHARPIE COMPANY AND TELL THEM WHAT I DID AND WHY I DID IT (IF THEY’RE INTERESTED) AND SEE WHAT THEY SAY.

WELL FRIENDS I SHOULD GO NOW AND TRY TO FIGURE THIS OUT.

I WILL KEEP YOU POSTED ON HOW THINGS PAN OUT.

KNOWING THAT MY MISTAKE MIGHT HELP YOU/ME TO MAYBE THINK THINGS THROUGH A LITTLE BETTER IS A GOOD FEELING.

SEE, NOW I’M FELLING YPPAH AGAIN.

THANK YOU DEAR READER.

LOVE,
MALC

Posted by clamlynch at 1:55 PM