February 10, 2009

LOG ON TO LIFE.

FRIENDS, I KNOW WE ALL WANT TO LOG ON TO LIFE.
WE ALL WANT TO BE CONNECTED.
TO BE ON-LINE WITH THE WORLD.

BUT THE PROBLEM/OPPORTUNITY SEEMS TO BE FINDING THE RIGHT PASSWORD AND THEN REMEMBERING SAID PASSWORD.

WELL MY VIRTUAL FRIENDS,
LET ME DOWNLOAD SOME INFO TO YOU, WHICH MIGHT BE HELPFUL... OR NOT.

WHEN COMING UP WITH A PASSWORD, FIND ONE THAT MAKES YOU FEEL GOOD, THAT SPEAKS TO YOU, TO YOUR TRUTH, ONE THAT FEELS RIGHT TO YOU.

BECAUSE NO ONE CAN COME UP WITH A PASSWORD FOR YOU EXCEPT YOU.

YOU CAN READ AND STUDY ALL ABOUT PASSWORDS. YOU CAN FOLLOW PEOPLE AND SO CALLED PASSWORD GURUS AND TEACHERS WHO SAY THEY KNOW THE PASSWORD AND IF YOU WANT IT, YOU MUST DO AND ACT IN THE WAY THEY TELL YOU TO AND READ AND SAY AND BELIEVE WHAT THEY BELIEVE, SIGN UP FOR SOME OF THEIR CLASSES, ATTEND THEIR EXPENSIVE RETREATS AND ALSO GIVE THEM SOME OF YOUR HARD EARNED CASH. THEN AND ONLY THEN, JUST MAYBE, IF YOU’RE REALLY LUCKY, THEY’LL TELL YOU THE SECRET.

THE SECRET PASSWORD THAT WILL CHANGE EVERYTHING.

WELL BELIEVE IT OR NOT (YOUR CHOICE)
YOUR PASSWORD IS ALREADY INSIDE YOU.
YOU WERE BORN WITH IT.

YOUR PASSWORD IS AT HAND.

YOU JUST NEED TO BELIEVE IT.
GO INTO THE SECRET CLOSET OF YOUR MIND AND BE STILL AND LET IT COME.
IT WILL.

ASKING SOMEONE TO COME UP WITH A PASSWORD FOR YOU IS LIKE A FISH SWIMMING AROUND IN THE OCEAN LOOKING FOR WATER. ASKING EVERY OTHER FISH, IN A PANICKED FISH VOICE THAT WOULD PROBABLY SOUND VERY BUBBLY, "WHERE’S THE WATER! SOMEBODY HELP ME PLEASE! I MUST FIND WATER OR I WILL DIE!"

THE DIFFERENT FISH TELL HIM DIFFERENT THINGS AND PLACES TO GO TO FIND WATER AND SOMEONE TELLS HIM TO GO TALK TO THE WISE OL' FISH WHO HAS GREAT WISDOM AND INSIGHT AND THE WISE FISH SAYS, "IT IS SAID THAT MANY YEARS AGO THERE WAS WATER EVERYWHERE BUT THE FISH WERE BAD AND THE WATER WAS TAKEN AWAY, BUT IF YOU'RE A GOOD FISH AND DO GOOD FISH THINGS YOU WILL HAVE A LIFE FILLED WITH WATER, WHEN YOU DIE.”

SORRY CHARLIE.

POOR LITTLE FISH, UNABLE TO SEE HE IS SURROUNDED BY WATER, IT IS HERE IT IS NOW, IT IS UPON HIM.

I DON’T THINK A DOLPHIN WOULD ACT THAT WAY.
DOLPHINS ARE WAY TO SMART.
THEY’RE OPEN MINED AND FRIENDLY AND COOL AND SEXY....

ANYWAYS DEAR ONES,
ALL I AM SAYING IS FIND YOUR OWN PASSWORD PATH.

HERE’S A TIP, ONCE YOU FIND IT, DO NOT WRITE IT ON YOUR ARM, BECAUSE IF YOU'RE ANYTHING LIKE ME AND IT’S TIME FOR YOUR BI-MONTHLY SHOWER (WITH SOAP AND SHAMPOO) YOU ARE GOING TO BE IN FOR A SHOCK TO FIND YOUR PASSWORD HAS DISAPPEARED.

WRITE IT ON A PIECE OF PAPER AND THEN HIDE IT IN A SAFE PLACE.
THEN WRITE DOWN WHERE YOU HID IT AND HIDE THAT, JUST IN CASE.
THEN MAKE UP A LITTLE SONG ABOUT YOUR PASSWORD. MAYBE THE SONG SHOULD INCLUDE WHERE YOU HID THE PAPER YOU WROTE IT ON?

FEEL FREE TO PASS THESE WORDS ON... OR NOT.

LOVE,
USERNAME CLAMLYNCH
PASSWORD ******************

Posted by clamlynch at 11:22 AM

February 5, 2009

DO NOT BLOW IT.

THIS BUBBLE MAN T SHIRTS, FOR ONLY $I5 JUST MIGHT ATTRACT MONEY TO YOU...might.
THERES PLENTY MORE PRODUCTS THAT JUST MIGHT "SIMULATE YOUR PACKAGE" AT:
http://www.clamatees.com/

Posted by clamlynch at 8:49 AM

February 1, 2009

THERE'S SOMEONE AT THE DOOR, And they're looking for YOU.

YOU Hear the knocking.

SO WHY ARE YOU JUST STANDING THERE—SWEATING, HEART RACING, WITH YOUR BACK AGAINST YOUR DOOR?

MUMBLING TO YOURSELF.

HOPING WHOEVER IS OUT THERE WILL just GO AWAY.

PRAYING TO GOD THEY DON'T USE SOME KIND OF CRAZY MEDIEVAL BATTERING RAM TO BUST DOWN THE DOOR AND GRAB YOU AND STRIP YOU NAKED AND POINT AT YOU, AND LAUGH AT YOU, AND MAKE YOU WEAR A DUMB HAT AND DANCE FOR THEM AND THEN TAKE YOU TO A BUSY INTERSECTION AND KICK YOU ONTO THE STREET NAKED (except for the HAT), AND TAKE PICTURES OF YOU AND SEND THEM TO YOUR MOTHER.

And

THEY GO BACK TO YOUR HOUSE AND POOP ALL OVER THE YOUR STUFF.

WELL FOLKS,
I'VE GOT SOME NEWS FOR YOU.
THE KNOCKING IS NOT THEM.

THE KNOCKING IS YOU!

And unless you want to GET NAKED AND PUT ON A DUMB HAT AND GO DOWN TO A BUSY INTERSECTION And take SOME PICTURES OF YOURSELF TO SEND TO YOUR MOM THEN HEAD BACK TO YOUR PLACE TO POOP ON STUFF, As some kind of CREATIVE EXPRESSION (Which I TOTALLY SUPPORT),

YOU MAY AS WILL ANSWER THE DOOR.
IT 'S JUST YOU.
YOU JUST WANTS TO BE WITH YOU.

YOU MISSES YOU.
YOU IS LONELY.
YOU JUST WANTS TO PART OF YOUR LIFE.
IT'S THE REAL YOU.

THE HAPPY, SUCCESSFUL, LOVING, HEALTHY, PEACEFUL YOU.

LET YOURSELF IN.

YOU'RE GOING TO MEET YOU ONE WAY OR ANOTHER.

DON'T MAKE YOU BRING OUT THE MEDIEVAL BATTERING RAM.

OPEN THE DOOR.
YOU IS YOU!
WHAT YOUR LOOKING FOR YOU'RE LOOKING WITH.
I AM, CLAM.

Posted by clamlynch at 6:48 PM

I AM GLAD I AM NOT A TOILET.

FOLKS, the other day, while I was leading a CUT THE CRAP JR. (for kids) seminar at a local playground, one of the children said something to me that has forever changed my life.

He asked me:

"YOU KNOW WHAT THE WORST JOB IN THE WORLD WOULD BE?"

To which I replied:

"BEING YOUR PARENT?
OH...HEY NOW, I'M JUST KIDDING LITTLE JOHNNY. GO ON, PLEASE TELL ME—"WHAT WOULD BE THE WORST JOB IN THE WORLD?""

To which he replied:

"BEING A TOILET."

WOW! OUT OF THE MOUTHS OF BABES.

HOW TRUE, HOW REAL, HOW POWERFUL!

AND PEOPLE, IT REALLY PUTS THINGS IN PERSPECTIVE.

THINK ABOUT IT FOR A MINUTE—
WHAT WOULD THAT BE LIKE?
IF THAT WAS YOUR JOB: TO BE A TOILET.

MAN!

THE "NOT GOOD" POSSIBILITIES ARE ENDLESS.

GRATITUDE IS WHAT COMES TO MIND.
GRATITUDE AND COMPASSION FOR TOILETS.

LET'S BUILD FROM THERE.

YOUR JOB (MOST LIKELY) IS NOT BEING A TOILET.
AND ALTHOUGH I KNOW SOME OF YOU ARE SAYING YOUR JOB/LIFE HAS MANY
TOILET-LIKE QUALITIES,

THAT'S NOT WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT.

NO MATTER HOW YOU FEEL (METAPHORICALLY). YOU'RE NOT AN ACTUAL TOILET.

AND THANK GOD FOR THAT.

MAYBE THAT COULD BE A LITTLE AFFIRMATION FOR SOME OF YOU.

AT LEAST I'M NOT A TOILET.
AT LEAST I'M NOT A TOILET.
AT LEAST I'M NOT A TOILET.

I AM DEFINITELY NOT A TOILET.

I AM A HAPPY, HEALTHY, SUCCESSFUL, CARING, SHARING, ABUNDANT LOVING PERSON.

AND SO ARE YOU.

IF YOU WANT.

IT'S ALL IN YOUR MIND.

HEY ! THAT IS A GREAT NEW MEDITATION TOOL.

SEE IN YOUR MIND'S EYE A GIANT TOILET.

NOW SEE IT FILLING UP WITH ALL THOSE BAD THOUGHTS YOU HAVE ABOUT YOURSELF AND OTHERS.

NOW....FLUSH.

ALL GONE.

DON'T FORGET TO JIGGLE THE HANDLE.

THANK YOU LITTLE JOHNNY.
THANK YOU GOOD PEOPLE,
AND THANK LIFE!

BLESS YOU(S).
LOVE IN.
LOVE OUT.
LOVE ,CLAM

Posted by clamlynch at 10:25 AM