February 22, 2010

I NOW OFFICIALLY HAVE A REAL, IMAGINARY STOP SIGN IN MY MIND! Also a SMALL MATTRESS TO JUST RELAX ON.

FRIENDS ,
After many nights (and days) of confusion and bewilderment and
much pleading and beseeching to LIFE, it has finally arrived!

MY VERY OWN HONEST-TO-GOODNESS STOP SIGN!
PLANTED RIGHT IN THE MIDDLE OF MY MIND'S EYE.

AND FOLKS, IT'S A BEAUTY!
AND POWERFUL!
(Even that kooky little MONKEY MIND is IMPRESSED.)

'CAUSE IT'S TELLING ALL THOSE PEOPLE UP THERE TO STOP!
And it couldn't have come at a better time.
THERE WAS SO MUCH TRAFFIC AND CHAOS UP THERE I WAS AT MY WITS' END.

plus BONUS!

When they delivered the STOP SIGN, they also delivered a SMALL yet COMFORTABLE MATTRESS.
Complete with a nice soft pillow and a SUPER-SOFT BLANKIE.

NOW WHEN I STOP I CAN ALSO HAVE A NICE REST FROM MYSELF.

AND WHAT THIS MEANS FOR YOU, DEAR FRIENDS, IS THIS:

NOW THAT I CAN STOP MY MIND-TRAFFIC—
AND TAKE A MUCH NEEDED BREAK/NAP AWAY FROM MY LONG-SUFFERING LITTLE SELF—
I WILL HAVE WAY MORE TIME FOR YOU!

YEAH FOR YOU!
AND YEAH FOR ME.

I WANT YOU TO COME CHECK OUT MY STOP SIGN SOMETIME—AND MAYBE WE COULD HAVE A NAP ON MY MATTRESS or SOMETHING?

IT'S PRETTY SMALL, though.
PLUS I don't know how you're going to be able to actually ENTER MY MIND?

WELL...THERE I GO AGAIN! GOSH DARN IT!

LIKE HAVING MY VERY OWN MATTRESS (IN MY MIND ) ISN'T GOOD ENOUGH! LIKE IT'S TOO SMALL, IT NEEDS SHEETS, IT HAS WEIRD STAINS ON IT, IT'S NOT ACCESSIBLE TO FRIENDS or POSSIBLE LOVERS.

IT'S ALWAYS SOMETHING! IT'S NEVER GOOD ENOUGH, BLAH,BLAH,BLAH.

THANK GOD I'VE GOT MY STOP SIGN.
AND I AM GOING TO USE IT NOW!

STOP.

SEE FOLKS? IT WORKS!

I DONT EVEN REMEMBER WHAT I JUST SAID.

GOD BLESS.

Posted by clamlynch at 9:37 PM

KEEP IT MOVING BUSTER.

I LOVE.

PLAIN AND SIMPLE.

I HEART MANY THINGS.

THOUGH I MUST BE HONEST HERE DEAR READER, SOMETIMES WHEN I SEND MY LOVE VIBE OUT INTO THE WORLD IT JUST KIND OF RUNS AROUND IN MY HEAD, LOOKING FOR AN OPENING TO COME OUT OF UNTIL THE POOR LITTLE GUY JUST GIVES UP AND SHRUGS IT'S LITTLE SHOULDERS AND GOES BACK TO ITS ROOM AND PATIENTLY WAITS FOR ME TO CALL IT UP AGAIN.

FOLKS, THAT’S BECAUSE THAT NASTY OL' FEAR VIBE AND HIS GANG OF NAUGHTY FRIENDS ARE OFTEN BLOCKING ALL THE EXITS. TELLING THE LOVE VIBE, "WHERE THE HECK DO YOU THINK YOUR GOING. NOBODY WANTS YOU OUT THERE; THEY'LL JUST HURT YOU AND LAUGH AT YOU AND PUNCH YOU IN THE THROAT, AND MAKE US ALL LOOK WEAK AND POLLYANNAISH. WE’RE NOT LETTING ANY LOVE OUT UNTIL WE GET WHAT WE WANT AND WE NEED MORE MONEY, A CAR, A BETTER HOUSE, MORE ROMANCE, MORE SECURITY, MORE PAIN RELIEVER, AND SOME HEALTH INSURANCE. UNTIL WE GET THOSE THINGS, YOU’RE NOT GOING ANYWHERE MISTER! SO GO BACK TO YOUR ROOM WITH YOUR FUZZY LITTLE HAPPINESS AND JOY FRIENDS AND WE'LL TELL YOU GUYS WHEN YOU CAN COME OUT. NOW SCRAM!”

THAT’S WHEN I HAVE TO GO IN THERE (MY MIND) AND HAVE A SIT DOWN WITH THOSE LITTLE TROUBLE MAKERS. I START MY TALK BY THANKING THEM FOR TRYING TO PROTECT ME AND ALL THE HARD WORK THEY DO TO KEEP MY EGO SAFE AND STRONG. THEN I BLESS THEM (WHICH THEY HATE) AND I TELL THEM THEY HAVE DONE ME A GREAT SERVICE, BY CREATING SO MUCH PAIN AND SEPARATION FROM MY GOOD, FROM MY SOURCE, FROM MY TRUE NATURE. BY ATTRACTING MORE OF WHAT THEY ARE PUTTING OUT, THEY HAVE PUT ME IN A STATE OF ABSOLUTE SURRENDER.

THEN I WALK AWAY.

THIS REALLY FREAKS THEM OUT CAUSE THEY ARE TOTALLY INTO ATTENTION. THEY START YELLING AND CRYING AND TRYING TO SHOW ME THEIR LISTS AND CHARTS PLEADING THEIR CASE SAYING:

"LOOK AT THE PAST"

"LOOK AT THE STATE OF THE WORLD"

"LOOK AT THE DARK FUTURE"

"LOOK AT THESE BILLS"

"LOOK AT THE FACTS, THE LOGIC, THE TRUTH! COME ON, ADMIT IT! THIS IS A BAD LIFE!"

"LOOK AT THAT PILE OF DIRTY UNDERWEAR AND THEM DIRTY DISHES AND ALL THE STUFF WE’VE GOT TO GET DONE, FOR CRYING OUT LOUD!"

BUT I JUST KEEP WALKING.

THEY THEN JUST PACK UP THEIR SHIT AND MOPE AWAY YELLING OUT, "WELL WE'LL BE OVER THERE IN THE CORNER IF YOU NEED US".

BUT I DON’T REPLY.

INSTEAD I GO AND TELL LOVE AND HIS SWEET LITTLE FRIENDS THEY CAN COME OUT NOW, WHICH TAKES A LITTLE COAXING CAUSE THEIR USUALLY KINDA TRAUMATIZED.

BUT THEY FINALLY DO COME OUT AND GO OUTSIDE AND PARTY WITH THEIR FRIENDS AND BRING THEIR NEW FRIENDS BACK TO MY PLACE/MIND AND JUST HAVE A GOOD OL' TIME.

SOMETIMES I CAN HEAR MR. FEAR AND HIS FRIENDS GRUMBLING AND MAKING FUN OF THE HAPPY PARTY SAYING, “WAIT TILL THE EGO GETS BACK HERE, HE'LL KICK ALL THOSE FLUFFY FREAKS ASSES!!!”

BUT I JUST CLOSE MY EYES AND GO BACK TO THE PARTY AND THEN GO WASH SOME UNDERWEAR.

JOIN THE PARTY.

YOUR ON THE GUEST LIST.

V.I.P.

YOU, ME, US.

TRULY-OOLY,

CLAM

http://www.clamlynch.com/blog
click for more crap....or not.

Posted by clamlynch at 5:10 AM

February 20, 2010

The dog ate my plans for a SUCCESSFUL NEW LIFE !

Folks, I've heard them all.

"I COULD OF HAD THAT HIGH-POWERED C.E.O. JOB IF I HADN'T POOPED MY PANTS."

"IF I DIDN'T HAVE A BRAIN PROBLEM I COULD OF MARRIED RICH."

EXCUSES, EXCUSES, EXCUSES.
I call this EXCESSCUSES, which simply put means an EXCESS OF CUSES.

Get off it people—NO MORE CUSES!
It's like JAIL-HOUSE COFFEE or WEAK TEA, sure there is coffee or tea in there somewhere. But it's all watered down
with something (most likely, water).

All I AM saying is your life should be like a strong cup of coffee (perhaps turkish?)
or a cup of tea with two tea bags in it.

BE STRONG
BE FULL BODIED
BE STIMULATING

NO MORE CUSES.
LET US BE THE THE BEST ,US, WE CAN BE.

EVEN IF THAT'S NOT VERY GOOD,BE THE BEST, NOT VERY GOOD, YOU CAN BE!!
AND HEY,
DONT GIVE A , SWEET BIBBY IF FOLKS MAKE FUN OF YOU ,CAUSE YOU IS YOU AND THAT'S ALL THAT REALLY MATTERS.

YOU GO YOU!!

YOUR,ME,CLAM

Posted by clamlynch at 2:54 PM

MAKE SPACE FOR NEWNESS

FOLKS DID YOU KNOW THAT YOU CAN FEEL GOOD ANYTIME YOU WANT TO?

I CAN ALREADY HEAR YOU SAYING:

WELL, I CANT REALLY HEAR YOU, CAUSE MY COMPUTER IS NOT THAT FANCY. NOT LIKE THOSE NEW COMPUTERS THAT CAN SEE AND HEAR PEOPLE THAT ARE ONLINE.

I WONDER IF SOMEONE IS WATCHING ME RIGHT NOW?

IF YOU ARE, LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING; I AM WEARING THIS BIG HAT WITH FEATHERS IN IT BECAUSE IT WAS MY GRANDMOTHERS AND IT MAKES ME FEEL GOOD AND ARTISTIC AND CREATIVE AND SMILEY. AND YES, THIS FANCY ASCOT WAS ALSO HERS.

ANYWAY I DO NOT THINK YOU SHOULD BE SPYING ON PEOPLE. I AM NOW GOING TO COVER MY COMPUTER WITH A BLANKET SO THAT I CAN HAVE SOME PRIVACY.

OK, THAT DID NOT WORK BECAUSE I COULD NOT SEE WHAT I WAS TYPING.

OK THEN, YOU WIN, WATCH AWAY, I DO NOT CARE. I JUST THINK YOU SHOULD ASK FIRST. THAT’S JUST ME, AND I HAVE NO CONTROL OVER YOU. YET.

SO BACK TO FEELING GOD OR GOOD OR WHATEVER THE KIDS ARE CALLING IT THESE DAYS?

YES! YOU CAN DO IT!
AND I CAN IMAGINE YOU SAYING:

* CAN I FEEL GOOD IN THE MIDDLE OF THE TURBULENT SEA?
* IN THE DARKNESS OF THE SOIL?
* IN THE ALONENESS OF YOUR LONELINESS?
* IN THE EYE OF THE STORM?
* IN THE SALTINESS OF YOUR TEAR SOAKED PILLOW?

OH YES.
A RESOUNDING YES TO ALL THE ABOVE.

AND FRIENDS WHAT I AM ABOUT TO TELL YOU IS PURE DYNAMITE!!

IT IS SO POWERFUL THAT IT COULD LITERALLY AND METAPHORICALLY, BLOW YOUR MIND!

AND IT’S PRETTY SIMPLE.

WHY, EVEN A SIMPLETON COULD DO IT.

IN FACT, A SIMPLETON COULD PROBABLY DO IT EASIER THAN A SMART ASS, BRAINIAC, KNOW IT ALL, WHO IS STUCK ON ALL THE CRAP IN THE PHYSICAL WORLD, LIKE LOGIC AND PROOF AND EVIDENCE AND SO CALLED FACTS.

THAT STUFF CAN REALLY GET IN YOUR WAY. BELIEVE ME I KNOW. AFTER READING A LOT OF WORDS AND OPINIONS OF OTHER PEOPLE IT CAN REALLY BE A STRUGGLE TO OPEN YOUR MIND TO SOMETHING NEW.

BUT FRIENDS IT IS WORTH IT AND IF ITS NOT THEN BIG POOP!, GO BACK TO YOUR OLD CLOSED MINDED SELF, IT'S A SEMI-FREE COUNTY MY FRIEND.

H. E. DOUBLE HONEY STICKS !

I AM HAVING A HARD TIME STAYING FOCUSED.

BACK TO FEELING GOOD.

HERE'S WHAT YOU DO.

YOU JUST SAY:

I FEEL GOOD!!

AND KABAM!!!

(DON’T SAY KABAM, THAT’S JUST ME USING A WORD LIKE THEY USE TO DO ON BATMAN AFTER SOMEONE GOT SMACKED TO REALLY DRIVE HOME THE IMPACT)

THAT'S IT FOLKS, JUST SAY (OUT LOUD).
I FEEL GOOD !!

SIMPLE, RIGHT?

BUT YOU’RE SAYING:
"I DO NOT FEEL GOOD!"

WELL, HERE IS A NEWS FLASH! THAT DOESN’T MATTER A DIDDLY SQUAT.!!

FIRST OF ALL, YOU HAVE ADDED THE WORD NOT, AND THAT’S NOT THE INSTRUCTIONS.

SECOND, IT DOESN’T MATTER A RATS BOTTOM IF YOU ACTUALLY FEEL GOOD, YOU’RE JUST SAYING IT OUT LOUD.
AND YOU KEEP SAYING IT.

EVEN AS YOUR MIND KEEPS FIGHTING BACK SAYING:
"WHAT THE HELL? WE DON’T FEEL GOOD, WHY DOES HE KEEP SAYING THAT?"

YOU JUST KEEP IT UP. THE FIGHT BETWEEN YOU AND YOUR MIND WILL ETHER BECOME SO COMICAL THAT YOU JUST START LAUGHING, WHICH BY THE WAY IS A SIGN OF FEELING GOOD.

OR

YOUR MIND JUST GETS SO FRUSTRATED IT GOES OFF TO DO SOMETHING ELSE, LEAVING YOU ROCKING ON THE SIDE OF YOUR BED IN TEARS REPEATING THE PHRASE:
"I FEEL GOOD”, ” I FEEL GOOD”, ” I FEEL GOOD".

THEN YOU CAN STAND UP, BLOW YOUR NOSE, PUT SOME CLOTHES ON AND SAY:

"HEY! I FEEL BETTER!"

AND BETTER IS GOOD!!
SAY IT.
FEEL IT.
BE IT.
IT WILL COME.

GOOD MORNING AND GOODNIGHT AND GOOD DAY.

THANKS FOR YOUR HELP.
I FEEL GOOD KNOWING YOU’RE GOING TO FEEL BETTER.

DEAR FRIENDS, IT'S NOTHING MORE THEN FEELINGS.
DO YOU FEEL ME?
GOOD.

FEEL GOOD LOVE TO YOU ALL,
CLAM

Posted by clamlynch at 12:07 PM

February 19, 2010

HAPPY VALENTIMES!!

DEAREST READER,
HELP ME.
HHHHELP ME, I THINK I'M FALLING, IN LOVE AGAIN.
YES FRIENDS, I AM FALLING IN LOVE.
I AM IN LOVE, WITH LOVE.

IT'S VALEN-TIMES DAY!!!!

I KNOW IT'S NOT SPELLED THAT WAY...
IT'S VALENTINES DAY OR VALENTINUSOR IF SPEAKING OF THE NUMEROUS CHRISTIAN MARTYRS NAMED VALENTINE OR IT'S ASSOCIATION WITH "THE CIRCLE OF GEOFFREY IN THE HIGH MIDDLE AGES. OR ESTHER HOWLAND ,THE MONEY GRUBBING WITCH RESPONSIBLE FOR THE COMMERCIALIZATION AS WELL AS THOSE BASTARDS AT HALLMARK OH.... BLA,BEE,BA,BLA,BLA....

I AM LOOSE'N THE LOVE VIBE.....

OH DEAREST READER,
LOVE THAT I LOVE , LOVE.
PUT MY LOVE INSIDE YOU.
NOW, I GOT YOU SMILING,BECAUSE GUESS WHAT?
YOU'VE JUST BEEN BITTEN BY THE LOVE BUG AND WE'RE GOING TO RIDE THIS LOVE BUGGY TILL ITS LEGS FALL OFF!

NOW FRIEND , I AM, IN MOST LIKELIHOOD, NOT YE NEIGHBOR BUT COULD YOU LOVE THEE ANY WAY?

OH, JUST STOP THINKING ABOUT IT ,AND LOVE ME UNTIL YOU CAN LOVE YOURSELF , OR ELSE YOUR GOING TO BE STANDING AT THE STATION YELLING
"KERMIT ON A STICK !!"
AS YOU WATCH THE LOVE TRAIN, CHUG-A-LUG'N AWAY AND YOUR NOT ON IT.

OH GOOD PEOPLE , I AM SORRY, TO WHIP OUT THE OL'TOUGH LOVE ON YA ...STRIKE THAT !!
I AM NOT SORRY!
BECAUSE, LOVE IS NEVER HAVING TO SAY YOUR SORRY.

LOVE IS MANY THINGS,
LOVE IS...OH I DON'T KNOW, YOU FILL IN THE BLANKS,
MAYBE IT'S A Q TIP DEEP IN YOUR EAR?
MAYBE A PINT OF ICE/JOY CREAM?
PRECIOUS MOMENTS?
MAYBE IT'S A VIBRATION OR A SENSATION FROM ANOTHER DIMENSION?
MAYBE IT SURPASSES ALL HUMAN UNDERSTANDING?

MAYBE IT'S A MOTHERS LAUGHTER?

"NOT SARCASTIC LAUGHTER OR LAUGHING AT YOU, AT YOUR SO CALLED , CRAZY HOPES AND DREAMS OF MAKING A LIVING AT HELPING PEOPLE WHEN YOU CANT EVEN HELP YOURSELF OR EVEN HOLD A REAL JOB DOWN FOR MORE THEN A WEEK!!!!"

WHATEVER!

WHERE WERE WE ?
AH YES, LOVE.
WHAT DOES LOVE ASK FOR IN RETURN?

I DON'T KNOW, BUT I HAVE IT ON GOOD AUTHORITY THAT IT'S FREE!

NOW, WITH THE PRICE OF GAS AND FOOD AND CIGARETTES THESE DAYS,
THAT SOUNDS LIKE A SWEET DEAL!

FOLKS, I HOPE I AM NOT LOSING YOU HERE BUT IF I AM, THAT'S OK.
BECAUSE, IT'S BETTER TO HAVE LOVED PEOPLE ( PEOPLE YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW OR HAVE NEVER SEEN OR TALKED TOO OR PERHAPS, ARE NOT EVEN READING THIS ,WHICH IS KINDA IMPOSABLE IF YOU JUST READ THAT.)
THEN TO NEVER LOVED AT ALL.

GOSH, NOW I DON'T WANT TO SLEEP I JUST WANT TO KEEP ON LOVING YOU/ME.

BUT THE LIGHTS HAVE GONE DOWN IN THE CITY AND I AM TIRED.
SO I MUST RETIRE FOR THE EVENING AND DREAM MY DREAMS OF LOVE, WITH THE ONE I'M WITH (WHICH HAPPENS TO BE MYSELF)

GOODNIGHT DREAM LOVERS,
FREE YOUR LOVE!
YOURS,CLAM

Posted by clamlynch at 7:37 PM

February 14, 2010

INNER-ROBOT

Let me ask you this question: Have you ever seen a robot walking down the street crying?

Have you ever gotten a late night phone call from a robot complaining about how bad his life is going?

NO! OF COURSE NOT.

Robots are not like me or you.
They don't get sad or feel rejected or fearful.

When i first came up with my dynamic INNER- ROBOT technique it was at the end of a particularly HARSH crying jag which consisted of much naked crying, weeping AND sobbing. as i was starting to come out of it and was looking for some underwear i noticed one of my toy robots just staring at me with his blank robot expression and cold lifeless robot eyes. i blew my nose and screamed "I WISH I WAS LIKE YOU MR. X -43!! I HATE YOU! YOU SELFISH LITTLE METAL JACKASS! WHY DON'T YOU GO JOIN THE NEW ,STUPID ROBOT ARMY! THEY'RE RECRUITING JERKS LIKE YOU! HERE'S SOME BUS MONEY!" ,Which i threw at him with my opposite hand, like a small 4 year old girl might do.

Once i stopped screaming at the robot, i realized i was on to something:
ROBOT POWER!

In my seminars i explain how to place a small imaginary robot inside of your MIND, that you can go to in times of trouble.
20 to 50 people are already using this tool and by July, i'm sure it will be more like
231 or maybe even 535. don't be left out. "GO TO THE ROBOT!"

Posted by clamlynch at 10:08 PM

February 13, 2010

CAN YOU FEEL THE LOVE ?

NO?

WELL, CAN YOU GUESS WHY?
Look down at your hands.
What do you see?

I will tell ya what I see,
TWO GIANT BOXING GLOVES !

And folks, you're never going to FEEL THE LOVE with those things on.

YOU might be able to PUNCH THE LOVE or FIGHT/BLOCK THE LOVE.
But you CAN NOT FEEL IT .

DON'T FIGHT THE LOVE.

Look at you BOBBING and WEAVING, trying to avoid the love.
PUT YOUR DUKES DOWN MISTER!
TAKE THE GLOVES OFF!

LOVE'S not wearing any gloves or mouthpiece or an athletic supporter.

LOVE just wants to WRESTLE around with you, naked, playfully.
Like the Greeks used to do.

LOVE'S NOT GOING TO HURT YOU.
'CAUSE, HELLO! THAT'S WHY THEY CALL IT LOVE .

LOVE, LOVES YOU!
THATS ALL IT KNOWS HOW TO DO.

JUST FOR SHITS and GIGGLES,
TRY LOVE'N IT BACK AND SEE WHAT HAPPENS?

NOW GO TO YOUR CORNER AND COME OUT LOVING!

Posted by clamlynch at 11:41 AM

February 10, 2010

I AM going to be so happy, I JUST MIGHT PUKE!

I was just thinking how happy I AM going to be, and it made me feel a little sick.

NOT in a "I SHOULDN'T HAVE DRANK SO MUCH" or "THAT HAM SMELLED EXACTLY LIKE ASS, WHY THE HELL DID I EAT IT?" kinda way.

More of a FIRST LOVEMAKING or SEEING A PRETTY LADY IN A TIGER (OR BUNNY) COSTUME kinda way.

I AM ACTUALLY ALREADY HAPPY, I just don't know it.
HOW DO I KNOW THIS?

BECAUSE WHEN THINGS SEEM AT THEIR WORST, LIKE YOU CAN'T GO ON ANOTHER DAY—

WHEN YOU'RE SO CONFUSED AND SAD AND ANGRY AND FRUSTRATED AND CAN'T STOP CRYING AND YELLING AT YOURSELF IN THE MIRROR, WITH THE ROCKING AND THE TALKING IN CAT TALK—

IT CAN ONLY MEAN ONE THING!

YOU'RE ON THE VERGE OF A MENTAL BREAKTHROUGH!

AND the amount of BAD you're feeling will be REPLACED with THE SAME AMOUNT OF GOOD FEELINGS!

NOW FOLKS, IF YOU'RE ANYTHING LIKE ME, THAT'S A LOT OF GOOD FEELINGS!

DON'T GIVE UP!
THE MENTAL FIRE WON'T BURN/KILL YOU!
THE TROUBLED WATERS WILL NOT DROWN YOU!
THE DARK,DARKNESS WILL TURN TO LIGHT AND THAT LIGHT WILL BE YOUR NEW WISDOM
AND THAT WISDOM CAN BE USED TO HELP OTHERS WHICH WILL HELP YOU.

FOLKS, EVEN WHEN LIFE SEEMS TO BE SO PAINFUL AND HOPELESS AND UNBEARABLE AND POINTLESS AND
YOUR THINK'N THAT YOU CANT GO ON ANOTHER DAY.

HOLD ON !

JUST LET THE FEELINGS PASS LIKE CLOUDS.
MAYBE YOU CAN SAY:
"THAT CLOUD LOOKS LIKE MY LANDLADY."
"THAT ONE LOOKS LIKE MY EXWIFE."
"THAT ONE LOOKS LIKE THE I.R.S."
"THAT ONE LOOKS LIKE A MOUNTAIN OF DEBT"
"THAT ONE LOOKS LIKE DEPRESSION."
"THAT ONE LOOKS LIKE A LONLEY NAKED MAN ON THE BATHROOM FLOOR CRYING OUT , WHY ME ?!!!."
"THAT ONE LOOKS LIKE A GUN OR A LARGE BOTTLE OF SLEEPING PILLS."
OR WHATEVER.

THE POINT IS THEY ARE JUST THOUGHTS PASSING BY.
THEY CANT HURT YOU.
UNLESS YOU TRY TO ATTACH OR RIDE ON THEM, BECAUSE CLOUDS ARE NOT THAT STRONG AND YOU
WILL FALL .

YOUR SO CALLED PROBLUMS COULD JUST BE OPPORTUNITYS.

DONT GIVE UP.

YOU'RE JUST CHANGING.
AND SOMETIMES IT CAN LOOK PRETTY UGLY—like THAT HAIRY CAVE BOY on THE LAND OF THE LOST OR WITCHY POO FROM H.R. PUFF'N STUFF.

BUT IT'S PART OF YOUR REBIRTH!

FROM A BIG SUICIDAL, UNHAPPY, CRYBABY, LOSER ,TO A BIG LAUGHING, HAPPY ,SUCCESS BABY!

HOLD ON TO YOUR DIAPER.

YOUR NEW LIFE IS BIRTHING AS WE SPEAK.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

http://www.clamlynch.com/blog

Posted by clamlynch at 10:58 PM

I AM SO DARN SICK OF THINKING!

FOLKS, I AM OVER IT! ALL THIS THINKING, THINKING, THINKING!

And believe ME, MR. LINCOLN, I HAVE NOT BEEN DRINKING!
JUST THINKING, AND I AM SICK OF IT!

WHO THE HELL EVER THOUGHT OF THINKING ANYWAY?
WELL, WHO EVER DID, IT WAS A DUMB IDEA!

PEOPLE, I AM SORRY TO GO ON SUCH A RANT.
BUT THAT'S JUST WHERE MY HEAD'S AT.
IT'S WHAT I AM THINKING ABOUT (THOUGHTS AND THINKING AND THINGS OF THAT NATURE).

I KNOW IN MY HEART THAT THINKING IS A BLESSING.

BUT I THINK IT'S ALSO A CURSE!

IT'S A BLURSE!

MAYBE I JUST NEED TO THINK OF SOMETHING ELSE BESIDES THINKING?

LIKE THINKING ABOUT...OH I DON'T KNOW—MAYBE FLOWERS?

A FIELD OF FLOWERS.

THE FLOWERS ARE NOT THINKING AND SPINNING AND WORRYING.

THEY'RE JUST FLOWERS.

JUST BEING FLOWERS.

FLOWERS ARE NOT DEPRESSED.

NEITHER ARE ROBOTS FOR THAT MANNER.
BUT I WOULD RATHER BE A FLOWER THAN A ROBOT.

DON'T GET ME WRONG. ROBOTS ARE COOL.

But hey, this is what I don't want.
I don't want to be thinking about SOME NICE FLOWERS,
SPINNING AND TOILING NOT—
AND THEN START THINKING ABOUT A HERD OF CRAZY MINDLESS ROBOTS COMIN' IN AND TRASHING ALL THE NICE FLOWERS!

IF THOSE ROBOTS WOULD ONLY STOP AND THINK ABOUT WHAT THEY WERE DOING, MAYBE THEY WOULD QUIT CREATING SUCH HAVOC IN MY SECRET GARDEN!

BUT AS YOU KNOW, ROBOTS DON'T THINK ABOUT THOSE THINGS.

ON SECOND THOUGHT, I GUESS THINKING IS GOOD—'CAUSE IT MAKES YOU THINK
AND NOT BE A CRAZY MIXED UP ROBOT WHO JUST CANT STOP HIMSELF.

I AM NOW GOING INTO THE CLOSET (OF MY MIND ) TO THINK GOOD THOUGHTS.
ABOUT FLOWERS AND HUMMINGBIRDS (WHICH ARE TOTALLY COOL).

PEOPLE, A WORD OF ADVICE:
"DON'T SPEND YOUR TIME THINKING ABOUT ROBOTS.
'CAUSE, BELIEVE YOU ME, THEY ARE NOT THINKING ABOUT YOU."

THINK EASY.
THINK OF THE SUNNY SIDE OR THE SHADY SIDE WHAT EVER YOUR INTO.
IF YOU DRIFT OFF INTO A BAD PLACE, JUST COME BACK.
I WILL BE WAITING FOR YOU.
LOVECLAM

http://www.clamlynch.com/blog

Posted by clamlynch at 10:04 PM

February 9, 2010

I AM thinking THOUGHTFUL, THOUGHTS about thinking

THINKING is REAL!
Does that shock you?

SOME CARS RUN ON FRY'N OIL!
Does that confuse you?

I HAVE INVENTED A ROBOT THAT IS POWERED COMPLETLY ON URINE!
Does that make you raise an eyebrow?

Well it should. Because I just threw that in there for EFFECT!

NOT THAT I DON’T WANT TO INVENT A ROBOT THAT WOULD RUN ON URINE, I JUST HAVEN’T FIGURED OUT ALL THE TECHNICAL STUFF YET.
LIKE:
What PART of the robot do you put the urine into?
What about RUST?

OK, SO those are some big questions and I AM working on it, but I have totally gone off the subject. FORGIVE ME.

BUT, I have to say if someone invents a urine powered robot before I do, THEY SHOULD TOTALLY GIVE ME SOME MONEY, 'cause I thought of it first!

OK anyway, what I was saying is THOUGHTS ARE THINGS! POWERFUL THINGS!

Like the thought I had about the PEE-POWERED robot. DO YOU SEE WHATS HAPPENING HERE FOLKS? I AM proving my point as we speak.

I can not stop thinking about that robot and visualizing someone peeing in its mouth and it’s disturbing me in an ANTI-SOCIAL DEVIANT, “IS THERE SOMETHING SERIOUSLY WRONG WITH ME?", SEXY ROBOT FETISH kind'a way.

AND THATS POWERFUL!

FOLKS, A THOUGHT COULD (AND CAN) ACTUALLY MAKE YOU HAVE A PHYSICAL REACTION! THINK ABOUT IT.

POSITIVE THOUGHTS= POSITIVE FEELINGS.
JOYFUL THOUGHTS =JOYFUL FEELINGS
COMPASSIONATE THOUGHTS= COMPASSIONATE FEELINGS.
SUCCESSFUL THOUGHTS =SUCCESFUL FEELINGS.

URINE POWERD ROBOTS=SHAME, REMORSE, GUILT AND FEAR.

CLAM

Posted by clamlynch at 9:00 PM

February 4, 2010

LET ME HELP PUSH YOU/ME INTO A BETTER-ish LIFE!!

MAYBE IT WILL BE A NUDGE?
A TAP?
PERHAPS SOME TYPE OF MENTAL ENERGY VIBRATION, WITH A BEE, BOP, ZIP, ZAP, WIP, WAP, DINK'A DANK'A DOO!!
OR MAYBE IT'S A BIG OL KICK IN THE SPIRITUAL CROUCH?

I DO NOT KNOW?

I DO NOT PRETEND TO KNOW WHAT’S RIGHT FOR YOU or ME.
I AM not FANCY THAT WAY.

I JUST KNOW SOME TIMES WE NEED A LITTLE PUSH.
CAUSE FOLKS THIS I DO KNOW,
WHEN WE SAY, "LIFE IS GREAT"
GUESS WHAT FRIENDS!
NEWS FLASH.... IT IS!!!

BUT SOMETIMES WE NEED A LITTLE HELP TO GET OUR "FEEL GOOD" ENGINES RAVED UP!

NOW FRIENDS I HAVEN’T WRITTEN ANYTHING FOR A WHILE.
AND I HAVE GOTTEN PLENTY OF E-MAIL SAYING, WELL, SAYING YOU HAVEN’T WRITTEN ANYTHING FOR A WHILE.

WELL HERE’S THE POOP-A-SCOOP ON IT ALL.

I AM IN SAN FRANTASTICO AND I’M ON THE MEND FROM YET ANOTHER MENTAL BREAKDOWN/THROUGH.
AND GOOD NEWS!!!
OH, MY DEAR FRIENDS, I HAVE LEARNED SO MUCH.

FOR EXAMPLE:
GUESS WHAT?
I AM NOT A DOCTOR (WHO KNEW?) AND FLOKS, I CAN NOW SAY WITH THE UTMOST CONFIDENCE, IT’S NOT OK FOR ME TO PRESCRIBE MEDICATIONS FOR MYSELF.

BECAUSE FOR MYSELF THINGS WENT A LITTLE SOMETHING LIKE THIS;

AFTER SUFFERING MANY MENTAL ACHES AND PAINS, A COUPLE OF CRYING JAGS AND FEEDING AN UNRESOLVED RESENTMENT, TO THE POINT THAT IT WAS STARTING TO MAKE THE HEAD BLOAT (SIDENOTE: HEADBLOAT IS OUCHIE), I LEARNED A FEW THINGS.
AND HERE’S A LITTLE SAMPLE'N OF SOME OF THAT WISDOM I LEARNED AND WOULD LIKE TO SHARE WITH YOU NOW.

JUST TAKE IT OR LEAVE IT.

I AM ONLY TRYING TO HELP.
HERE GOES:

A. VICODAN IS NOT AN ANTI-DEPRESSANT.

2. THOUGH SOME MAY CALL ALCOHOL “SPIRITS" (I LIKE TO CALL IT GIGGLE SOUP.) DRINKING LARGE AMOUNTS OF THESE SO CALLED " SPIRITS” DOES NOT MAKE YOU MORE FULL OF SPIRIT, OR MORE SPIRITUALLY FULL.

IN FACT, FROM WHAT I CAN REMEMBER, AND IT'S NOT MUCH CAUSE I KEPT WAKING UP IN DIFFERENT PLACES, AFTER A WEEK OR SO OF TRYING TO GET ALL SPIRIT-FULL ON THEM SO CALLED SPIRITS, I ENDED UP IN A LITTLE PLACE THEY CALL JAIL.
AND YES, SURE THERE WERE PLENTY OF PEOPLE TO HELP THERE, AND YOU KNOW THAT’S MY THING.

JAIL LACKED ONE IMPORTANT ELEMENT.
AND THAT’S A LITTLE THING I LIKE TO CALL FREEDOM.
AND FOLKS I AM KINDA INTO THE WHOLE FREEDOM THING, BUT THAT’S JUST ME.
I ALSO HAVE TROUBLE POOPING WHILE BIG HAIRY BEAR-LIKE MEN ARE STARING AT ME, AGAIN THAT’S JUST ME.

C. WHEN YOU HAVE SOME REALLY BIG IDEAS AND YOU DON’T TELL ANYONE ELSE OR EVEN THINK OF RUNNING IT BY SOMEONE, THEN SOMETIMES THESE BIG IDEAS START TO SOUND VERY LOGICAL AND PERFECTLY SANE.

WHEN IN ACTUALITY THEY MIGHT BE WHAT SOME FOLK WOULD CALL
" KOO - KOO BIRD THINK’N"

THOUGHTS LIKE THESE FOR EXAMPLE:

"I COULD DRIVE THAT LARGE BULLDOZER TO THE LOCAL LIQUOR STORE, IT’S ONLY THREE OR FOUR MILES. HOW HARD COULD IT BE?"

OR

“I’VE PLAYED ENOUGH VIDEO GAMES IN MY YOUTH, I DON’T SEE WHY THE HECK I COULDN’T FLY THAT HELICOPTER TO THE EAST COAST TO VISIT MY FAMILY! WON’T THEY BE SURPRISED WHEN I LAND ON THEIR LITTLE ROAD IN THE TRAILER PARK?"

OR EVEN SMALLER THINGS LIKE:

“NO ONES GONNA TELL ME WHICH SIDE OF THE DING, DANG ROAD TO DRIVE ON!!"

DEAR FRIEND, I HOPE THESE LITTLE LIFE LESSON I FOUND ALONG MY PATH CAN TRULY HELP US ALL, AS WE CONTINUE TO DISCOVER WHAT NOT TO DO, IN THIS LITTLE THING CALLED LIFE.

AND FRIENDS I AM GRATEFUL AND HONORED TO BE THE ONE TO HELP YOU MAKE SOME "GOOD/BETTER DECISIONS"

NOW THERE’S PLENTY MORE TO TELL AS THE FOG CONTINUES TO LIFT AND PERHAPS I'LL EVEN LOCATE THAT LITTLE BOOK I WAS WRITING IN DURING MY IN AND OUT OF CONSCIOUSNESS STATE.

I WILL BE LOOKING FORWARD TO SHARING MUCH MORE WITH YOU MY FRIENDS.

PLEASE!!! NO PRAISES FOR MY WORK OUT THERE; IT’S REWARDING ENOUGH TO THINK THAT YOU DON’T HAVE TO DO THESE THINGS!

CAUSE I DID THEM FOR YOU!

HOORAY FOR ME!! AND HOORAY FOR US!!

WELL, I SEND YOU LOVE AND LIGHT FROM THE CITY BY THE GAY BAY.

AND BOW TO YOU WITH A GREAT BIG OL' NAMASTE.

LA PAIX SOIT AVEC TO!!!

YOURS IN ALL WAYS,
CLAM

Posted by clamlynch at 6:16 PM

February 3, 2010

Perhaps my spelling ain't TOP NOTCH but that doesn't mean my BRIAN is small.

OH NO MY FRIENDS, Quiet the opposite.

I just don't have enough space or time in there to get bogged down with fancy WORDS and grammatical whimsy.
MY mind is chock full of IDEAS and SUCCESSFUL THINKING and it's working over time FOR YOU!!
So if you're looking for BIG HIGH SCHOOL GRADUATE WORD and HIGH MINDED GOB-BILLY GOOP, you've come to the wrong man.

BUT if your looking for some solid straight forward no-nonsense tools and techniques,
Based on a lifetime of mistakes and false starts... BROTHERS AND SISTERS, YOU'VE FOUND IT!
I have a MASTERS, IN THE ,"ART OF WHAT NOT TO DO" and A DECREE, IN THE "PAIN OF FAILURE AND REMORSE" From a little school you might of heard of called... THE UNIVERSAL, UNIVERSITY OF LIFE!!
I CAN SHOW YOU WHAT NOT TO DO AND ALSO TELL YOU NOT TO DO IT.
MY BAD IS YOUR GOOD!!
IT'S A ..LOSE ,WIN, WIN!!

MY BRIAN (or brain, as those ivy league collage folks call it)
I just happened to name MY BRAIN, BRIAN ...AND THAT'S CALLED FREEDOM.
I DO NOT CALL MY BRAIN, BRIAN FREEDOM, I AM just saying i am free, to name my brain whatever i choose..
NOW IF THIS IS GETTING CONFUSING FOR YOU..WITH THE SPELLING AND THE NAMING
AND THE STUFF AND THE JUNK... CONGRAGALATIONS !
MY PROGRAM IS ALREADY WORKING FOR YOU!

THIS WHOLE BRAIN NAME GAME IS PROBABLY SOMETHING YOU DO NOT WANT TO DO.
SO CROSS THAT OFF YOUR LIST OF THINGS TO DO AND WELCOME TO MY PROGRAM!

THE MORE I GO BACKWARDS, THE MORE YOU MOVE FORWARD!
YEA FOR YOU AND YEA FOR ME TOO!!!

MY NAME IS CLAM ........HELLO,and GOODBYE and HELLO again.

Posted by clamlynch at 10:32 PM

February 1, 2010

NEWS FLASH.... GOOD THOUGHTS LEAD TO GOOD FEELING and GOOD FEELINGS bring GOOD THINGS !

AND thank goodness i've realized this and can now bring THE GOOD NEWS TO YOU.

Why, just today i was wondering, " Why do i FEEL so G.D. BAD?"

and then it hit me ... 'CAUSE I'M THINKING BAD THOUGHTS!
BAD ME, BAD THEM, BAD THIS, BAD THAT, BAD, BAD, BAD, BAD,
and don't get me started with the FEELING BAD about FEELING BAD feeling.

I wanted to feel GOOD but i felt BAD
BUT HOW to CHANGE?

WELL MY DEAR FRIENDS,
HERE'S WHAT I DID (and feel free to try this yourself):

I started SLOW, Like this:

GOOD ME, BAD THEM, GOOD THIS, BAD THAT, GOOD, BAD, GOOD, BAD.

I THEN added some more GOODS, Like about 3 quarters good, 1 quarter bad.

I then added one small SMILE, two and a half GIGGLES, one quick JOYFUL NONSENSICAL OUTBURST, and an OLD LADY HUG.

NEXT it was five anonymous "I LOVE YOU" calls and an ICE CREAM and a 3 HOUR NAP. I then Followed that with a handful of conversations with an INVISIBLE PRESENCE.

Next i made a LIST OF FEARS or "BLOCKS" ( 27 pages ).

Then 23 minutes of CRYING.
Quickly followed by 12 minutes of uncontrollable laughter.

Than am OUTDOOR BURNING CEREMONY of said FEAR LIST.

Followed by a "pleading" conversation with a POLICE WOMAN and HER DOG.

Than i just gave up.
I TOOK MY BACKPACK OF PROBLEMS OFF AND JUST SAT ON THE CURB.
AND GUESS WHAT?
NO, GUESS AGAIN.
YES!
MY YOKE WAS LIGHT.
I FELT FREE-ISH.

I then saw a picture of a bird dressed as a cowboy and i took that as a sign THE WORST was over.

AND IT WAS.
AND IT WAS ALL GOOD AGAIN.

And folks all this HARD work i am going through is to be the best i can be so i can HELP YOU.
And ITS A PLEASURE .

I AM , is fighting ME for YOU.
AND LETS HOPE "I AM" WINS , FOR ALL OUR SAKES.
BECAUSE IF I RISE ,WE ALL RISE AND HOORAY FOR THAT!!

RISE AND SHINE !!!
KOO KOO BIRDS.

SHINE ON,
CLAM

Posted by clamlynch at 10:36 PM